The sky wasn't very dark tonight. The little clouds from the sunny day remained in the sky, while the moon and stars provided enough light to see without a light on. I went and sat down at Jake's desk, taking out my leather notebook and a pen. I started to write, everything I felt was bleeding onto the paper. Any confusions I had were numbed by the ink and for just a few minutes I felt better. I heard a noise in the hallways. I read the clock saying it was 1:30, it was probably just Josh I thought. That boy was a night owl by definition. The door to Jake's room clicked open, I sat silently waiting for who it was. "Mags, you asleep?" Jake's voice said lightly. He stuck his head into the room, jumping when he saw me sitting at the desk looking at him. "I thought you might be in bed, sorry if I scared you. I just need to get some clothes."

"No problemo, go for it." I whispered back. He closed the door trying not to wake anyone up. He walked over to his dresser, pulling out clothes for the next day. He walked back over to me and sat on the edge of the bed.

"Why're you awake?" He asked

"Oh, my boyfriend was just here, so ya know, just recovering from all our love making." I said, thinking it would sound funny, but out loud it was the cringiest thing I'd ever said.

"Why're you so weird?" He chuckled. "What are you writing?" Jake said, looking onto the paper.

"It's nothing." I said, shutting it quickly.

"Come on, you have to tell me! I saw my name, therefore you have to tell me."

"No, I don't therefore no, I don't." I said to Jake, knowing that if he read it, he wouldn't want to see me again or at least talk to me again. He put his head down, knowing he had been too nosy. "Sorry, I- it- it's just too personal to share right now." He nodded understandingly.

"So, I was thinking about the next couple of years. Maybe we should talk about where we want to go, what we want to do?" I would've loved talking about this, but something about the night made me believe we were never going to go anywhere together.

"Jake, you know how much I love you, but I think right now you should be planning to spend your time with your girlfriend. You should go on this adventure with her. I don't mean that I wouldn't love to go with you, but I also don't know if planning this voyage is appropriate." I couldn't make eye contact with him, I didn't want to say that. Why did I say that? That was all I dreamed about.

"So, it's because of Hannah? So what, she's my girlfriend. Sometimes you just have to follow your heart." On the contrary to what I did, Jake didn't remove his eyes from mine. I moved to sit on the bed, up against the pillows and Jake moved so he was sitting next to me.

"Why would you want to go with me? Wouldn't it be more fun to go with someone you're romantic with? So you can, ya know." I don't know why, but every time I got awkward, I started speaking like a little kid who just learned what sex was and thinks it's a bad thing. "I'm just a sister type, I'd be on your back annoying you." Jake flinched at that sentence, but recovered quickly. Why had be flinched?

"I think I can handle you Mags, I've been doing it for years."

"What will you do while I'm still in high school? You can't just sit around this town for two years waiting for me to graduate."

"There are other things in the world, you know? I might get anxious, but it'll be worth it. I can take classes, maybe play more music, the point is I can occupy that time. You just have to tell your parents." The one thing I dreaded the most about the whole idea was telling my parents, knowing how disappointed they would be in me. I nodded my head that was hung. "You'll be okay, if they know I'm with you, I'm sure you'll be okay." He lifted my chin, making me look at him. All the things I had been trying to avoid in that moment, were coming back at me. The things I had questioned in my journal, I wasn't questioning anymore. All of a sudden, I didn't see Jake like my brother, but someone that I liked, or maybe loved? His eyes scanned my face for emotions, switching from my eyes to my lips every couple of seconds. I was lost in his deep browns, the silence surrounding us was haunting. