So, if you've been a good little fanfic'er and reading along with my updates, you know that Chrollo and the Phantom Troupe recently infiltrated the Zoldyck family beach vacation to abduct Kalluto. (See here for details: https://www.wattpad.com/1098501118-more-hunter-x-hunter-boyfriend-scenarios-zoldyck)

What I left out is this: Guess what? The Troupe are all on vacation too. Chrollo decided to reward them for their hard work by giving them all a week on the Padokea coast. (A few miles up the coast from the Zoldycks...thank heavens.)

Here's how it goes.

-Gets the master bedroom in the Airbnb, of course. Everyone else has to share a bathroom too, except him

-Strips down and puts on his swim shorts, covers up his forehead with a baseball cap, grabs the latest Yorknew Times bestseller, and announces he's headed for the beach

-Feitan says, "Maybe you shouldn't wear your earrings, they might get lost if you go swimming or something"

-Chrollo waves this aside, pshaw

-When he gets to the beach, he strides to the water, lifts his chin, takes his cap off, lets the breeze blow through his hair, looks dramatically to the East

-The news crew from TMZ spot him and start filming

-Fuck yeah, get this on camera, I'm a good-looking son of a bitch

-Does not own a swimsuit but is reluctant to admit this because he doesn't want anyone in the Troupe to make fun of him

-Digs through his suitcase and finds his least favorite pair of tracksuit pants, the ones he only wears on fat days

-Finds a pair of scissors and cuts them off to make shorts. Ah ha, he thinks, pleased with himself

-Feitan walks by. "What the fuck are you wearing?"

-Also does not own a swimsuit (it's not like these guys have a lot of spare time to go swimming, or anything)

-Thinks it over. Hmmm

-Decides he will just wear his robe thingy. He'll just go naked underneath it. It will look like he's wearing a stylish swim cover-up! Of course he can't actually go swimming, but he figures he'll just wade in the water up to his knees, that'll be fine

-When he gets to the beach, a sharp breeze suddenly kicks up over the ocean

-"Oh my God," says Feitan. "You're going to get fucking arrested"

-The two meatheads actually do own proper shorts. Of course they do

-They can't WAIT to get down to the beach and show off their beefcake

-"I'm gonna puke," mutters Feitan

-The Troupe gals all have brought their skimpiest bikinis for the occasion

-Machi casts a side eye at the other two. They both are totally stacked. She looks at her own boobs, thoughtfully

-Feitan walks by and notices this. "You know, they sell those add-a-cup bathing suit tops at Victoria's Secret," he informs her, helpfully

-"Fuck you and your misogynistic MALE GAZE," Machi hisses at him

-Shizuku gives Feitan a funny look. "How do you know what they sell at Victoria's Secret?"

-Hisoka hears about the vacation and, although he's not a member of the Troupe anymore, can't resist crashing the party

-"I HEARD YOU MISSED US, WE'RE BACK!" he screams, appearing in the world's tiniest Speedo out of nowhere. "Check this shit out!"

-"Where's your spider tattoo?" asks Feitan. "Wasn't it on your back?"

-Hisoka looks over his shoulder. "Oh crap. I forgot about that."

-They all throw handfuls of sand at him. "Go hang with the fucking Zoldycks down the street, asshole"

-Hides in the Airbnb and prays nobody notices he's missing

-He's totally screwed. Being covered with bandages, and having a ton of holes under the bandages, is basically the worst possible scenario for sitting around in a bunch of sand that anyone could possibly think up

-A short guy shows up. Nobody recognizes him. He is blandly normal looking

-"Who's the short guy? Is that your brother, Feitan?"

-"It's me, Kortopi." Everyone looks blank

-"I went and got a haircut. I mean, seriously. It's 100 degrees out here today"

-Feitan is being a bitch because he hates the fucking beach, he hates sun, he hates the ocean, and he hates taking off his long black coat. He jams his maroon umbrella into the sand and sits under it, sulking

-Shalnark comes over. "Oh cheer up already. Look what I got." He holds out a playing card

-Feitan examines it. Strip Of Beach

-"Pretty cool, eh? I ripped it off while we were running around Greed Island. Now NOBODY can win the game, ever, ha ha ha!" Shalnark rubs his hands together in glee

-"Got any 'Leave' cards left?" snaps Feitan. "Because that's what I'd like right now"

-Chrollo walks up. "Having fun, kids?"

-Feitan looks at Chrollo, then narrows his eyes. "Danchou. I think you're missing a--"

-Chrollo feels one of his earlobes. "FUCK!"