And now, to the topic I've been dreading for days, SEX

Its been weeks since we both declared our love for each other. There has been a lot of cuddling, hand holding, lip biting, just name it. But why do I feel so pressurized by the topic

"Babe, you're all in your head. Chill out" Sarah spoke as she dipped her hand to get more chips from the bowl

I exhaled

Fuck

With Carson it was really bad, it was all about sex and I don't want this to be the same. I LOVE Ava so much I don't want to ruin anything

Maybe Ava doesn't mind at all

"Are you scared to touch her?"

The question repeated in my head. I'm clearly not. Everything just feels different

"Sarah, Ava is the most important person in my life, I don't really want to mess things up"

"Awwn, that's sweet but I'm hurt, so is your Dad"

I rolled my eyes

"I'm not scared, it's just...I feel like if we make that step then it might be all about sex"

Sarah stared at me weirdly

"Wtf does that even mean?"

I shrug

"I'm not making sense even to myself"

Friday night was...

Let's go back to Friday night at Ava's place.

"What are you listening to" I asked as I joined Ava on her bed. It was Friday, so i figured I could hang around.

She took out one side of her earpiece

"Come listen" she said coolly

I adjusted myself so we were really close. I plugged the earpiece in

She tapped on replay

"I'm a mess and I'm still broken

But I'm finding my way back

And it feels like someone's stolen

All the light I ever had

Like the world disappeared

And I'm laying right here

While the silence is piercing

And it hurts to breathe

I don't have much but at least I still have me

I still have me...."

"Who's the singer"

"Demi lovato" she whispered

"You really need to be schooled, music wise. I can't believe you couldn't tell from the voice"

She chuckled

Our faces were touching and her lips dangerously close to mine

"Well, I have interest in other things"

"Like?" She asked

My eyes went to her lips, I removed the earpiece and adjusted my position giving us a little distance but still close enough

I shrug.

"School, college, my family" I named

She rolled her eyes

"That's basically almost everyone's interest"

"Yea, maybe"

She shaked her head

"You should at least have something you love other than all that"

I love you, does that counts?

"Well sorry I'm too boring for you" I joked

She took out her earpiece, placing her phone on her night stand.

"I don't find you boring at all. In fact" she moved from her original position on the bed so that she was sitting on my lap, I placed my hands on her hip.

She pushed me down slightly, my back meeting the matrass

Okay, this is a dangerous position

She brought her face closer to mine, placing a kiss on my nose. She kissed to my ear then whispered

"..I find you interesting, very interesting" she drawed

This brought a shiver down my spine. If I was a dude I'll be having a hard on right now.

I tried to adjust our position but she pinned me down.

She moved her lips to my neck, kissing gently

FYI I'm a sucker for neck kisses

She sucked on the skin delicately. I held back the groan that was about to escape my throat.

she dug her teeth into my flesh

"Fuck, Ava" I moaned out

She chuckled

She's clearly enjoying this

She kissed on the spot then kissed up to my lips

She took my lip in-between her teeth then pulled at it before releasing it.

I groaned

If Ava continues at it I don't think I would be able to hold myself

She slowly took her thumb to my mouth, parting my lips

She placed gentle kisses on my lips before slowly sliding her tongue into my mouth.

Okay, this is heaven

Right now I had no use for my brain cause I couldn't think straight. The way she moved her lips on mine was incredible.

She moved her hand to the side of my neck caressing it gently as we kissed

I slowly guided my hands underneath her shirt caressing her bare skin

She deepened the kiss, exploring my mouth with her tongue. I let her take the lead for while before flipping us over.

I was now on top

I stared at those blue eyes I love so much.

I want to move further but for some reason I refrained myself.

She watched me still, she couldn't move cause I had half my weight on her.

It was like I was battling with my demons. But why?

I pushed myself up, giving us enough distance.

I'm so stupid

"What's wrong" Ava spoke gently from behind

I felt really stupid

I cleared my throat

"em sorry but I got to go"

She kept quiet. I couldn't even turn to face her. I stood up picking up my phone from the bed

I turned slowly avoiding her eyes. She said nothing but watched me

"So, em..I'll text you" I said before walking out

.

.

.

.

.

"Dude. I deny you as my friend" Sarah said laughing

I placed my face on my palm

We haven't spoken to each other since then. It's killing me

"I sent her a text, she hasn't replied ever since"

"Well did you call her?"

"Yeah, just once. It went to voice mail"

"Ugh gosh I'm so stupid" I scolded

This makes me feel like crying. Not literally tho

"Babe just because you chickened out doesn't..."

"Hey don't say that" I interrupted

"I didn't 'chicken out'. I was simply respecting our relationship"

Sarah face palmed herself

"Sometimes I wonder how we became friends"

I threw a bag of chips at her but she caught it sticking her tongue out

"But Aliyah seriously, I don't think she took it that bad. If anything I guess she's just mad cause you basically ran out of there" she laughed

I rolled my eyes

"Why did I call you here again"

She laughed

"Cause you love me and you stupid af" she laughed

I sighed

Gosh I miss her. I could just go over, or maybe not?

Stupid feelings

to be continued.....

Thanks again for reading guys ♥️♥️❤️

Muahhh😘