Caspian's pov

To my surprise, Asa accepted my invitation.

I feel bad that I was rude to him but I felt the need to protect Dion.

It was just my insecurity. It's hard coming into someone's life after he's been through so much things with other people.

I know he doesn't love them. I guess some he doesn't even remember.

But those key moments, nice or bad still stay in your head.

At least, I remember a lot.

And I'm comparing him to them. But not in a bad way.

No. It's always. Oh, he didn't do that before. Oh, he didn't call me pretty that often. Oh, he forced me to wear make up but know I don't have to.

I'm comparing because I'm happy.

Dion is just ... Ten times better than the three of them combined.

He said he doesn't compare and I wan to believe him. I do think everyone does, but he seemed confident in his answer.

Now ...to Asa.

-

"I don't know what else to say than ... I'm very sorry." I look at him.

He looks at bit tired and out of energy.

"Thank you." He takes a step and hugs me.

"Oh." It's surprise me. It's not that he's not affectionate.

Well, he's not actually.

He mostly touches me shortly or for fun.

But this hug is genuine.

"I'm so sorry I called you a ... You know, cheap.

I was just jealous cause I've never been with that many guys.

And I never will."

Asa looks at me sad. "Caspian, I'm not mad, I'm confused."

"About what?" I laugh nervously.

"Myself." 🥺

"Your-self?" I look at him. "Because you sleep around?

No. That's not, you are not the only person on the planet. "

"Wait. It's not how you think it is."

"Does it have a reason?" I tilt my head.

"Well, I think so ... but I'm confused."

"Okay. Do you think I can help you with it?

Of you tell me?"

"I would love an advice " he looks sad.

"You are scaring me."

"It's not scary. But I just don't get it.

It's .... When I have sex, I ... It doesn't feel how it's supposed to feel."

"What?"

"I've read about it.

People are excited to have sex. They see their partner sexually.

They enjoy the act and everything.

I don't ....

When I have sex, I feel the physical pleasure but my head ...it's empty.

It's just doesn't mean anything for me."

"Oh." I look at him shocked, "wow."

"With the first three girls, I just thought I'm gay.

So I slept with guys but , it wasn't it, I thought maybe I'm unlucky.

And that they are bad in bed.

I've slept with virgins. With play boys. With prostitutes.

No one is ... It just doesn't interest me okay?

No matter who I sleep with I just get bored. It's feels nice but ... It's not special."

"Oh my god, Asa. I didn't ... You could have told me that."

"I didn't know how to tell you.

And I was embarrassed.

I've read something online and I think I might be asexual." 🥺

"Asexual? Really?"

"Yes. There are many forms of asexuality.

Some like sex and some ... Just don't want it.

Some like relationships, some don't.

It's ... Complicated to explain it but I think I might be one.

I like Reggie, I think he has an amazing personality. But I don't ...see him as some sexual object.

Just person. Do you think he will hate me?

It's not that we can't have sex. It feels ...nice. but it's not something I would need "

"Asa." I hug him, "I'm so sorry.

I was so rude.

Even if you did sleep around, it would not be my business.

But I'm sad you've been through such confusing things.

If you think you are asexual, then it's okay.

I'll just educate myself on it and help you.

And ... I doubt Reggie will mind. i don't know, I don't think he has a reason."

"I just feel bad that I didn't realize sooner.

I thought it's others.

Then i thoughts it's because I'm not dating the person.

Now, I'm totally sure ...it's me. And only me.

And I think the most logical reason would be my asexuality."

"Is there anything else that could have triggered this?"

"No. I don't think so."

"Trauma? Fear? ...phobia?"

"I don't have any so I think it's this."

"Do you want to stay here and read something about it?"

"Okay " he nods. 🥺🥺🥺

-

I'm not an expert on asexuality. There are many types of it. But this is what Asa🥺 might be.

-

Definition:

How (a certain type) they might feel:

Some way to find out you are asexual: