Ever since I was a young child, I never imagined living the life that I am living now. I always thought that I would meet a nice man, fall in love, settle down. I always pictured having a big family and becoming a stay-at-home mom.

Never in a million years would I have pictured myself in such a shitty situation.

"Howard? Kathryn Howard?" I glance away from the white tile floor, to the woman dressed in purple scrubs. My heart fell as I realize the situation I was in. Remembering why I was here in the first place. I needed answers. Casey needed answers. Emily needed answers. I stand from the chair, following the woman to a private room.

My mind played those few words that fell from Casey's lips two days ago. Personality Disorder? I wanted to tell her to stop playing with me, that it wasn't funny. But with the face she was making, I knew she wasn't just playing a joke on me. She was worried and even though she wouldn't admit it, I could see the fear behind her pure brown eyes.

The nurse smiles as she places my file on the counter. First step to healing was to get results. I couldn't claim I had something without medical acknowledgment. Then if it was true that I had a personality disorder along with post-traumatic stress disorder, I would find a therapist.

Sighing, I pull my phone out of my purse. I notice the few messages from my girlfriend, causing me to smile. The sight of her contact name puts me at ease.

I send her the address, knowing I would love to ride home with her after this appointment. Once the message is sent, in comes the doctor. I quickly turn off my phone and set it in my purse, providing him my undivided attention. Green eyes land on me.

Swallowing the lump in my throat, I watch as he closes the door behind him to further give us privacy. I knew it was procedure, but I suddenly grew uncomfortable in the room alone with him. He grabs my file, "Kathryn Howard, it's so nice to meet you. How have you been?"

"G-good, is it mandatory that the door remains closed?"

His eyes land on the door before meeting mine. "It's not, just for privacy reasons. Are you claustrophobic? I have no problem opening the door if that's what you want."

I eye him for a few seconds before my eyes land on the door. The longer it remains closed the more unsafe I feel. I knew he wasn't like the man I had to deal with recently, but I didn't want to be shut off from other onlookers. "Please open the door" I mutter softly.

He hesitates, to which I notice.

"O-open the door! I-I can't! I can't stay here!" I yell grabbing my purse and shooting towards the door. "Miss Howard, are you okay?"

My hands drop to my side as my vision darkens. Suddenly I'm in my apartment, hiding in my closet. I knew this scene, I knew it all too well. I feel a warm hand on my shoulder, causing me to cower. I scoot into the corner of my closet, tears staining my cheeks as I hug my knees to my chest.

"Kathryn?" His voice echoes in my head. He was still here, haunting me. I was reliving this day again.

- - - - -

I glance away from the TV, my eyes landing on Casey. I smile, jumping up from the couch and rushing towards my girlfriend. I bury my head in the crook of her neck, enjoying the familiar scent of her vanilla and coconut shampoo. I needed this sense of security. "I came as fast as I could, what happened?"

Pulling away from my girlfriend, I can only keep my smile. "What are you talking about?"

She raises a brow, "Kathryn don't you remember calling me? I spoke with your doctor, uh Doctor Vincent Wells. Don't you remember?"

I frown in confusion, not sure of what exactly she was talking about. "I've been here all day. I canceled my appointment this morning. Don't you remember? I even called you."

I watch Casey's face contort in realization. She pulls away sighing. "That's not what happened Ryn. You went to your appointment with Dr. Wells. You had an episode. I'm not sure what you did but you called me when you were driving home but I was already at the doctor's. I spoke with Dr. Wells, he was really worried."

Watching my girlfriend, I chuckle before walking away from her. "Casey, I'm not crazy."

"I'm not saying you are Ryn. I'm worried too. It's clear you have PTSD and Dr. Wells said you... you were showing signs that could indicate Bipolar personality disorder. Which explains why you could be calm one second and freaking out the next."

Brown eyes watch me. "Why do you have to label it? It shouldn't matter. I just thought something happened, it doesn't have to mean anything."

"You told me you would check," Casey says calmly.

I could feel my blood boiling as I turn to face the younger girl. "What is it with you people? You always want to label someone as crazy! I'm fucking fine, Casey! I'm normal. This is how I normally am, are you unhappy with me now? Because I've been touched by a man?!"

"I'm fine. I don't need some man with a damn doctor's license to know if I'm normal or not."

I watch Casey make her way towards me. I swallow the lump in my throat the sight of my girlfriend calming me down. I wrap my arms around her, "Where have you been? I think I had an episode today." I groan.

My memory had been all hazy since I left the doctor's office. The last thing I remember clearly was driving home crying and calling her phone. I couldn't remember anything that happened from the time I ended the call to now. When did she get here? How long has it been since I made it home?

Soft hands press onto my arms, pushing me away from my girlfriend. I frown at the lost contact but I take a step back. Glancing up, I eye my lover. I could tell from her expression, that something had happened. I sigh and take a seat on the couch. I pat the seat beside me for her to sit as well.

She obliges. Silence sets around us and I glance at the TV, noticing the movie playing. Angry Birds. When the hell did I put that on? However, I don't move to change the movie, instead, I continue to watch it. Casey and I remain in silence, the only sound coming from the TV.

Every few seconds I glance at the curly-haired beauty beside me. Her eyes remain on the TV. She rests her hands in her lap, sitting with enough space between us to cause me to feel as though she was scared to touch me. I take in her outfit, consisting of dark skinny jeans and an oversized khaki sweater.

I can't help but smile at how cute she was today. Like she is every day. My girlfriend is the cutest. Brown eyes meet mine causing me to blush and glance at the screen. I notice that the credits are on, forcing us to speak.

"Are you hungry? I'll cook us something" I mutter, standing from my spot. I walk past the girl only to be stopped as she grabs onto the hem of my tee. Our eyes meet, brown on brown clashing. My heartbeat increases the longer she stares at me. Swallowing the lump in my throat, I sit back down.

Casey sighs, "We need to talk."

Only 4 words. That's all it takes to send my world spiraling into chaos. 'We need to talk'.

It could mean anything. But all I could think about was the past moments we've spent together. From the time she got me back to now. Was Casey annoyed with me? Was I too much to handle? She wasn't able to love this broken and shattered Kathryn as she loved me before! That had to be it. She was going to dump me. She was going to leave me for good.

I have PTSD and a personality disorder. Casey's young. That's probably not what she wants in a partner. She doesn't want to have the responsibility to take care of me when she's supposed to be living her best life. I'm just an obstacle in her life.

She's going to leave me. I could feel my heart shatter at the thought, knowing it was going to come up eventually. I wasn't normal anymore. It was a major turn-off.

"Just go" I spit angrily. "Kathryn--"

"Go, okay! I get it! You don't love me. How could you love me? I'm fucking abnormal and you're young. Staying with me, taking care of me now that I'm incompetent to think clearly... that's not your responsibility Casey. So just go, spare me the lecture. I know you'll never love me the same. Believe me when I say I wish I could go back in time and fix me. I wish none of this happened to me, to us."

I expect her to leave and never look back. To move on and never give me a second thought.

But she surprises me when she pulls me into her embrace. I sob into her shoulder, "Casey, I get it. You don't have to stay and take care of me."

The girl pulls away, wiping my tears. "You're such a cry baby, Ryn. I'm not going anywhere. I told you already, I love you. Okay? So stop crying. I'm not going anywhere."