Pelham remained under the roof for another couple of days, constantly coughing and sneezing, his nose more active than he physically ever was. The last day of the trip had it bad for him, and he mused on whether the other students who had gone to the trip were as sick as him. During the two days in which he stayed inside the house, he FaceTimed Roshon, who was doing a fairly brilliant work in New York. April also came around, giving him the company he really needed.

But then Lucio started occupying his brain. He couldn't help but be awash with guilty conscience every time he found the boy lingering somewhere in his head. It was as though Pelham had betrayed himself. Whether Lucio was doing okay, he couldn't tell. He remembered about the bullies. Will he be okay? he thought to himself. He was conscious of the fact that he rarely saw Lucio around before they were close together. Of course, he hadn't been paying much attention then. Again, he couldn't help but feel the guilt tugging at his heart. He had, after all, told Lucio that he would see him at school.

Pelham hadn't forgotten about Lucio telling him how he and Roshon were his first real friends - apart from, now that Pelham remembered, one girl whose name Lucio hadn't mentioned. Pelham kept burying his head in his arms whenever this thought flooded his head, bearing down the remorse as though he had done a sacrilegious act. He could tell that Lucio must be waiting for him all day. He has his classmates, though, Pelham kept on reminding himself, trying to lift the weight off his shoulders. It should be as normal as before I became his friend.

That didn't help, however. He really wanted to see Lucio, ask whether he was okay. He hadn't realised just how much he cared for the boy. Not that he was pitying him - he didn't think Lucio would like that. On the one hand, Pelham hadn't had the faintest idea on why Lucio kept itching at the back of his mind, as though there was something he had to tell him but couldn't quite reach it.

It was there, all right.

Pelham had gotten better on Friday morning. He was planning to go to school, but thought better of it. It was, after all, Friday. Besides, he had already e-mailed his subject teachers that he was sick, informing them that he wasn't sure when he was coming back. He didn't exactly laze around the house that whole week. As a matter of fact, he had caught up with his missed lessons from his classmates and even asked whether there were any assignments. So far, there was none, seeing as not that many students were present. All in all, Pelham was far from being in trouble.

He wasn't contented, however. The fact that he was stuck inside the house and lying on his bed daily was gradually afflicting him. Moreover, the fever had added up to his mental misery, confining his conflicts altogether that there was no other way out than sleep. And even then, the nightmares never exactly left. He never knew suffering a fever could damage him more.

He had heard news every now and then about children coming out to their parents and bearing the devastating outcomes. There were a number of parents who were judiciously benevolent and permissive, supporting their children even, though the frequent ones he kept hearing was the children being disparaged, abused and worst, disowned. Who knew what else took place after that? Pelham was too perturbed to find out. It was vile enough that they were being harassed by their own parents.

Be that as it may, Pelham knew that those people - the inverts - were resolute. Adamant. Unwavering. They had plucked up their courage, gathered their guts, just to come out, because they knew there were two paths after that; the good and bad. If they could do it, then he should be able to do it too.

That was why, later that evening, regardless of his still-sick state, he called April and told her to meet up at a park - the only pre-eminent park in the town, really. He informed his mother afterwards that he was going outside for a while. "Aren't you still sick?" she'd asked.

"Of course," had been his indifferent reply before grabbing his skateboard and skated his way towards the park, which wasn't that far from where he lived.

Once he'd arrived, he headed straight for the bench under a maple tree that faced the water fountain, where April could easily spot him. There were already a number of people performing outdoor activities; children throwing frisbees, man and women taking a stroll around the cobbled path, some either jogging or cycling. Pelham looked around for April, growing apprehensive as the time wore on.

Ten minutes had passed when she finally dropped down on the empty space next to him, her dirty blonde ponytail whipping about her hair. "Good to see you out and about," she said, beaming at him.

"Yeah," Pelham attempted to smile. "Hi."

Pelham hadn't meant to sound too monotonous, but it was too late. "Everything all right?"

"April ..." Pelham began, fiddling with his thumbs nervously. What? What? What?

April looked at him with both of her eyebrows raised. Pelham kept his head down. As far as he was concerned, it wasn't common for boyfriends to admit that they were in fact gay towards their girlfriends.

"I need to tell you something," he said, amusing himself by observing two ants carrying another ant on the cobblestone ground. He didn't want to look up. He refused to do so. He was terrified to see her reaction if he said it soon. His stomach was already in a tight knot.

"Is it important?" The concern was evident in her tone.

"I guess,"

April frowned sympathetically as she shifted closer to him. "Does it trouble you?"

Pelham nodded, not believing himself to voice it. "A lot," he managed to crack, his breathing shallow and uneven.

He did not want to see the look on April's face at the moment, be it curious, sceptical or simply befuddled. But he had to find out. He had to face the fear at least this time. So slowly, he looked up and met her eyes. He was quite surprised to find that she had a neutral expression on her face, though she was looking concerned all the same.

"I don't want to make you angry," he sighed. "I don't want you to be mad at me - though, I won't be surprised if you are."

"Are you cheating on-"

"No, definitely not!" Pelham said, eyes wide as he put his hands before him, palms out. "I swear!"

"Oh," she said, her brows knitting into a frown. "Then, what-"

"I think it'd be wise if we break up,"

Beat.

Shock - that was what had flashed across April's eyes the moment those words left him. She opened her mouth and closed it. She repeated it for what seemed like a minute too long.

"Pel-" she began after a while.

"I-it's not that I have lost interest in you," he said quickly, feeling really dense, because those words might either be correct or downright absurd. "I just-"

"That's what break-ups are for, Pelham," she said slowly, her tone surprisingly soft and quiet that it scared him. "Because you don't feel the love anymore."

"No, that's not-"

"Have I been that clingy?" April suddenly asked. "I'm sorry if I have-"

"You're not clingy-"

But April wasn't listening. "... I can give you the space, give you the break all you want, Pelham," she was saying.

"April-"

"I don't get it," she murmured to herself, and Pelham hated to hear the tinge of gloom in her tone. "What have I done?"

She looked hurt, as though she knew she had done something horribly wrong that caused Pelham to talk about this. But that wasn't it. It never was. She hadn't done anything that caused Pelham want to break off their relationship except-

Except for being a girl? thought Pelham.

"Nothing," Pelham said, slightly surprised at her question. Then to put some truth in it, he added, "Nothing that you can help."

"Clearly you're not interested in me anymore ..." April was talking like some other person. Pelham barely knew the voice anymore. I am interested in you, Pelham wanted to say, just never in that way.

"I'm not interested in any girl, April,"

Again, she wasn't paying attention. She still had the same dazed look on her face. "I'd been clingy then, till the point where you're not interested in me-"

"I'm gay, okay?" Pelham suddenly said, somehow furious towards nobody in particular. At this, April whipped her head in his direction, locking their gazes. "I'm not interested in girls - any of them!" He proceeded, feeling the ire boil from his guts. He took a deep breath. "I'm sorry ... but I'm a queer."

There he said it. He felt the weights lift off his shoulders. It felt good to be on his tongue and out. But the knot in his stomach remained. He had really come out to his girlfriend then.

"What?" April said, gaping at him, as though he hadn't been clear.

Now he found it hard to repeat that. "You heard me," he said. He looked down again, shutting his eyes and resting his forehead on the heels of his palms, his elbows resting upon his thighs. "Stupid. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm pathetic. I'm sorry, April. I just - I had to tell you. I can't keep it forever but I also didn't want to - I didn't ..."

"Didn't want to break my heart?" April finished for him.

Pelham looked at her, adequately stunned that she had somehow managed to grasp his struggle. "I'm sorry," he repeated, feeling a lump form in his throat. "We just have to be over. I can't ... I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You can be angry with me, I won't mind. I'm stupid. God, I always screw things up-"

"Don't you blame your sexuality for this," April interrupted, her tone dripped with anger.

Once again, Pelham looked at her. She had concern written all over her face, replacing the neutral expression earlier. There was no sign of anger at all, but it was present in her tone. Pelham could feel the guilt weighing him down.

"April, I just screwed up our relationship," he said. "Me coming out was the end of the line to our relationship - I just said that we should ... you know, be over."

"You did," April nodded. She inhaled deeply and closed her eyes. Pelham felt like running away. But he kept his ground. "I get it, Pelham. I really do. I'm not mad at you, okay?"

Pelham didn't say anything. He was more astonished than scared. He couldn't really tell what she meant behind those words. All he could feel was bewilderment. Did she think he was joking?

"I'm gay. And I never told you,"

"And I understand why," she said softly, placing a reassuring hand on his shoulder. Pelham was still dazed by her calm reaction, let alone touching him.

"No, you don't,"

"Yes, I do,"

"How can I know if you're not dejected?"

"Well, unless you told me you slept with a girl - or another boy, in this case - then I'll throw a fit," she said casually. "But ... see here, my uncle had the same case when he was young. He's gay, and he was in a relationship with a girl before he found out. His sexuality was driving him mad. He didn't know how to come out to his girlfriend. He was struggling for five years, locked in his closet, pretending that he really was in love with his girlfriend, showing her all his fake happiness while he was mentally dying inside.

"One day, he came out to his girlfriend. And she ... well, she was homophobic and she ditched him just like that. She even spread the news, knowing how his family would abhor him. It happened when he was still in university," April said, pursing her lips, her eyes darting everywhere but him. "And ... his life was completely turned upside down. He said it was as though the world was against him. But that's not the exact reason on why I'm not angry at you. Not really. I still love you, Pelham, despite the fact that you just told me about yourself. Had it been something else, I don't think I'll ever look at you the same way."

"That will be a one-sided love, then, you and me,"

She smiled. "I think the fact that you just came out to me changes how I feel about you now,"

He felt the anxiety when she said that. "I'm sorry,"

"Pelham, I'm not angry at you," she brought her face around so he was looking directly at her. "I swear. I still care about you, okay? I don't want to be like my uncle's hag of an ex-girlfriend. I'm not blinkered."

