Heather.

I'm waking up with your name in my mouth. But...

"You're leaving?"

"Mhm." She zips her dress up.

"Do you want me to walk you out?"

"No, I can find my own way. Thank you."

"Okay." Don't do this again..."Are we going to pretend what happened last night didn't happen then?"

"We shouldn't have done that...I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize."

"Alcohol...and us...obviously wasn't a good idea."

"Guess not."

Heather frowned..."Are you upset with me?"

"No," I reply...and I can tell by her face that she doesn't believe me.

"It's not as if we can get back together."

I shake my head. "I don't know what you want me to say to that."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean...it's your call. So, why can't we?"

"...because I don't trust you anymore."

"Oh..." I swallow hard.

That stings like hell.

"You can't be with someone you don't trust. It's the worst thing you can do..." She tries to explain like I can hear anything other than her saying she doesn't want me anymore.

I thought I had you back last night...

"I'm sorry."

Heather nods. "I know."

"It sucks that we don't understand each other better..." Nothing I say gets through to you. "But if I could go back and change things, I would."

"Would you?" She said skeptically, knowing I was getting in the van that day no matter what.

"I wouldn't have lied to you. Maybe that would've made it easier for you to forgive me...maybe not, but I wouldn't have lied."

"I'm not mad at you."

"No, you're just done with me. That's worse." She takes in a sharp breath, and I see tears start to well up in her eyes. "I don't want to make you cry."

"But you're so good at it," she joked, and that stung too.

I force a half-hearted smile, for her sake. "Never thought I'd be happy that you're leaving the country, but it'll help not seeing you around for a while."

"It will," Heather admits. "It's good that we're not in a bad place with each other, though. I don't want that with you. Never did."

"Me neither."

I wish I never met you.

"So then this is...closure, right?"

I stare at her for a moment.

Closure.

This feels resolved to you? You don't think either of us deserves a bit fucking more?

"Do you still love me, Heather?"

She looks at me...not saying anything...but her face gives her away.

"That won't change anything," she said, lowly.

"Just answer the question."

Her lips press together into a sad smile.

"Goodbye, Leo."

Fuck you, Heather.

I'm not saying that to you.

She walks out of my room, and I listen for the door...wondering if I have time to call her back in and tell her I hate her before she leaves. It'd make her smile— watching me lie to her face, knowing that 'hate' means I would do anything to make her stay.

It closes.

The door shuts

on us...

And it hurts again.

I grab my Walkman from my bedside and put the headphones on to drown out the silence, drown out your absence...learn to live without you...

Without butterflies.

[There should be a GIF or video here. Update the app now to see it.]