[note: this is set between the final chapter and epilogue]

•••

Life doesn't always play out the way we want it to. There are a lot of factors that mess up our perfectly laid out plans. I had everything set in my mind — after I moved in with the man I love, I thought things can only go uphill from here.

But then, life happened.

For me, that factor which has left me with these wandering thoughts is a job I took up in Pittsburgh. I've been working as an assistant editor at a magazine company. It pays my bills, adds onto my experience and like the hopes I had for my relationship, I'm praying that my career would only go uphill from here.

It's been eight months since I last saw Chris. Eight agonising months that has left my heart hurting more than I ever thought was possible. He's in law school now. That bitch actually studied his ass off and got into law school, and I am so incredibly proud of him — but also incredibly sad for us.

"Please, please tell me you're not doing this impulsively." Evan speaks up after a few seconds of silence.

I snicker at his words as I drag my bag to move out of the airport. "What do you think, Ev?"

"God dammit, An! Did you even apply for a leave?" He asks.

"I called in sick this morning, told them I might not be well for a couple of days." I mumble, and then turn a deaf ear towards him as I look for the cab I booked.

When I see it, I finally pay attention to my best friend on the other side of the call. "He's a lucky bastard."

"Can't argue with that." I smile as the driver helps me keep my luggage. "I'll talk to you soon, alright? Good luck with the meeting."

"Thanks, An. Take care of yourself."

After he hangs up, I let out a long sigh, my eyes fixed outside the window as I take in the city. Evan's being picked for a team — it's a slow process that's completely confidential so I have very few details, but I know he's excited for it. He's been in and out of meetings regarding the same for a week now.

I focus on the jitters in my entire body, rushing through every cell as my thoughts shift to Chris. My emotions are all over the place, but mostly I just want to see him. I haven't ever been in a long distance relationship, ever, but I knew it wouldn't be a cake walk.

We have our ups and downs, but what I didn't know was how terrible it would be after living together for three years. I had my morning routines set up according to him, and not in an unhealthy codependent manner. Rather in a way where I would wake up to his face and wonder how the hell did I get so lucky.

Now, I wake up to phone calls on some days from him or I call him up in the morning when it gets too much — when the distance gets too much. If I'm being completely honest, it overwhelms me every day, but I put up a smile on my face when we FaceTime because I know how hard it is for him here.

Law school is kicking his ass. He doesn't have to say it, I see it on his face.

When the driver stops in front of the address, I pay him the fare and drag my luggage to the building lobby. It takes me a second to spot the elevator so I make my way up to the floor and pull out my phone to check for the tenth time his apartment number.

He has a roommate but I am secretly hoping that the guy wouldn't be home so I can get some time with Chris alone. But when I knock on the door and a half naked dude opens it, I try not to let my disappointment be evident.

"May I help you?" He asks, looking down at my bag with a quizzical look on his face.

I clear my throat before speaking up, "Is Chris here? I'm Adrianna, his girlfriend."

"Oh, right! I'm Alex. Thought you looked familiar." He gives me a smile, stepping away to let me in. "He isn't home yet, but he should be here soon."

"Thanks." I nod at him.

"You should make yourself comfortable." He points to the couch facing away at the television in the living room. "Or his room is just down the hall on the right. Not sure if it's unlocked."

"Pretty sure it'll be locked." I laugh, knowing my man well enough.

Alex smirks a little. "He didn't mention you'll be visiting."

"Oh." I lightly tug my hair behind my ear as I try to bite my tongue to tell him to wear some clothes. "He doesn't know."

"Right." He nods. "I'll get out of your hair then. Give me a couple of minutes, yeah?"

"No, please. That's okay." I try to assure him, not wanting to make him feel uncomfortable. This is after all, his place.

"Ay, I know the guy hasn't seen you in months. Trust me, I can find myself a place for the night." He winks, a deep blush erupting on my cheeks as he goes down to his room without another word.

When he's out of my sight, I let out a breath, my cheeks cooling down a little as I look around. It's an average apartment with the bean bag chairs and a couch in the living room. There's a kitchen on the left, barstools lining the island.

I haven't visited him here before. He came to see me eight months ago, but since then, nothing. It had just been two months in law school and he was having a difficult time adjust so we planned to meet but since I couldn't step away from the job, he insisted to come visit me. Who was I to say no?

My thoughts pause when Alex enters the living room again, this time fully dressed. He pauses where I have taken a seat on the couch, placing my bag by its side.

"He should here in an hour at max. Should we exchange numbers in case you need anything?" He looks a little unsure and I try to hold back my laugh.

"I don't bite, Alex. Here." I pull out my phone and pass it to him.

"He doesn't realise it, but he does talk a lot about you." He grins at me, handing the phone back.

"Well, he better. The chicks should know that ass's taken." I try to joke and he lets out a loud laugh.

"He was right. You don't have a filter." He shakes his head in amusement as he heads for the door. "Well, I hope to see you before you leave."

"Right back at ya!"

