This person is being shunned for speaking up against their abuser.

Hey!

Being familiar with your previous situation, I am so, so proud of you to say such things so bravely. It must've taken so much courage and I am genuinely so proud you did that. You spoke out about a harasser and now that harasser's parents should focus on getting him on the straight path of not being disgusting.

Now as for people who say "think about your future" or "you might've seduced him" or "he is sorry," you should start speaking up against them just like you were brave when you spoke out about the harassment. No one, and I mean no one, can understand what you went through and how you felt when he touched you, so they have no right to judge or talk about that situation because only you and that disgusting person were involved. Your future and your reputation and your honor and modesty won't be ruined because of someone else touching you. That person ruined his own honor and future and reputation. It was his future that should be lost, not yours. Threaten such people back, tell them you'll ruin his marriage prospects, his reputation in the town, tell all his neighbors, all his friends, his educational prospects. Harassment once could be taken as a mistake but it's still harassment. Calling it a mistake doesn't change the fact that it was wrong and gross. Moreover, he did it not just once, so it can't even be called a mistake.

I will say this again and again until it convinces you that it was not your fault. It is not your fault he harassed you. It is not your fault you spoke up about it. It is not your fault your parents can't handle the fact that their daughter should speak up.

Your parents actually have no right to act distressed and not be by your side. If they are distressed by the fact that you got harassed, they should stay by your side and make sure you feel safe. However, they might be distressed that you spoke up, and made them lose some face in front of relatives. That, I am sorry to say, is disgusting on their part. No one else should try and act as if they know what you've gone through. Your family shouldn't be drinking or crying or distancing themselves from you; they should be staying by your side, making you feel safe, teaching you that if something like this occurs again, you should say it again immediately. I am very sorry your family can't understand that they're not the ones going through the pain but you are. That's a very disappointing reaction on their part.

However, I will repeat this again: you are not a shame, you did not lose your future, you did not lose your modesty or your face, you lost nothing. You gained courage by speaking up, you earned and helped other girls that could've been harassed by that disgusting person. You helped people understand who is the harasser. If other people, including your family, think you've done something wrong, then they are wrong themselves.

I don't understand how they expect you to have been quiet about this situation. If you were quiet and someone witnessed this, they could've even misunderstood that you let the other person harass you. And I am glad such a situation did not occur. Your current situation is hard only because other people can't understand why you spoke up. Make sure to think twice and thrice about if you regret your actions. Do you regret speaking up? I don't think you should because otherwise the situation of harassment could've worsened. There is no sexual harasser that thinks "Oh, I should stop now because I've already done it 3 times." No one thinks that way. 1 time leads to 3 times, 3 times means 5 times. 5 times could lead to rape, or worse, sexual assault. If you would've kept quiet, he would've thought that you're giving him the way to touch your body. You spoke up and stopped that. You spoke up and stopped him from harassing you and others in future perhaps.

I am genuinely so happy you've spoken up. Please do not think that you do not deserve to live or speak up. Your experiences and pain has nothing to do with the words other people speak. They're close-minded and only think about their own reputation. They don't care about your pain, so that instantly dismisses their opinions on your experience. Do not back out and think you were wrong. Erase those thoughts, you were right in speaking up. I am highly impressed by your bravery. Please continue being brave and don't let such situations happen. You deserve to feel safe in this world.

Thank you,

The Advice Column Team