Max slammed his face into the table immediately as David forced him to sit down. Nerris sat at the head of the table with her cape on and a large set of dividers in front of her face. The table was decorated with a large mat covered in lines like graph paper. Nikki, Neil, and David all sat at the table with her, even Max who hated everything about being here!

"Be more careful," Nerris said. "You knocked over your wizard! And the dice are going everywhere!"

"Why are you making me do this?" Max asked David annoyed.

"Nerris still hasn't found a group of friends that will play her....whatever this game is." David said.

"Dungeons and dragons!" Nerris said suddenly. "Or D&D for short!" Nerris smiled before backing away. "I'm going to need lots of practice if I'm going to be a successful dungeon master one day!"

"Exactly!" David said with a smile. "And I think it's high time that everyone took a little time to support Nerris's dreams!"

"But I want her to fail!" Max snapped at David.

"I think it will be fun!" Neil said.

"Nerd!" Nikki yelled as she pointed at his face.

"Hush now, It's time for me to tell you tale, of an evil....." Nerris tried to start her story.

"Wizard." Max interrupted.

"Er....warlock!" Nerris said annoyed. "He rules over a dark continent of Le-eldor."

"How do you spell that?" Max asked.

"Shut up!" Nerris snapped annoyed. "It's not going to be any fun if you keep ruining it with by talking over me!"

"Fine." Max said as he grumbled.

***

The dark continent of Le-eldor was ruled by a cruel and terrible wizard, bleeding the lands dry of it's precious life force for his own power. In response to this grave and terrible threat, the governments of the world came together to create a great army of a thousand ships to invade the shores of Le-eldor, defeat the terrible wizard, and divide it's lands equally among them, but the invasion was met by strong resistance.

A single ship came sailing through the air as a terrible typhoon of pure magic eviscerated the great armada. It crashed to the ground leaving pure destruction in its wake. Three heros, and one dwarf climbed out of the wreckage.

"Why am I the dwarf?" Max asked annoyed.

"Don't argue with the dm!" Nerris replied annoyed.

"I think you look great as a dwarf?" David said as he climbed out the wreckage dressed as a bard.

"Why the fuck did we bring a bard?" Max asked. "Shouldn't we be military or something?"

"I think I look great!" Nikki said. She was a fierce warrior elf riding on her killer unicorn darkness.

"That's too op Nikki!" Nerris complained.

"Fine." Nikki said annoyed as her killer unicorn disappeared. "I miss my murder baby."

"I'm just an alchemist." Neil said as he climbed out. "I'm not even sure what an alchemist does, but I'm an alchemist."

"Alchemist seak to quantify magic and focus on crafting and creating useful things without any of the wilder aspects of magic." Nerris explained.

"Then I'll roll to craft a gun." Neil said.

"What, you can't do that!?" Nerris complained.

"I got a twenty, what does that do."

"God dammit, you get a gun." A gun suddenly appeared in Neils hand and he held it above his head triumphantly.

"Sweet!" Neil said happily as she pointed the gun around.

"I punch neil in the face and take his gun." Max decided. He socked Neil upside the head and picked up the gun from the ground.

"Max, you can't do that in real life!" David complained.

"It worked didn't it?" Max replied annoyed.

"Your supposed to roll the dice!" Nerris said annoyed.

"Fine." Max replied as he dropped the gun. "Let's just get this over with."

The adventurers walk through the forest encountering very few things along the way. The whole time David kept trying to sing a song, every five minutes. He literally pulled it out in real life and tried to play it several times, luckily Max had some foresight and put every single string out of key.

"Help I'm injured there trying to burn down my village." A woman says as she comes running out the forest.

"We'll help you!" David said as he tried to look heroic in his bard outfit. Max suddenly cast a fire spell and threw it at the village.

"Hey, stop that." the woman said.

"I'll help with the fires!" Neil said as he pulled out a potion. He threw it at the huts and they suddenly erupted into even more flames, until the whole village evaporated into ash. "Sorry." Neil said as he backed away a little.

"You caused even more damage than me." Max said. "Impressive."

"I didn't mean it I swear, I'm lawful good!" Neil said suddenly as he tried to explain himself.

"Don't worry I believe you." The woman said as she pulled out a battle axe. "That's why I'm going to kill you!" she swung it at Neil who barely managed to dodge it.

"It's an ambush." Nikki said as she pulled out a massive club.

"Well it was nice knowing you." Max said. "Id say this was fun, but....." He walked toward the woman with open arms as he embraced the sweet release of death.

"Don't touch him!" David said as he smashed his guitar over her head. "Oh, I broke it."

"At least you killed her." Nikki said.

"I killed someone?!" David said as he looked horrified at her dead body.

"I wanna loot her corpse!" Nikki said with an evil smile. She reached into her pocket and pulled out a healing potion.

"My guitars broken." David said sadly as he looked over the broken piece of wood and strings.

***

The group walked up to a traveling caravan full of mercenaries and merchants. A sight that is common place amongst the disheveled kingdom, as the army doesn't care for its people.

"Let's rob the place." Nikki said.

"There twenty guards how are we supposed to beat that?" Neil asked.

"I'll call on the forest and bring in my wolf pack!" Nikki said. She howled into the air as she tried to call her wolf pack.

***

Nikki howled as she stood up on her chair.

"Nikki, you have to roll for that!" Nerris said.

"Oh yeah, I forgot." Nikki said. A pack of wolves suddenly burst into the room and slammed into David sending him to the floor. He screamed as the rabid wolves tried to eat him.

Max rolled his eyes as he grabbed some dice and rolled.

***

Max suddenly stabbed one of the soldiers in the neck, before cutting his throat open and spraying it on the other mercenaries.

"Piss ant bitch." Max said menacingly as the other soldiers went running and screaming into the forest.

"That didn't sound menacing at all." Neil complained.

"That's why this game is so fucking stupid!" Max complained right back at him.

"Owy," David said as he stood there, perfectly healthy.

"Lets loot there corpses." Nikki said evilly.

"There still alive." Max pointed out.

"Not for long." Nikki said even more menacingly.

***

The four bandits, made there way to the nearest city to finally get some intel on this big evil asshole there supposed to kill. There bounties now numbering in the millions, and soaked in the blood of a surprising number of innocent people, considering they were supposed to be here to save the world.

The city was massive, with elaborate streets and walkways, designed to confuse and delay invading forces. A large tower stood at the center, where the armies of the dark wizard kept there twisted sense of order.

Max immediately walked up to the nearest fruit stand and set it on fire.

"Max, were supposed to be keeping a low profile!" David said from under a hood he retrieved from a bunch of innocent, dead, merchants.

"That's fucking stupid." Max replied. "I say we burn this fucking city to the ground."

"I just bought a bunch of burnt cat meat!" Nikki said as she rounded a corner and rejoined them. "But I'm out of money...."

"We should be heading to that tower, so we can find the dark wizard!" David said. "Then well ask him nicely to stop being so mean to his people!"

"Yeah, ask him nicely." Max said as he sharpened his battleaxe. He put it over his shoulder and lead the group deeper into the maze like city.

They stopped when they came across an overturned cart. Several soldiers were standing over a woman as she tried to gather the contents of the carriage. The soldiers suddenly stepped on her hand and she cried out as the laughing soldiers ground her hand under there feet.

"We should do something to help her." David said as he pointed to the terrible injustice before them.

"Why should we care?" Max asked.

"Because....because it's wrong!"

"Whatever." Max said as he drew his battleaxe.

"I will eviscerate them!" Nikki screamed as she charged with her club. Max slammed the battle axe through the soldiers face as Nikki bashed the other straight in the stomach. They both crumpled to the ground as the other soldiers ran away like cowards.

"Well that was stupid." Max said as he put away his battleaxe. He looked down at the thankful woman as she gathered the corn back into her overturned cart. "Lets rob this bitch." Max said evilly.

