Advice Request

This person's parents are divorced. They keep fighting over their child because each one wants to spend time with them.

Answered Submission

Hi there, love.

My sympathies go out to you.

It is difficult to have divorced parents for sure, especially when they are still in conflict even after separating. This is very unfortunate, but our team hopes all of your problems are solved eventually!

Both of your parents have a right to spend time with you, so I recommend that you give them equal attention. This may lessen their quarreling over you. I also suggest you spend time with each other equally enough! You should have a say on all of this as much as they do, so tell them that, from now on, you will choose who to spend time with. To not scare them, let them know that both of them will get equal time. For example, on average, there are thirty days in a month. You can divide that in half. Spend fifteen days with your mom, and the other fifteen with your father. Choose which days (the date in the given month) will be appropriate to spend with your mom and which days will be appropriate to spend with your days. Take this for instance: You can spend the 11th of May with one of them and the 20th of May with the other one. There's an auto show on the 20th that your father wants you to attend with him. Designate the 20th for your dad, and hang out with your mom on the 11th.

It's also key to plan ahead and give a heads-up! If, for example, next Saturday is designated for your mom, let your dad know that so he won't plan anything for the two of you that day. This should solve any arguing.

You don't have to follow scheduled days and plans on the dot, but just make sure to let your parents know that a schedule—and respect for that schedule—will solve all of your problems at the moment.

Sincerely,

The Advice Column team