I locked myself in my room all day Saturday. Finn and Jack asked if I wanted to hang out, but I wasn't ready to spend free time with Finn yet. Thankfully, I don't think anyone had realized when I meant when I almost said I cared about Jack, so I didn't have to worry about that. I spent a lot of time thinking, and I more I thought about it, the more I realized it was really true. I liked Jack. A lot. I think I always knew, deep down. I'd tried to repress it for years, probably because I didn't want to ruin our friendship. But I couldn't fight it any longer, it would be unfair to myself.

The only problem was, I had absolutely no idea how Jack felt about me. My only real indication was the night that Jack and I got really fucked up, but he was really drunk and had just gotten in a fight with his girlfriend, soI guess that was no real indication. People had always told me we were meant to be, but that didn't really mean anything either. Sure, sometimes Jack kissed my cheek or called me pretty, but he did that with all his friends, even Finn. I felt stupid for thinking when he did it with me I was special.

I tried to stay inside and think on Sunday too, but Jack wouldn't stop blowing up my phone. We had a math test the next day that he was certain he was going to fail, and he insisted I needed to help him study. I was extremely tired due to the fact that I had stayed up until four am trying to figure out what the fuck to do about this whole situation, but when Jack needed help, I had to give it to him.

💛

Madison

Please

Answer

what do u want

💛

We have a math test tomorrow and I'm gonna fail

Please come over and help me study

im so fucking tired

do i have to

💛

YES YOU DO

I'm coming to your house right now if you don't come over

I'm serious

jack im REALLY tired

💛

Madisonnnnnnnn

I need you

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

fine

see you in 20 min

💛

Yay

Love you

I reluctantly crawled out of bed, threw on some clothes, grabbed my math notes, and walked to Jack's house. As excited as I was to see him, I felt slightly nervous. I'd never actually spent time with Jack while admitting to myself that I liked him. I tried to push that thought out of my mind as I rang his doorbell. I'd spent time with Jack almost every day of my life, there's no reason this should be any different.

Jack's mom answered the door, and told me Jack was waiting in the kitchen. I thanked her and went to join him. He was sitting at the kitchen table, papers strewn across the surface and deep in thought.

"Hey," I said, sliding into the seat next to him.

"Thank god you came, I don't understand this at all. Like, not one bit. What the fuck is the Law of Sine's?" He whined. I laughed, picking up my notebook and beginning to explain the unit to him. It took a while, but we worked through it, and after about an hour he could complete a problem correctly.

"See, it's not so hard," I smiled after approving his work.

"I couldn't have done it without you. You're a lifesaver, Mads," he sighed, grabbing my hand, which was laying on the table, and squeezing it.

"No problem," I said, not moving my hand from his grasp. We sat there for a few seconds, before Jack spoke.

"Wanna watch a movie?" He suggested. His hand was still on mine, and his finger had begun tracing circles on my wrist.

"Sure," I agreed. He continued to hold my hand and led me to the couch. It wasn't unlike Jack to be touchy and affectionate, but I couldn't help but feel hopeful that this meant something more. We were both single now, and anything could happen.

"What movie?" He asked, sitting down on the couch lazily. I sat next to him, making sure not to get too close so I could be comfortable and not freaking out about him touching me.

"Uh, I don't know. I'm kinda in the mood to watch Beetlejuice or something," I shrugged.

"Nah, I'm in the mood for a romcom kinda thing." He grabbed the remote and turned on the tv, going straight to netflix and browsing the options.

"What about the Kissing Booth?" He suggested after a few minutes of searching.

"Seriously? Haven't you already seen that? I've seen it like five times. Plus, To All the Boys I've Loved Before is way better, just saying," I laughed.

"First off, never compare two cinematic masterpieces. And no, I've never seen the Kissing Booth. So that's what we're watching," he declared, pressing play before I could protest further. Once the movie started, I instinctively laid on Jack's chest. He wrapped his hand around me, pulling me in close and allowing me to get comfortable. I shouldn't overthink it, right? Jack was just being Jack. There was nothing special about his arm around me. But then again, he had held my hand, and he was cuddling with me now. I hated that I was suddenly over analyzing everything he did with me, every word he said, every move he made. I just wanted to spend time with my best friend without having stupid feelings involved.

Thirty minutes later, I was half asleep and barley paying attention. Jack was very invested in the movie, and began absentmindedly playing with my hands, which were lying beneath his own. The scene in the movie where Elle and Noah finally kissed came on, and, without thinking, I blurted out,

"You know, we kissed once. We were both really drunk, and we just did. You didn't remember, though." I instantly regretted it. What kind of stupid fucking sleep deprived idiot says that?

"I remember," he whispered.

"What?" I asked. I wasn't sure if I had heard correctly. He grabbed the remote and paused the movie.

"I said, I remember. It was the night Ellie and I got in a fight. You came over to help me. We kissed. Finn interrupted us. I remember."

"But- you- you said you didn't remember," I stammered. I sat up, turning to face him. I felt my face flush red with embarrassment, and a little shock.

"And you said you didn't remember," he countered, running his fingers through his hair.

"Only because I didn't want to seem, I don't know, stupid? If you forgot, it would be easier if I forgot too," I explained.

"Well I didn't forget."

"Why did you lie?" I questioned. Jack sighed.

"I didn't think it mattered. Friends kiss all the time, you know. Like, girls kiss each other all the time just for fun and it doesn't mean anything. For practice and stuff. So why isn't it the same for us?" he shrugged. Ouch.

"O-oh, yeah. Of course." Well at least now I know how Jack felt. We were just friends. Just best friends. And I happened to be the idiot who falls for the guy she will never have.

"That was a while ago, and were both in relationships," he said.

"Yeah." I frowned, and laid back on his chest, trying to shake the information I had just learned. Jack didn't think what we did was special. He thought of it simply as practice. But then again, he had lied about remembering. That must mean something, right? I'd known this boy for years, why was he suddenly so damn hard to read?

"Things change," he added, tracing his finger over my hand.

"What do you mean?"

"We aren't in relationships anymore. Things change, people change, feelings change." He laced his fingers into mine, placing our hands in his lap.

"Yeah," I said, trying to conceal the smile creeping across my face. Feelings change.