"Max!" David said behind him.

"Fine." Max said as he put his battleaxe away again.

"Hello, fair maiden!" Neil said as he approached. "We are four brave heroes, here too....."

"Yo, can we have your shit." Max asked over Neil.

"What?" the woman asked. "Please tell me that you aren't bandits from the eastern shore!"

"If it'll make you give us your shit, sure." Max said.

"Max, we're here to help this young lady, not rob her!" David said as he tried to sound authoritative. He kneeled down and helped the woman get off the ground.

"Thank you." the woman said as she dusted off her skirt. "If your wondering where the tavern is, it's in on second street. New adventurers always seek out the tavern when they arrive here."

"I could get drunk." Max said.

"I don't think I approve of this game if it allows underage drinking." David said.

"Shut up David." Max said as he walked toward the tavern.

***

The tavern had a simple boot as it's sign, as well as another sign welcoming any soldiers to come drink wine that's been pissed in. It's clear that regular citizens don't think very highly of their government. This tavern only got away with openly mocking soldiers because it only catered to bandits, mercenaries, and other rogues that also did not agree with governments way of doing things.

"Well this place looks fun." Max said as he one of the inner windows was suddenly sprayed with some random person's blood.

"I don't think this would be a very good place to....stay alive." Neil said as he looked at it.

"Lets go!" Nikki said as she charged in. Max followed in behind her and immediately dodged the nearest flying table. This place seemed to be in a perpetual bar fight with people throwing shit, fighting to the death with bear bottles, and attacking random strangers.

"I don't know, this place seems pretty.....violent." David said.

"I love the smell of chaos in the morning." Max said. "You can almost smell the blood and alcohol." Max finally getting into the game, now that it was making David uncomfortable. The four of them went up to the bar and took their seats.

"The best way to the tower in the center of the town is through the sewers." The barkeep said after some convincing, and like fifteen failed skill checks on Davids part. His charisma was total shit, probably doesn't help that Max sabotaged his stats before they started playing.

"Hey pretty lady." Some drunk man said as he put a hand on Nikkis knee. She was an adult women in the game, so at least he wasn't a pedo....If that makes any difference.

"Die!" Nikki said as she bashed him over the head.

"Hey!" One of the bar patrons said. "She killed Paul." the whole bar turned to the party with anger in their eyes.

"Why do you care?" Max asked.

"Paul was the nicest among us."

"He just tried to rape Nikki?!" Max said annoyed.

"Still!" The patron said.

"Seriously?" Max asked.

"Oh no." David said as he looked around.

"I got this!" Neil said as he pulled out a potion.

***

The whole street was completely covered in fire, as random flaming villagers went running in all directions. The party stood in the middle of the street a little more crispy then they originally planned. Max rubbed the bridge of his nose as the entire city burned.

"I didn't mean to set....everything on fire." Neil said as he tried to explain himself. Alcohol is really flammable, so were the massive explosive barrels of alcohol in the back of the tavern. You can probably guess what happened up to this point.

"Lets just go to the tower before everything fucking burns." Max said as he walked over to a manhole cover. He climbed down followed closely by the rest of the party.

Neil quickly fashioned a simple lantern and held it up to light the area around them. They walked down for a while before suddenly hearing the noise of a snakes hiss.

"Hello travelers." Max looked over at the snake as it lowered itself from the ceiling. "Are you here to find the tower? Perhaps you seek some guidance."

"Well thank you, that would be very nice of you!" David said trustingly. Max quickly cut the head off the snake before David could invite it along with them.

"What did you do that for?" David asked as he held the dead snake and teared up a little.

"It was a snake." Max said. "It's evil shit so fuck it."

***

The party arrived at a large heavy door with a grate around it. Water poured out of it and down the dark hallway leading out of the city a fair distance.

"I wanna melt it!" Neil said.

"I'll bash it!" Nikki said.

"I'll sing until someone on the other side opens it!" David suggested.

"I'll check if it's locked to begin with." Max said as he pushed open the unlocked door. "Fucking morons."

"Well I am very proud of you for thinking outside the box." David said.

"You were proud of me for taking a shit once!" Max snapped at him. "It means nothing!" A soldier suddenly came charging through the cave with his weapon raised.

"I got this!" Neil said. Max suddenly pushed him into the sewer water. "What the fuck Max?"

"I seriously doubt you could burn down a sewer, but I have a feeling you'll find a way." Max said as he ripped out his battle axe. Nikki and Max charged as they fought the soldier to the death.

***

They slowly climbed the towers massive steps as they made there way to the top. The tower was were all the guards slept in this area, and it's where they stored there armor, trained and kept there horses. It was kinda fucking stupid considering how easy it is to blow up.

"So is the evil wizard up here, or have spent the last three hours just trying to figure out where the fuck he is?" Max asked annoyed. These games went on for a really long time.

"I think that if we all just work together, we can surpass this....." David said.

"Shut up David." Max said over him. "I'm gonna set this tower on fire." he suddenly threw one of Neils concoctions into a barracks room with a ton of sleeping soldiers. He laughed as they burned to death behind the metal door.

"Jesus christ, what the fuck Max?" Neil asked.

"Yeah, that was even a little messed up for me." Nikki said.

"Well....Well...." David tried to find a way to put a positive spin on the really fucked up thing Max just did. "At least you're....enjoying yourself....a little too much."

"Can we kill this wizard already, I'm getting sick of this game." Max said as he walked forward.

***

Thanks to Max's incessant complaining and constant whining. The dark wizard was not in his mountain fortress deep in his territory, he was for some reason in some no name town next to the river, and just so happened to be at the top of the tower.

The dark wizard was dressed all in black, and his face was pale as death itself. His three evil minions standing by his side. Darren looked out over his really kind of shitty view, at all the burning buildings from the town bellow. He wondered if there was someone here who dared to stand against him. He was suddenly answered when his cloak was set on fire.

"Son of a bitch." Darren yelled as he stamped out the fire from the fire potion.

"Hey, yo, where here to kill you." Max said as he held his battle axe.

"Well I think that if we just take a moment to...." David tried to say before out of nowhere Vera crashed into his face and began to punch him repeatedly.

"Leave no survivors!" Max yelled as he sprinted at Dang. He smashed the battle axe into his face as the battle got into full swing.

"Help, I need a long rest to restore my crafting thingy!" Neil said as he rand.

"I got you Neil!" Nikki said as she bashed her club into Hwan and knocked him out. She suddenly crashed to the ground as Vera stabbed her in the back.

"Nikki!" Neil said.

"This is really fucking stupid, but I guess i'll save her or whatever." Max said as he decapitated Vera.

"Thanks Max!" Nikki said.

"Don't mention....seriously, never mention this....ever again." Max said as he put more emphasis on that last part.

"Got it!" Nikki said.

"You think you can defeat me!"

"I got a critical!" Max said as he swung his axe. Darren suddenly burst into flames before burning away all at once. "Well that was anticlimactic."

***

Max finally stood up from the table and stretched as a smiling Nerris began to clean up the pieces from there game.

"Fucking waste of a saturday." Max said as he walked out of the room.

"I'm just glad you had fun!" David said.

"Screw you David." Max said as he kept walking.

"It was fun to kill stuff." Nikki said. "Maybe I should try some of that stuff in real life!"

"What?" David said panicked. "No! Why?"

"Because it was fun in a game, so obviously it must be fun in real life." Nikki said. "I'm gonna go get a club and some gasoline!"

"Huh...." Max said. "Figures." He shrugged his shoulders as David rushed off to stop her before she started anything.

"That was actually a lot of fun." Neil said. "We should play that again some...." Max suddenly punched him in the shoulder.

"No.....fucking.....way...." Max said as he walked up the stairs into the blockbuster storage room.