I didn't own much so packing was quick. It was barely enough to fill one backpack. I took a shower really early this morning to refresh myself and remove any dried blood from my skin. When I got out I looked at myself in the dirty mirror.

My eyes don't match me. I have electric blue eyes that are full of life and energy. But I am not full of life. I feel dull and broken. Not lively and electric. My thin brown hair curls softly, framing the small features of my face. Everything about me was small.

Maybe that was my genetics, maybe it was from not eating most of my life. I don't know. But at least everything was proportionate. I looked at my ribs in the mirror again. They looked really really bad and hurt even worse.

I looked at my bruised and disgusting body. That's when I decided that who ever my father was, he could never know about what happened to me here. What if he thought I was disgusting? What if he decided he didn't want a broken child? No, I would make sure that he never knew. Maybe I could sneak downstairs and get some ice... no that was a death wish. If I got caught they would kill me.

I decided I would just take some painkillers and try to keep from bumping them. I had stolen some painkillers from a pharmacy a couple days ago (I know it's wrong to steal but it was an emergency. at least that's what I told myself.) and had done some research at the local library about how many to take and things like that.

You may say I'm too mature for a 9 year old but when you grow up in the way that I have, you have to be mature. When no one looks out for you, you have to step up and do the things adults should be doing. I put on a t-shirt, I prayed was clean and a pair of jeans I had gotten from good will.

I only owned 1 pair of jeans, a few t-shirts and a pair of soft shorts for sleep, so picking what to wear was never a big deal for me. I was getting on the train at noon and it was currently 9 a.m. meaning I had to start walking in about 20 minutes.

I could hear Greg snoring next door and I carefully tiptoed down the stairs to grab my shoes. When I got there I saw my mother sitting at the kitchen table staring off into space.

I remembered the moms on TV. They would sit at the kitchen table and the children would come and kiss them and eat breakfast with them talking about the football game.

But never in a million years would I willing sit at a table with my mother. I wondered if she really hated me as much as she said she did? I hated that I still wanted that awful woman to love me. I hated that I still longed for her to be a mom to me. But mostly I hated that I didn't hate her. That a part of me still loved her.

She didn't see me standing there looking at her and I grabbed my backpack and shoes before she could. Once I was outside I put on my worn out sneakers and began the long walk to the train station.

I made it there at 11:57. Perfect timing. I got on the train and was seated next to a woman with 2 small children. She looked at me funny "Dear are you parents here?" She asked. I shook my head unsure why she was asking "You're traveling on your own?" Her eyes were wide but I just nodded. She seemed upset about this answer but didn't press anymore.

I don't know why she cared in the first place but shrugged it off and focused on the world rushing by outside the window. As you can imagine I haven't gone many places in my life so all the wonderful colors and shapes were simply mesmerizing.

The woman next to me tapped my shoulder making me jump and snap out of my trance "Do you want some food dear?" She asked me. I shook my head "I don't have money." She laughed lightly "No I meant I would give you some food. Would you like some?" She seemed kind but I was still unsure.

But still I nodded and she handed me a bag of something I've never seen. She must have noticed my confused look because she leaned over and said "What never seen pretzels before?" She chuckled. I shook my head and she gave me a puzzled look. I tucked the bag into my backpack, wanting to save it for later. I turned to the woman and smiled softly "Thank you."

She returned my smile "No problem, it's what Moms are for." I felt my face drop. I didn't look at the woman for the rest of the trip because if I did, I think I would break down in tears.

She was the mom I always wanted.

Finally after what felt like an eternity, the train slowed and pulled into a station.