The door shuts close behind him and I check my phone to see if there's a text from Chris I missed. We talked this morning, which is a major reason I'm here right now. There isn't any notification so I just keep my phone on silent and place it on the coffee table.

I look around the place a little, biting on my lip as I try to imagine Chris being his organised self around here. In three years that we lived together, I learned more about him than I ever could've. He hates, absolutely hates anything messy.

We had our fair share of arguments about a sock on the floor or the closet being unkempt. He likes things a certain way, and he just expects that everyone has the same knack for cleanliness that he does. I've kind of picked on that healthy habit from him, amongst other things.

The doorknob jingles a little, immediately catching my attention when I hear a key being turned because of the eerie silence surrounding the place. I hold my breath as Chris steps in the apartment, his hair shorter on his head than he kept during high school.

He's wearing a black v-neck with the sleeves scuffed up till his elbows and a pair of washed jeans along with white sneakers. My heart almost jumps out of my chest when I realise that I'm seeing him in person. His attention doesn't fall on me, instead he just casually walks in the kitchen, hanging his keys in the holder by the refrigerator.

How oblivious is he to his surroundings?

I don't make an attempt to make my presence known. Instead, I stay rooted to the couch, observing his behaviour. If a killer or a thief was waiting for him in here, he would be dead by now! Seriously, what the hell?

But then his eyes finally flicker to me, an unreadable look falling across as he stumbles back a step. One of his hand instantly go around his chest where I'm sure I can feel his heartbeat, while the other holds the edge of the kitchen island.

"Hi." I wave at him and stand up, not sure what else to do.

How are you supposed to surprise someone? I've never in my entire life done this before. It's one of my many firsts with this beautiful human who continues to stare at me.

"Claire?" His lips part in surprise and I smile at him.

"Surprise?" I laugh a little, my nerves resolving.

My body feels like it would give up on me as he literally sprints from one end of the living room to where I'm standing. His hands go around my waist and I jump into his arms, wrapping my entire body with his, processing this feeling that's so familiar yet feels strangely new after all this time.

He instantly supports my weight on him, my legs wrapped around his waist as he holds me in his arms. I breathe him in, the same scent that had faded months back from his t-shirts I have with me.

I can feel his warm breath against my neck, the entire comfort of his body engulfing as my heart contracts from the pain of being away from him for so long.

"You're really here." He speaks, almost sounding like in a trance as I slowly come back to reality from the high.

I part away a little, slowly unwrapping myself from him. He lets me down on the floor but I don't give him a chance to think as I kiss him. Words cannot do justice to how much I've missed this — how much I've dreamt about the day I would meet him again and to be able to feel his lips against mine.

When we part away, his eyes meet mine and they are shining with unshed tears, mirroring mine. But the sight takes me by surprise as I look at him in absolute awe.

"Oh my god!" He breathes, blinking his eyes as he continues to stare at me. "Fuck, you're really here."

"Yes, yes, I am." I grin, kissing him again. "I've missed you so much."

He brings his hands to my face, brushing aside my hair as he traces his thumb on my cheeks. I notice the way he practically swallows back his tears.

"It's okay, baby. It's just me." I remind him, always assuring him that he can be vulnerable in front of me.

He just shakes his head, a tear falling down his eyes as he kisses my forehead. "What are you doing here?"

"You didn't sound so good this morning." I shrug, remembering the way his smile seemed so heartbreaking when he called me as soon as he woke up.

He was still in bed, and he just kept staring at me through the screen without saying a word. It's one of those days where the distance gets too much — and I just couldn't hold myself back. I booked the first flight and came here to see him. My heart yearned to comfort him, and I couldn't do that through my phone. It's not enough, it's never enough.

"God, you're unbelievable." He whispers and I wipe away at his cheeks. "It still feels like a dream."

I laugh a little, "You dream a lot about me, don't you?"

"Since the day I've met you, Claire." He grins, and my heart feels like it would explode. I've missed seeing him like this.

"I'm sorry if I shouldn't have come unannounced." I put my hands on his shoulder, rubbing it up and down his arms as I try to embrace touching him as much as possible.

"Shut up." He mumbles, kissing me again, his finger under my chin as he teases me a little with his tongue. "I've missed you so fucking much."

"I know." I sigh, pulling him to the couch to sit down so I can sit in his lap, facing him. "This is so hard."

"It isn't yet, trust me." He smirks and I gape at him, swatting at his chest as my cheeks flush.

"Jay!" I squeal, trying to get away from him but he just laughs, tightening his hold on my waist to keep me still. My smile just widens when I realise how my heart feels a little lighter hearing the sound of his laughter in person.

His smile falters a little as he stares at me, our hands constantly on each other's body after months of being apart. "It's a torture without you here."

My eyes fill up at how his voice cracks a little at the end. I try to swallow back the lump in my throat when I realise that this is just temporary and I'll have to leave in a few days. But I try to push those thoughts back. Right now, I'm here with him and I want to be happy!

"I wish I could make this easier," I move my hands around his neck, rubbing my thumb on his jaw. "We can visit each other more often."

He nods, "I wanted to come see you but the classes are so tough. I barely get time to catch up with everything."

