Chapter 20: Acceptance

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Torian stayed on his spot by the door, unable to look at me. I stood still too, my gaze locked on his face as I tried to figure out why he was feeling so ashamed. The emotion rocked into me through whatever now connected me to him. Was it was because he'd marked me? Perhaps it hadn't been what he wanted after all. The realisation hit me hard, stealing the breath from my lungs. He was ashamed he'd tied himself to me but I needed to hear it from his own lips.

"Why won't you look at me?" I asked desperately, needing to see into his eyes.

His neck stayed bowed, eyes on the floor. Rejection filled me. I thought he'd wanted me. I'd fooled myself into believing all the sweet words and promises. My jaw clenched, sadness turning into anger. I was always surrounded by liars. "If you won't so much as look up then I'd prefer to be left alone."

Hazel eyes finally lifted and he pulled himself up as best he could. It still wasn't the posture I was used to from him, there was something almost submissive in the way he stood. I didn't like it. It wasn't right. None of this was right.

"This isn't my husband I see standing before me. I don't know this man." I gestured to him and could swear he flinched.

With a deep sigh he took just one step towards me. That was at least progress.

"I am waiting for your anger," he admitted gruffly, a flash of the wolf in his eyes.

I frowned, slowly walk towards him, scared he'd move away. "Why would I be angry with you? I'm confused and a little scared about what happened last night but I'm not angry. I think you might have saved my life."

His gaze searched mine for any sign I was lying. When he didn't find what he was looking for, his expression turned to one of confusion. Now his emotions mirrored my own.

"I marked you without your permission. I couldn't control my instincts like the male I should be so I could stay by your side and make sure you were alright. My father had to discipline me like I was a misbehaving pup in front of our warriors." He looked disgusted with himself, turning away again as he ran a hand roughly through his hair.

He wasn't ashamed he'd marked me. He was ashamed he'd lost control. My anger melted away and I knew how to right the wrong that tensed between us a little.

"I'm not angry you marked me," I began uncertainly, unsure if I was using the right phrasing. It was all still so new to me. "It stopped whatever was happening. Your mother took good care of me afterwards. If anything, your actions only proved that you care for me."

"I do care for you, Màili."

His words caught me of guard and I felt like a young girl with a fancy for a man, all blushing cheeks and stumbling. More of the tension eased in the room. With a small smile, he motioned for me to sit. I took the chair I was in before and he took the one his mother had sat in, dragging it closer.

I settled with my back straight, hands folded neatly on my lap. Torian took on an amused look as he studied me. Opening myself up to the strange energy that thrummed between us. I could sense his worry for me, his anger at himself, and beneath that. . .an unnameable emotion. One that warmed me from the inside out.

I pushed that to one side. There were questions I needed answered about what happened last night. I knew he wouldn't say anything, not until I asked, so I had to make the first move.

"You know what was. . .is wrong with me," I stated, remembering the pain that had almost driven me mad.

"Yes. At least, I have my suspicions. I think your proximity to the pack and the full moon woke the wolf up. Your body didn't know what to do. It fought with itself." He spoke slowly as if I was a small child, clasping his hands in front of him.

I took a moment to take in what he said, smoothing out the imaginary creases of my skirts. It made sense. I could feel the presence of the beast inside me, it's power flowing through my veins. That's why I could see better, hear better, smell better. I inhaled, almost moaning at the scent of my now mate. He was every scent I loved. Wild forests, earth, a hint of heather. All very male.

"So this means I'm Wulver now," I surmised, picking at a loose thread on the blanket next to me.

Torian frowned, tipping his head. "You were always Wulver, Màili, but yes. You smell more like us now. The wolf is stronger, I feel that part of you through our bond."

"And the mark, it'll fade?" I asked, aware of its throbbing presence. It was still raw and healing, stingy to touch.

He shifted, looking almost uncomfortable before admitting, "It'll heal but the mark will remain for all to see. A sign that you're mine. A physical manifestation of our mating."

At first I blushed. Animals mated, and we'd done no such thing. We'd yet to even share a true kiss. But I understood his meaning. My fingers brushed over the scabbed over teeth marks and Torian stiffened before letting out a slow, shaky breath. It was my turn to frown now. His teeth would forever scar me.

"So I'm to walk around with a visible mark that I'm yours?" I suddenly fumed, indignation rising.

There was no hiding his smirk now and my hands fisted. Noting my fury, he reached out to take my hand, squeezing gently.

"It's not like that, Màili. It's sacred to our kind. I'm yours as much as you are mine. You can even mark me too, if you want. You were going to last night," he said, his voice soft and soothing.

My confidence wavered. "I. . .no. I wasn't."

Was I? There had been a moment when I'd felt the sharpness of fangs, the urge to bite. I shook my head, looking anywhere but at the man whose eyes were burning into my face.

"You were. I saw your fangs." He grinned, looking incredibly smug. "You wanted to bite and claim me as yours. That was the first thing I felt through our bond; your hunger to have me."

Blushing furiously, I straightened up, very aware of how great the hearing of Wulvers was. Anyone nearby would catch his words. "You shouldn't say such things, Torian."

