t w e l v e

thirteen, Oliver had his first kiss.

Most people talked about their first kiss as something sweet, monumental, perfect, underwhelming, unimpressive. It was none of these things for Oliver. It was completely unexpected, and something he never thought he would get. One thing for sure was that it was a memory he would never forget. It was August and with the end of summer drawing closer with every day, Oliver was running out of time to deliver the news of his move. He kept working himself to spit it out every time he saw Reed and Adam, and every time, he pussied out. He just hated that his whole life was going to change – at least, it felt that way to a thirteen-year-old moving across the country – and wanted to pretend, if just for a little longer, that everything was okay.

This was the mindset that backed Oliver into a corner where he was leaving the city in a week and he still hadn't told either of them. That was what the sleepover was supposed to be about. An opportunity to tell them the news that he should have said weeks ago. If either of them noticed the moving boxes scattered around the house, ready to pack their lives up, they didn't comment. It started as another normal sleepover. Ordering too much pizza, watching bad horror they found on dodgy online websites, kicking a muddy football around the garden, making up outrageous dares for one another to do. Technically, it was truth or dare, but Reed always picked dare and Oliver would try to match him as best as he could. Adam was the only one who would ever choose truth.

Not long after Reed downed the disgusting contents of a makeshift cocktail Oliver and Adam put together for his dare, with pickled onions and coleslaw they'd hunted out of the fridge among other things, Adam fell asleep. It was 2AM and the two of them, Reed and Oliver, were the only ones awake in the otherwise silent house. Oliver sometimes wondered how differently that night would have played out if Reed had been the one to fall asleep first or if none of them had given into sleep that night. Then again, he could take it as far as wondering what would have happened if he wasn't moving to London a week later or if he'd never met Reed in the first place.

"Reed," Oliver began, swallowing his trepidation and knowing he had to say something, now. Before it was too late. "I – "

"Let's go out on the roof," Reed suggested, lowering his voice conspiratorially. "We won't wake anyone up when we talk."

Oliver just nodded. The roof was, technically, strictly off-limits. Oliver and Reed had first discovered they could climb out onto his windowsill and haul themselves up onto the slanted rooftop above the window when they were nine. The third time they did this, sneaking up blankets and food to camp out there, Oliver's mum found out. It was safe to say she was not impressed and forbid either of them from ever doing something so dangerous again. Oliver never went out when he was on his own but more often than not, when Reed came round, they'd wait until it was late enough that they wouldn't get caught and crawl back out on the roof looking out over Oliver's back garden.

That was how they ended up sitting cross-legged opposite each other, surrounded by the peaceful quiet of the night and the starry sky. And while Reed ranted about his English teacher for giving him a low mark on a recent essay, Oliver couldn't help staring at the pale glint of his hair in the dark, the way his icy eyes lit up when he was animated something, which was often; he was easily angered. Oliver knew this was the perfect moment to tell him, to say "I'm moving", yet still he hesitated.

Oliver had been pushing down his confusing thoughts and feelings for a while but, for the first time, he dared himself to acknowledge them. He allowed himself to consider that maybe the way he was watching Reed wasn't the way a friend should be watching another friend and that maybe it was because Oliver didn't think of Reed just as a friend anymore. He could feel his own heart racing just at the possibility of what he was thinking but he didn't stop himself, didn't immediately think of something else like he usually would when his own feelings scared him. He would be leaving this city, leaving Reed, at the end of summer. In a week.

If he didn't consider this...this thing now, when could he?

"What?" Reed said, and Oliver realised in his revelation, he'd let himself slip up on the outside too. He'd been staring for too long and Reed was looking at him strangely now. "Fine, maybe I shouldn't have said I hope Mrs Lowe gets hit by a car, but she's still a fat cow. Don't even try to disagree with me on that."

Oliver chuckled. "I wasn't going to."

Now that Oliver had opened that floodgate in his head, he couldn't stop thinking about it. And now he was stuck on that idea of time running out for him, for their friendship. That if there was anything he wanted to do, now was the time. It was the only chance to do it. He had nothing to lose.

"Let's play truth or dare again," Oliver blurted out.

"Oh? But that game got boring. We ran out of good dares."

"I've got another one." Oliver's mouth had gone dry and he couldn't believe what he was about to do. "Truth or dare?"

Reed scoffed. "Dare, obviously."

Oliver knew he was going to say that. It didn't stop his pulse from kicking into overdrive and his heart from pounding so hard he was sure Reed could hear it. He couldn't do this. He knew what Reed would say, what he'd do, and it would only break Oliver. But then he saw the earnest gaze Reed was watching him with and knew if there was one person in the world he could trust with anything, even his darkest secret, it was Reed.

"Well?" Reed said impatiently. "I thought you had – "

"I dare you to kiss me."

He almost bit his tongue off trying to stop himself saying it but the words had already tumbled out. The silence between them was stifling. Reed just stared at him and Oliver could feel his face burning despite the cool breeze in the air. He wanted the ground to swallow him up. No, even better, he could just roll off the roof and die. No death, not even from a hundred broken bones, could be more painful than the embarrassment of –

"Okay," Reed said, interrupting his internal panicking.

