Some of you may wonder how I come up with all these crazy scenarios for your reading pleasure.

The fact of the matter is, I only give you the tamest ones. I live with a fellow HxH fan who begs me on the regular to (orally) come up with scenarios at the drop of a hat.

They challenge me with the weirdest shit they can come up with and I have to literally bark out a story within five minutes or I lose the bet. It's kind of like Chopped and I'm opening my basket having to make an entree out of fish eggs, cotton candy, and celery.

(They've been trying to get me to do this with KNY too, but I'm not as good at that series, so I just usually scream "THAT CROW IS TALKING! AHHHH!" or pretend I'm Giyu eating raisin bread--a la the Valentine's Day shorts--to put an end to the discussion.)

Anyway. Just yesterday they challenged me with the following theoreticals:

-Illumi decides he's had it with the assassination biz and decides he wants to become an editor. He falsifies his resume and gets a job at a big publishing firm. Hisoka calls him up and dares him to replace every mention of the word "Jesus" in the annual reissue of the KJV Bible with "Hisoka."

-Silva is mystified because someone keeps planting Pride flags all over the Zoldyck property. He can't figure out who's doing it, so he calls an emergency family meeting to discuss this.

-Chrollo notices that Uvo and Nobunaga are constantly itching their chests when they talk. He is concerned that they have either contracted some sort of rash, or--worse yet--the Troupe has been infiltrated with lice.

So, now that you have a good idea of what my daily life is like, I present to you the tamest suggestion:

-It's June, and Milluki is graduating high school. The Zoldycks throw a graduation party for him.

Ahh. Thank God, my brain was about to explode. So, without further ado....

-"So your brother is graduating high school, wow, time flies"

-"Yeah. Hey, Mil, that graduation gown looks good on you. Know why? Because it covers you all up and nobody has to look at your fat ass! HAAAAAAA"

-(Dodges a smack from Zeno) "Sorry, Grandpa, just joking around"

-"Hey Kil, isn't this supposed to be a party? How come Milluki didn't invite any of his friends?"

-"Dude. You know the Golden Rule around here, dipshit"

-Accepts a glass of lemonade and slice of cake from a butler, then goes to make polite conversation with Milluki

-"Congratulations on your commencement. Off to university now, I presume?"

-Milluki looks blank. "University?"

-"Yes. College," Pika says, helpfully. "You know. Higher education."

-"I'm not going to college"

-"Where are you going then?" Pika takes a bite of cake

-"To my room to watch hentai and play with my dolls"

-Pika tries to think of something else to change the subject. "How about you introduce me to some of your friends in your graduating class? I'd love to meet them"

-Milluki walks away silently

-Sits down with Silva and opens a beer

-"Another kid out of the nest, eh," he says, attempting to make jovial small talk. "Where's he off to college?"

-Silva stares at him. "He's not going to college"

-"Oh come on," Leorio laughs. "Don't tell me you can't afford it. Shit, man. Say, where are all the other kids in his class? Didn't he invite any of his friends?"

-Silva raises his eyebrows

-Takes Illumi aside and whispers in his ear: "Dude, I have a couple of hookers who owe me a favor. I told them to come by later and give Mil a graduation gift, hee hee hee! By the way, any of his buddies wanna have fun too? I'll tell them to be nice and generous..."

-Illumi stares at Hisoka. "Buddies?" he says in an incredulous tone

-Sits morosely by himself, picking at a piece of cake

-"Oh quit being such a wet blanket," Zeno scolds him. "What's up your ass today, Illumi?"

-"When I graduated, I got 100 lashes with a whip and electrocuted for three days straight. And Mil gets a party, for crying out loud"

-"It's your own fault, Illu. You were dumb enough to ask your dad if you could invite a few friends."

-Walks over to Milluki, whips out a checkbook and a pen, and writes a fat whopping check, signing it with a flourish

-"Congratulations to the graduate!" he says, grandly, handing over the gift. "Here's a little something to commemorate your achievement"

-Milluki takes it, sullenly, without a word

-"Geez," chides Chrollo. "A 'thank you' would be nice. You Zoldycks sure aren't very friendly, are you?"

-The two of them sit in the corner, scarfing as many pieces of cake as they can swipe from the butlers passing by

-"This is a lame party," says Feitan, through a mouthful of frosting. "He didn't even invite any of his friends"

-"He's not allowed to. Assassins aren't allowed to have friends, or some dumb rule like that. You've heard Kalluto recite that bullshit often enough, haven't you? I was ready to smack his ass sideways when I heard him say it for the 1000th time yesterday. He's like a fucking robot"

-Feitan considers this for a minute. "If they're not allowed to have friends, then what the fuck are we doing here?"

-Shalnark pauses, then giggles. "Good question. These Zoldycks are batshit crazy"

-Feitan laughs. "Thank God WE are normal. Right?"