He gave me a look and then stood, holding his hand out for me to take. I hesitated before placing my hand in his. He tugged me up and then pulled me towards the door.

"Then let's go somewhere more private," he said simply, swinging the door open.

"Where are we going?" I protested, trying to slide my hand from his. But his grip was firm and there was no getting away. Torian had decided now was the time to face everything.

"We're going to run together. I want to meet my mate's fur," he replied, ignoring his sister's wide eyed stare as we swept past her.

I stumbled after him, my mind whirring even as we went through the courtyard and then the gates. My husband's grip of my hand was tight but not painful and I grabbed my skirts to stop me tripping over leaves and fallen branches as we tracked further into the glens.

It was a warm day at least. Fluffy white clouds drifted across the blue sky but there was no time to admire the view. A soft breeze flung dark tendrils of hair in front of my eyes.

We finally came to a stop in the middle of the forest, gentle rushing water sounding to my left. It was only then that he let go of me. Folding his arms, he now stood as the man I remembered, tall and strong.

"Shift," he commanded.

Such a simple word but the power of his order washed over me. Something deep inside willed me to obey. I felt the prickle of my skin as I had last night and it was only held back by fear that curled around my chest. "No! No, I felt what it was like to shift, I don't want to! I refuse to go through that again!"

His expression softened, the power of him slowly fading until I felt in control of my own body once more. Soft hands caressed over my shoulder, fingers brushing against my throat and settling my panic. I fell into his warm touch, the callouses of his fingers bringing goosebumps to my flesh. My eyes fluttered shut and a sound akin to a purr left me, snapping me back to reality. I pushed Torian's hand away and stepped back, wrapping my arms protectively around my middle. He sighed softly.

"It's not meant to be like it was last night, wife. It won't be like that again, I swear. Your body was warring with itself. It'll be easier with me here, your fur will answer to the call of your mate. Me."

I didn't trust him. My fingers fretted at the cuffs of my sleeves. There was a part of me that was intrigued but the memory of last night cast that in shadow. Now there was some strange shared emotions between us, I couldn't hide my warring emotions.

"I'll shift first then. You'll see there's no pain, nothing to fear."

He stepped back and my cheeks blushed as he began to undress. I whipped around, covering my eyes before I caught even the smallest glimpse of skin. Torian chuckled.

"Your actions are endearing but you can look. We Wulvers are used to seeing each other like this, there's no shame in it. I am your mate after all."

He kept repeating that phrase. I'm your mate. Again and again as if trying to get me used to it. I didn't turn around though. Couldn't. I'd never seen a naked man in my life and doing so in the middle of the forest. . .

"You won't be able to see the truth if you don't look, Màili," he urged.

When I still didn't turn he sighed again. I heard the shuffle of clothing and peeked to see he was getting dressed once more. He left his overcoat on the ground and I frowned at it. His gaze followed mine.

"There's no point in ruining a good coat," he told me before the air fizzled around him. Without another word, giving me no chance to look away, he shifted.

The air filled with the sound of tearing clothes. Torian's body shimmered, his skin moving and in one blink, the man no longer stood. The grey wolf was far bigger and larger than the wolves that had stumbled across me only a few short days ago. He shook out his fur and stretched out, a little whine of relief as he did.

As he said, he didn't appear to be in any pain. I stared. Struck somewhere between awe and horror. The only part of Torian I recognised were the hazel eyes. They were brighter now, a feral glint in their depths, but I could see my husband there. I wanted to touch him, to sink my fingers into his fur. As if sensing this, the wolf took a deliberate step forward. His huge paw crushed the leaves and sticks beneath his weight, the sound almost deafening. I jumped back.

The big wolf whined again before taking another step. Then another, watching me like I might run at any second. I didn't run though. I was rooted to the spot, urged on by the growing presence of the nature of the wolf in me.

Torian paused to sniff the air around me before his tongue lapped at my clenched fist. I gasped, yanking my hand to my chest with a small laugh. He wasn't dangerous, at least not to me. Torian looked amused, a strange emotion to see in an animals eyes.

The air shimmered again. I took a startled step back when was once more my husband was standing before me in all his naked glory. The shock of it all had stopped all thoughts. His nakedness never filtered through my mind as I reached out an unbelieving hand, pressing it against Torian's arm. It was one thing to come across wolves, another to be told about Wulvers, but it was an entirely different thing to watch the truth of it all happen before my eyes.

I forgot my hand was against Torian's chest until he looked down at it then at me in question.

"Just like that?" I whispered in amazement.

He smiled, cupping my cheek. "Just like that, wife. Let go. Relax. Your body knows what to do as long as you don't fight it."

His thumb was stroking over my cheekbone and it became even more difficult to think. My head turned, teeth nipping at his wrist, my tongue flicking out to taste his skin. He was smiling now. I didn't back away when he leaned in to press a gentle kiss to the corner of my lips. "Shift Màili. Run with me."

The laces of my dress were undone before I could argue, Torian lifting the overcoats down my arms. My skirts billowed to the ground, leaving me standing in only my shift. Those fingers trailed over my shoulders now, tugging at the sleeves in an attempt to remove my last few items of clothes. But that was too big a step for me, for now.

