This person is feeling depressed for a while.

Hey!

I am very sorry to hear about your situation. I understand that it must be so hard on you but you’ve been so brave till now to stand through all of it, even if you’re losing hope.

First and foremost, you should be getting a diagnosis from a therapist. If you’re an adult, you can get this alone without having to inform your parents. If you are a minor, this step may be a little bit trickier but confiding in a trusted adult may make it a little bit easier for you. In the meantime, there are lots of resources online we can direct you to to help find you support.

Depression is a demon that makes you think that you’re utterly alone, almost like the whole world is out to get you. This is nothing of your own doing nor something that anyone deserves. Sometimes the chemicals in your brain get imbalanced, and therefore cause irrational thoughts. Whatever your brain causes you to think negatively about yourself, think again. Would someone you love or a significant other also think that about you?

Please don’t pay attention to anyone calling you an attention seeker; oftentimes when people don’t want to understand or try to understand something, they point fingers. You’re not an attention-seeker; you are a support-seeker which is vastly different in nature. Needing support does not make you inherently weak—it just makes you human. Everyone has something they need support for. For you, it may be your mental health. For others, it may be their physical health. Just because a problem isn’t visible to all does not detract how serious it is.

Loving yourself and your body should be your priority right now. Don’t scold yourself over every little mistake you make, even if your parents scold you for it. You are supposed to be the main character of your story and the main character never gives up and lives a nice life after going through hardships. It will be hard but accept and change yourself a little bit, learn to love yourself and no one’s hate can ever shatter your confidence after that.

As for self harm and suicidal thoughts, treat your body like a stranger’s. Treat it and care for it like you would with a friend. You are nice to your friends, so be nice to your body. Or like it was gifted to you by someone for a small time and they’ll have to take it back, so you have to treat it nicely and take care of it properly. It’ll be hard and slow, you’ll get urges and think of it again and again for years to come but you’ll be alright. You won’t harm because you can’t harm your friend. You can’t harm a safe-keeping gift. Distract yourself by talking to a friend, eating food, watching your favorite show when the urges come. Make yourself happy and make your body happy. If this fails, you can trick yourself into believing that you are self-harming, but in a safe manner. For example, holding a cube of ice to the place you harm yourself for an extended period of time, or snapping a rubber band against your wrist repeatedly.

I can’t say anything against your parents and I know that they too love you in their own harsh manner by being strict with you. But love yourself first, make your happiness and mental health the priority. Rather than making others happy, make yourself happy.

Thank you for being brave and we are rooting for you.

The Advice Column Team