Pelham, still stupefied, wanted to hug her so tight at the moment. "You're a keeper, you know that?" he murmured. She rolled her eyes, but he could see the faint blush forming on her cheeks. "I can't give you everything. But I know someone else will."

"Does that include attraction to ladies? Am I allowed to make jokes about you now?"

He couldn't help it; he laughed.

"When did you realise you were ... gay?" she asked after a while, seeming to want to focus on the relevant question.

"After we dated," he answered. "But even before, I was still questioning myself. I thought ... I thought that going out with a girl might confirm that I'm actually, you know, normal."

"Turned out you were wrong. It kept you hurting," April stated.

Pelham nodded. "I'm sorry,"

"Enough with the apologies," she said firmly, dipping her head lower so she was looking straight into his eyes. "It's not your fault. You were just struggling."

"Like your uncle,"

"Minus the girlfriend part. I still love you, okay?"

"An unreciprocated one at that ..."

April actually laughed at that. "Okay," she said. "How's this; I love my boyfriend and he's gay?"

A smile tugged at Pelham's lips. "Blends well," he said.

Silenced wallowed them. They watched as two children pedaled their bicycles past them. Then April said, "So ... are we officially over now?"

"I don't want you to have a one-sided love,"

"I take that as a 'yes'," April nodded. "I'm not gonna leave you, you know. But I'm also not gonna burden you. If you want to talk to me, feel free. I'll join Roshon in your best-buddy group or whatever you nerds call it. In that way, I won't be that stranded awkward girl with a gay ex-boyfriend who she refuses to talk to simply because he's gay."

Pelham chuckled. "You're amazing," he meant it. It was true. He might not find any interest in girls. But April, though loving her in a platonic way, had a special place in his heart.

"I know I am,"

Silence settled in. It wasn't an awkward one. Rather, Pelham enjoyed it. April was not cross with him. She had accepted him. He hadn't been anticipating a positive reaction, especially from April. She did, after all, state that him being gay had changed the way she felt about him, and it was a fairly good one. He swore he could spend all night writing a three-metre-thick book on why she was downright permissive and, most importantly, indulgent.

"So," April began, cutting the silence, dragging the 'O', "found a boy in interest?"

"Are you for real?" Pelham said, even though the question made Lucio Alves appear in his mind. Don't be stupid, he told himself. A lot of boys had drawn his attention, after all. Lucio's just one of those attractive ones.

"What, we're best friends forever-and-ever now, right?" she joshed.

Pelham couldn't help but beam that she was the first one to say that. "Fine," he said.

"So, my question?"

Pelham looked at her; she had a big smirk on her face. And she was wiggling her eyebrows. She looked so bizarre that he laughed.

"Hey, if you're avoiding the question, that means your answer is 'yes,'," she pointed out.

"Fine,"

"'Fine' what?"

"That maybe one kind of caught my attention - or two," he admitted, looking anywhere but her. He had only added the last part for some kind of 'safety precaution'. "It's not a crush, I swear. I ... I just think he looked, you know, dashing. Nothing big. It's not like I think about him a lot."

The last one was an utter, ugly lie. Lucio appeared in his mind more frequently these days, even though Pelham kept trying to shut any thoughts of him away. It made him more baffled than when he was puzzled with his sexual orientation. April let out a theatrical gasp. "Can I take a guess?"

"Uh ..."

"It's that Spanish - is he from Spain - boy, isn't it? Luke? Lucas? Lucius?"

Pelham gaped at her, his lips dry. "Why would you go for him?"

"C'mon" she said, "even I think he looks hot. Rumour has it that he's gay, too."

"And you believe that?"

"You're hoping that he's gay, aren't you?"

Pelham didn't answer. "It's just the cronies who were calling him that."

"They call everyone 'fags'," she conceded. "So you shared the same cabin and all the while-"

"Hey, nothing happened, okay?" Pelham assured her. "Besides, he had Rosh's room."

April had a smirk on her face, nonetheless.

"It's not like he's even interested in me. He's straight," Pelham said casually. He suddenly felt like a thirteen-year-old girl conversing about a cute boy in the hallway. "Okay, so there was one night when we fell asleep together on the couch after watching a movie. It was nothing, really."

April cocked an eyebrow.

"Shut it, April. It's not what you think," he said, feeling his cheeks warming up. "We were watching a horror movie and he was really scared - stop smirking!"

"All right, damn," she laughed, standing up. "So you asked me to come here because you wanted to come out, because it had been troubling you for ages. Honestly, I'm really proud of you."

Pelham smiled at her, for words couldn't describe just how thankful he was to have her on his side. He thought; why couldn't there be more people like her? He got up and pulled her into a hug.

"Have you told anyone else, though?"

"Just you at the moment,"

"So, I'm your first straight hug after you came out?" she asked. Pelham rolled his eyes in response. "C'mon, let's get some vanilla ice-creams."

"I hate them."

"Exactly."