I closed my eyes, breathing deeply. Clinging onto the new presence I felt inside, I tugged, drawing it out, and I felt Torian doing the same through the bond. Low growls and encouraging rumbles kept me going. On the next exhale, my whole being trembled.

The rest of my clothes fell from around me, I felt the shift of bones and muscle but there was no pain. Not like there was last night. A dull ache at most that was pushed away by the pleasant heat that filled my veins.

Thoughts blurred. I shook my head, trying to straighten them out. Swaying unsteadily on four paws, I blinked rapidly. If I thought things looked different yesterday, they were on a whole other spectrum today. Every sight and scent was overwhelming and something whined. When Torian nudged into my side, in his fur once more, I realised I'd been the thing that whined.

I stumbled my first few steps, my own tail getting in the way. Growling in frustration, I closed my eyes and took another deep breath. This was what I was born for, I just had to let go. Torian came to my side, his huge, hulking body bumping into mine, urging me to follow him.

He lead me over to the slow flowing stream, nudging me again to step forward. I was scared to look. Scared of what I'd see reflected back at me. A sharp nip to my hind leg had me yipping and startling forward, splashing into the water. Dark, damp fur clung to my legs. Black as night, the wolf stared back at me with my own eyes. The only part of myself that I recognised.

Stumbling out of the water, I landed on my rump. Torian snorted from where he sat watching, standing slowly to lick my cheek. I rubbed back against him, allowing instinct to guide me. He smelt like mine. With another nip he turned and darted off I to the trees and the only thing I could do was follow.

The adrenaline that rushed through my veins at the feeling of such strength as I ran was exhilarating. How had I ever feared this? How had I not been doing this my whole life? It felt right, comfortable, as if finally finding what had been missing. Torian ran next to me, allowing me to lead us in no particular direction. The wolf wanted to scent everything. Instinct ruled and I rubbed up against trees, leaving my own scent around the territory. If I was of my own mind, I might have been embarrassed as I marked the very edge of Lord Lyall's land.

Torian didn't seem to find anything wrong with it. He sat and kept an eye on our surroundings when I rolled about in nice smelling moss, nipped at me if I strayed, and played with me when I bounced around with my tail held high. As the sun began to set, he urged me back to the manor. I growled unhappily but a quick snap of his jaws set me back. He was in charge, I'd sensed that the moment I'd shifted.

I wanted to stay out here in the wild and it was hard to drag my mind away from the more feral. Standing stiffly, fighting with myself, I tried to tug in the human part. But I wasn't human. I never had been.

Torian stood in front of me, growling again. The dominance of his stance is what brought me back. I had no doubt if I disobeyed or tried to run, he'd have no qualms about dragging me back. Slowly, I walked back to his side and he gave me a playful nip to the ear. I stuck close by his side, using the strength of him to keep me going.

Something shifted between us as we walked home. The nips and bumps we shared were still soft, but there was a meaning to them that was hard to place when my thoughts were still jumbled. I rubbed my head beneath his chin, rumbling gently. I'd enjoyed our run. Immensely so.

When we reached the gates, Torian changed back and the power that exuded from him forced my own shift. Before I could say anything about being naked in sight of anyone, Torian pulled me into his arms

Fire erupted within me as his lips pressed against mine. He was so sure as his hands held my waist, his tongue sweeping across my bottom lip. Shyness left me and I kissed him back, my body seeming to know what to do. My arms slid around his neck, keeping him pressed against me.

Something hard hit my back and it took me a moment to realise he'd pushed me up against the courtyard wall. I pulled back, my cheeks flushed. My heart was fluttering in my chest and my breathing was ragged.

"Someone will see us," I murmured, ducking my head.

Torian chuckled, tilting my head up so he could place a feather kiss against my lips. "They've seen much more than a simple kiss. Things aren't as private amongst wolves."

"It should be private!" My hands remained on his arms, using his body to shield mine.

"Why? Because that's what you've been taught? Touch is important to wolves, throughout the whole pack. All they're seeing is a male taking care of his female. Most wouldn't even give finding a mated couple in the throes of passion in the woods a second glance," he informed me in a teasing tone.

I stared at him with wide, unbelieving eyes. He tried not to laugh, I'd give him that much, but I could see the amusement in his eyes. When I remained stiff, he made no move to push me.

"I won't kiss you in public again," he said quietly, stepping back.

My arms wound around myself, eyes darting around for any sign someone was watching. "It's not the kiss."

Understanding dawned on him as he looked me over. He dragged me towards the stables, grabbing a thick blanket from one of the stalls to throw around my shoulders. I tugged it closer, making sure everything was covered.

"I'm sorry. It never occurred to me. I should have thought," he apologised, even though he was still trying to keep from laughing.

I found myself almost giggling as well, wondering if I would ever get used to the way things were done here. Leading me across the courtyard and inside. My fingers brushed over my swollen lips and secretly, I smiled. I was sure now beyond a doubt that my feelings for Torian were returned. One day soon I'd perhaps feel confident in admitting as much to him.