《The Advice Column V》803

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This person has feelings for their friend but this friend ignores the topic.

Hello,

This is certainly a hard situation to navigate for anyone. Crushing on your friend is a painfully common occurrence, and not nearly as cutesy and romantic as they make it seem in the movies. At least you can take comfort in knowing you are not alone in this, as it has happened and will happen to many people all over the world.

Given that you have been thinking about the beach situation and your continuing feelings for her for several months now, I think it would be fair to say that you're not going to just stop thinking about it one day. You are in a whirlwind of emotions, positive and negative, because of that trip, and it has made an impact on your day-to-day life. That's not the sort of thing that just goes away, and so I feel it would be improper to advise you to just leave it be. There is no point in waiting it out and hoping the feelings will go away on their own or that you will stop thinking about it. Now, obviously she's important to you, and you don't want to risk your friendship, but in this situation, there is more to think about than just that. You see, just as she has every right to not talk about what happened between you, you have every right to express your own feelings about it. In fact, I think you need to, or else eventually that whirlwind of emotions could eventually ferment into resentment at her refusal to acknowledge what happened. You need to talk about what you're feeling or else you're going to combust. It's not healthy to hold everything in and handle it all on your own. Now, that's not to say you should ambush her and dump it all on her. I suggest you ask to speak to her privately some time, maybe even on the phone if that would the both of you more comfortable, and I suggest you tell her how you feel and what you took from the beach trip. Be sure to express as well that she is in no way obligated to reciprocate your feelings, and your friendship is not over just because you like her romantically as well as platonically. I would also say that you would like to talk about the beach trip with her, because it is something that does need to be acknowledged and discussed, but pay mind to her boundaries. If she doesn't want to talk about it you can't force her to, but you can ask that she listen to your side of it.

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Ultimately, your friendship hasn't been the same since that beach trip. It was integrally changed when your behavior towards each other changed, and it can't just "go back to normal" after such a distinct and fundamental change. That's not to say that you can't remain friends. You are still friends, but you two do have some things that you need to talk about. She can't ignore it forever, and you shouldn't be expected to forever hold your peace when it is affecting you the way it has been for so long. So talk to her. Ask her to listen if she doesn't want to speak, but you need to take care of yourself as well.

I hope this helps, love. Write back if you ever need more advice!

Stay strong,

The Advice Column Team

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