Oliver almost forgot how to breathe. "Okay?"

"Okay." Reed had always been an easy read but Oliver couldn't unpick the careful blankness of his expression. "You know I never turn down a dare. No matter what it is."

Oliver had momentarily lost the function of speech and could do nothing more than nod dumbly. It was just a kiss, he reminded himself, but that didn't stop his body from reacting in all kinds of wild ways as Reed leaned forward and pressed his lips against Oliver's. At the time it only distantly registered that this was his first kiss, that it was most likely Reed's too, but all he could think about was how soft his lips felt. Softer than he had expected. And Reed still hadn't pulled away, didn't pull away when Oliver hesitantly raised a hand and rested it against the nape of his neck, fingertips brushing his fine blonde hair.

He didn't dare do anything more. This was more than he could have ever dreamt of having and he would savour it. As it turns out, he didn't have to do anything more because Reed did it for him. He tilted his head to return the kiss rather than pulling away and it didn't matter that Oliver had never done this before because he knew exactly what felt right, that moving his hand up to run through his hair was what he wanted. Then Reed curled his fingers in the front of Oliver's shirt to tug him closer and Oliver knew that it was what both of them wanted.

He was kissing Reed. He was kissing Reed and Reed was kissing him back and it was better than anything he could have imagined. It was a dream come true and of course, Oliver should have known all dreams came to an end.

Everything had fallen apart after those precious few moments Oliver had managed to steal. Reed had jerked away and Oliver, with a sinking heart, saw the panic in his expression at what had just happened between them. He could see in Reed's pale blue gaze that he'd upset some deep-seated understanding about himself that he was now forced to acknowledge, and Oliver hated himself for being the one to do that. It was one thing for Oliver to be confused. It was another thing entirely to drag Reed into that confusion. That kiss on the roof had started out sweet but the night ended bitterly, Reed sneaking back into the bedroom after a less than pleasant conversation and Oliver lingering out on the rooftop because he was too scared to face Reed. He finally fell asleep out there on the hard tiles and when he came back inside in the morning, sore and sleepy, Reed was already gone.

Oliver got into shit with his parents for being out on the roof all night but he hadn't cared. A brittle silence came between Oliver and Reed, one Adam couldn't understand or break, and with every passing hour Oliver had one less day to fix things between them before he left for London. In the end, he took the easy way out. It was a decision Oliver would regret for the next five years but he packed up his room, got in his parents car, and set off for London without an explanation to Adam or an apology to Reed. He could justify being such a shit friend because he didn't think he'd ever see either of them again.

Oliver was thinking about that kiss, and the fallout that followed it, during the four hour drive down to London. Woodway's swim team had qualified in the locals meets to take part in the first round of National competitions, drawing on the best local teams from each town and city across the country. The first round was being held as a two-day event in London over the weekend which meant Oliver was taking his first trip back to his second home, driving down on the Friday to spend the night. Along with his friends from his first home. Oliver wasn't sure how he felt about those two worlds colliding. He had plans to meet up with friends in London for a meal tonight, before any of the events began, and there was a chance there would be introductions between them all.

"Oli," Charlie called, waving a hand in his face and snapping Oliver from his train of thoughts. He had twisted around in his seat and folded his arms across the top of his seat to grin down at Oliver. Oliver pulled a headphone out to see what it was Charlie wanted to bug him about this time. "You sure zone out a lot, huh? I was going to ask if you brought any snacks. Kessy ate all of mine and I'm hungry."

"I did not," Kessy retorted. "I had two haribos and you scarfed the rest down yourself, you fat shit. Don't blame me for your lack of snacks."

Charlie waved a dismissive hand. "Details don't matter. All that matters is that all the snacks are gone."

"Just wait until we get to the next rest stop," Oliver said.

"I can't," Charlie said petulantly. "We still have two hours left of this journey and I don't think Mr Jeffries is going to make any more stops."

"You can't even go two hours without food?" Kessy asked in disbelief.

"I'm a growing boy, Kessandra. Some of us have a height to maintain beyond five foot."

"Insult my height one more time, Charlie, I fucking dare you – "

"Keep it down back there," Mr Jeffries called from the front of the minibus, looking beyond fed-up by the bickering that the whole team had been listening to for the past two hours. At least, those on the team who hadn't been smart enough to bring headphones. "And watch your language, Kessy. I've never met a teenage girl with such a foul mouth."

Kessy looked inexplicably pleased about this and Charlie turned back to Oliver with an imploring look. "Sorry," Oliver said. "I don't have any snacks either."

Oliver put his headphone back in when Charlie moved on to pester someone else and glanced at Reed where he was sat next to him by the aisle. By some miracle, he'd managed to sleep through the raucous chatter of a minibus filled with twenty swimmers and every so often his head lolled to rest against Oliver's shoulder. Two weeks had passed since the fateful Halloween party and things had been...different. Not necessarily between Oliver and Reed, who'd gotten pretty good at pretending nothing had happened when it clearly had, but the dynamic within the swim team. Or, more specifically, the members of the swim team who had been present for that game of never have I ever in the basement.

Charlie bounced back immediately from Reed's outburst at him but other than curious looks, and the odd whispered inappropriate comment to Oliver which he ignored, he didn't bring the topic back up. Dex and Kessy also kept any curiosities to themselves, although they weren't stupid. All of them knew that something was up between Reed and Oliver. The big difference had been Bailey. Oliver didn't miss that she'd chosen to sit up front with Dex rather taking the seat by Reed for the drive down. They didn't seem to be spending as much time together, not avoiding one another but keeping their interactions to within a group, and Oliver wasn't even sure if they were still dating. He didn't want to assume it had anything to with him, but the weirdness between had started right after Halloween. He didn't know what else could have caused it.

Reed hadn't said anything to him about it, hadn't even acknowledged anything was wrong between him and Bailey, so Oliver kept his mouth shut.

Oliver somehow managed to drift off with his music drowning out the voices of the others and was shaken awake by Charlie as the minibus rolled to a stop. "We're here, Sleeping Beauty," he grinned. "Wait 'til you see the hotel coach booked us! Also, I'm giving you the task of waking up Sleeping Beauty 2.0 up because I don't want to get my head bitten off."

Oliver glanced out of the window to see they were in the car park of a fancy looking hotel and then towards Reed, who was still fast asleep. "So, I have to get my head bitten off instead?" Oliver said wryly.

"Oh, come on. We all know Reed would never bite your head off," Charlie said, with an innocence Oliver didn't believe for a second. "If he was going to bite anything, I'm sure it would be your – "

"Charlie," Oliver interjected sharply. He never bothered to keep his voice down if Reed couldn't hear him and his voice was naturally loud enough for the whole minibus, including Mr Jeffries, to hear everything he said. That was a piece of gossip he didn't need to spread just because Charlie couldn't keep his mouth shut. "Shut up."

Charlie pouted. "First Reed, now you. You guys ruin all my fun. Does that mean you're still not going to tell us what the deal is?"

"The deal is," Oliver said, and Charlie's eyes widened in anticipation, "that it's none of your business."

Charlie looked like he wanted to protest but Kessy grabbed his arm and dragged him off the minibus, muttering about how he "needed to get a new fucking hobby because sticking his nose into other people's business was getting old". Kessy and Charlie had a sibling, love-hate relationship – as much as they bickered and argued with one another, anyone could see it was only because they were close enough with each other to be comfortable with that level of teasing. Oliver was pretty sure he'd watched Kessy push Charlie into the water for pissing her off, at least four times, and he'd only laughed as he swam back to the side.

Oliver nudged Reed awake as everyone else filed off the minibus. "Hey," he said, when Reed stirred with a sleepy-eyed look. He looked soft and rumpled when he had just woken up in a way he usually didn't. "We're here."

Reed stretched with a yawn and Oliver glanced away when his jumper rode up, revealing a strip of soft skin. "Welcome home," Reed said, a little sarcastically.

Oliver frowned. "I only lived here for five years. London was home for a while, sure, but not in the way Manchester is."

"How sweet," Reed said. "London was home enough that you made new friends though, didn't you? Friends you're meeting tonight."

"I am. Why, you feeling left out?" Oliver smirked at Reed's dirty look, giving his foot a light nudge. "Don't worry, no one could ever replace you, Reed. You'll always be my favourite friend."

"Oh, shut up, arsehole."

"No need to play it coy," Oliver said, and laughed when Reed gave him a shove. For all his teasing, no part of what he said was untrue even if it was passed off as a joke. He just hoped Reed couldn't see the truth of his words written across his face. "Admit it, Bishop. You missed me."

"In your dreams."

"So rude. Maybe I should just stay in London."

"Maybe you should," Reed said, but there was a smile curling at his lips and his foot was nudging Oliver's back in a way that felt too intentional to be ignored. Oliver was suddenly acutely aware of how close they were sitting, of the fact that they were the only too left on the minibus. Reed seemed to come to a similar realisation as he glanced around, gaze darting back to Oliver, but he didn't move to put any distance between them. "Oliver — "

"Sterling, Bishop!" Mr Jeffries stuck his head back into the minibus. "Let's get a move on. The sooner I get you all checked into your rooms, the sooner I can check out that hotel bar."

Reed had already looked away by the time Mr Jeffries had ducked back outside. He headed down the aisle to the door and Oliver grabbed his bag, moving to follow him when Reed turned around so suddenly that Oliver almost walked into him. "I'll be expecting a tour," Reed said, as Oliver rocked back to put some distance between them. Not because he wanted to do, not at all, but because it was a necessary evil if they wanted to maintain their friendship. Especially after whatever strange moment had just passed between them. "Of London. I want to see the life you lived away from Manchester."

Away from me was only implied, but Oliver heard it.

"Sure." Oliver couldn't stop the smile that spread across his face. "A tour of London is one thing I can do."