This person feels apprehensive of their parents' relationship.

Hello,

I'm sorry to hear how this is making you feel. I know this is by no means an easy situation to be in, and you are entirely justified in your emotions towards the subject. Unfortunately, there is not much you can do here. Whether or not your parents get a divorce is between them, and your opinions on the matter ultimately don't make much of a difference if your parents want to try and work things out even if their individual motives are different. My advice here is to talk with your mother since she is the parental unit you have the most trust in (and because your father is the main source of your struggle), and let her in on what you're feeling. Give her the opportunity to understand where you are, and maybe she will explain to you her perspective as well. Communication is extremely important. Bottling up your feelings will never help you. It will serve to make things harder for you in the future. Now, keep in mind, as important as communication is, it is equally important when talking with someone to listen to what they have to say as well. When your mother tells you where she stands on the issue, you may or may not understand why she thinks the way she does or feels the way she does, but that doesn't matter. The respect and understanding you want to receive from others no matter how hard it may be. It will serve you well in life.

As for your dad, I won't tell you to act like nothing has changed because it has and it's unfair and unhealthy to pretend otherwise. You don't have to act like everything is just fine with the two of you because it's not, but that doesn't mean you should be ugly towards him. That's not going to get you anywhere you want to be. Normally, I'd suggest talking with him as well, but due to the nature of the situation, I can't imagine that would end well for either of you. Your ill feelings towards him are far too strong to make way for reason if the conversation drifts sideways, and he doesn't seem to be the type of person who responds well to negativity towards himself. I think that would end up as a big fight that no one walks away from unscathed. For now, try to be civil. You don't have to be happy, but you should try your best not to be overtly rude. Chances are, that won't go over well with him. Be civil, diplomatic even, until you feel like you're in a place when you can sit down and have a decent conversation about your feelings towards him. I do believe you should try talking with your dad, but at a time when you're emotionally ready to do so.

I hope this helps, darling. I wish you all the best, and you are always welcome back for more advice.

Stay strong,

The Advice Column Team