"No," I shake my head, "You don't have to explain, Jay. I know how difficult it is. I should've come here sooner."

"Let's not dampen the mood, yeah?" His lips pull into a lop-sided smile. "When did you even plan this?"

"I didn't." I rest my forehead against his. "Like I said, you didn't sound so good this morning."

"Because I dreamt about you, about how we were living together again. You're a pain in the ass, Claire, but I'd have that over the ache in my heart in your absence."

I pull my bottom lip between my teeth to stop it from quivering at his words. He just said let's not spoil the mood only to go on and say things like that. I don't think people realise how much torture it is to spend each day with your partner states away from you.

"Can I tell you something?" I ask as he uses the pad of his thumb to wipe away my tears.

"Always."

"I tried to get a job here." I close my eyes momentarily from the embarrassment that takes over my face but then I see the look of shock on his face.

"When? How?" His voice is laced with surprise. "Why didn't you say anything?"

I shrug, "I was over in my head, Jay. I thought I'll surprise you with the news."

"But?" He scowls, reading my face carefully.

"Didn't get it." I shake my head. "There was no point in telling you after that."

"Baby." He gives me a small sympathetic smile, kissing my cheek. "You should've told me, even if you didn't get it. I can't imagine how bummed you would've been, and I wanted to be there for you."

"I was!" I throw my hands in the air. "I was so damn bummed, Chris. I had this entire thing planned that I would move in with you again and we'll go back to that life where we ate pizzas in the morning and waffles for dessert."

"That would've been amazing."

He smiles, a sad smile etched on his face as he listens to me rambling on. "I just want to be with you, this sucks and I didn't think it could feel this bad."

"I know." He sighs, nodding as he brings up my hand to kiss my palm. "Just couple of more years, Claire. As soon as I have my degree, I'm gluing your ass to mine."

A chuckle erupts through me. "Promise?"

"I swear on these beauties." His hands come around my breasts, a dark amused expression taking over his face.

"Oh my god." I laugh loudly, not being able to hold it back. "Pop quiz, Jay. What did you miss more, my boobs or me?"

"That's not a fair question." He pouts playfully. "You know I'm in love with one of you."

"Wow." I snicker, shaking my head. "And I'm not one of the options, am I?"

"If we're being honest..." he trails off, shrugging with a grin which earns him a playful glare and a swat on his chest. "I just can't wait to have you to myself."

"Well, you have me now." I smile suggestively. "Your roommate isn't coming back for the rest of the night."

"You met Alex?" He arches a surprised eyebrow and I nod. "Did he not try to flirt with you?"

"No." I laugh. "I'm sure he knows better than to mess with you."

"Good." He kisses me. "I hate to bring this up but till when are you here?"

"Sunday evening."

"How did you get a leave?" He asks, continuing to kiss me down the neck.

"Didn't. Told them I'm not well, so it's fine if I don't show up tomorrow either. You have me for next three days."

"I think I can make my peace with that." His hands come around the hem of my t-shirt before he pulls it over my head. His eyes cast down to my red bra, a slow smirk taking over his face. "Ah, the love of my life."

"Asshole." I mutter before pulling him by the neck and slamming my lips against his as I press down harder on his lap, a moan leaving him.

His tongue meets mine as his hands move to my back. I trail my finger down to his chest before pulling up his t-shirt, parting away a little to get rid of it.

"You're on the pill, right?" He asks, his voice a little rushed and I pause a little, my hands halting on his zipper.

"Well, kind of. I've been slacking a little."

"What does that mean?"

"I think I've missed a few pills," I tell him honestly. "It's better to use a condom."

"I don't have one!" He exclaims. "How can you miss a pill?"

"Babe, contrary to the popular belief, in this long distance relationship it's just the two of us instead of four people." I try to bite back my laugh when he glares at me. "We haven't had sex in eight months, kinda lost the track."

"Gonna have to rely on my pull out game because I'm not running to buy a condom." He moves me down to the couch before unbuttoning my jeans.

"Chris!" I shriek with an exclaim. "We're not having sex without protection."

"I know." He lets out a frustrated huff. "God knows if you get pregnant you'll have that kid without telling me because you wouldn't want me to worry."

My laughter fills the room because he's so right. I get up from the couch and move to my bag, earning a baffled look from him. I roll my eyes as I pick up my hang bag and pull out a box of condoms and toss it at him.

"What?" He gapes at me.

"That's your gift." I grin at him and he pulls me into his lap again.

"You came to surprise me with condoms?" He asks in disbelief.

I bite on my lower lip, shrugging a little. "Knew you wouldn't have a pack lying around."

"Do you know how much it turns me on when you know and trust me like that?" His eyes study my face, his hand moving to my back again as he unclasps the bra.

I rub myself against him, a grin on my face. "Trust me, I know."

•••

my editing skills aren't great lmao, but I tried! I just miss this book so much and I know there's no sequel that I can base off this book so I try to write whatever I can. this is probably going to be the second and the last extra chapter. but thank you for reading! if you'd like, check out my other stories. lots of love