Advice Request:

This person wants to make a boy leave her alone.

Answered Submission:

Hello,

This is certainly a frustrating situation to be in. Boys who just won't get the hint can be incredibly annoying, especially when you are trying to retain the friendship you already had with them. Now, given that you've verbally declined his feelings, as well as tried more covert methods to send him the message and he is still pursuing you romantically, you don't have very many options left. Here's a few things to do in that case:

1) You may have to be blunt and straightforward. Again. This time, be a little more "harsh" perhaps. Sometimes, people just don't want to give up because they think they still have a chance. In cases like that, you have to make yourself very clear in that you don't like them the same way, you don't want to date them, and you want them to stop pursuing you. This is my strongest suggestion. Maybe next time you spend some time with him at college or waiting at your bus stop, you can talk to him about how you're feeling, and how uncomfortable he's been making you feel. Tell him explicitly what you want and don't want from him and make it clear that you are not playing this game of 'playing hard to get'. While I suggest speaking in person, it may be more comfortable for you to have some distance. Speaking over the phone or by text message are also viable options. I think it is very important that you make yourself heard by him, and how he responds will be a big tell in how you should respond later on (i.e. whether you want to stay friends or cut him off entirely). Remember: Be Blunt! There is no sense in beating around the bush.

2) Friendship might not be an option anymore. If he won't leave you alone and doesn't want to respect your boundaries (your boundary here being that you don't like him romantically and want him to stop flirting with you) then you might have to look into whether or not he actually wants to be your friend, or if he's only interested in you romantically. If he doesn't view you as a friend, and only as a love interest, then telling him you want to stay friends might not make him leave you be because to him, "friends" is an opening to potential romance if he tries hard enough. By not pushing him away as he sees it, you're still giving him a chance. That is, in fact, not your intention and not at all what you're trying to do, but that may be how he sees it. Now, I could be wrong in that. Obviously, I don't know him nor have I seen how he behaves with my own eyes, but I find it is beneficial to look through as many sides to the situation as possible, and, while I do think this is a good thing to consider and think about, if you really want to stay friends with him, I'd suggest going through option (1) first, and then analyzing how you want to respond.

3) Cut him off. If it comes down to it, and he won't respect your feelings and boundaries, then you might have to cut ties, and just avoid him on campus. I can see how this is not exactly the most desirable outcome, but you need to look out for yourself. If he won't respect your boundaries and continues to blatantly ignore your feelings on the matter, then he may not be a person you want to hang around with and cutting him off would be the best option here. Now, this is a last resort response. I suggest you try option (1) and hopefully he understands your boundaries before doing option (3), unless he becomes inappropriate or makes you feel extremely uncomfortable. In that case, block his number, avoid him to the best of your abilities, and try to have a friend around you in case he tries to talk to you. Again, this is a last resort, especially if you want to remain friends. I hope this helps, love. We wish you the best of luck! Feel free to come back for more advice at any time.

Stay strong,

The Advice Column Team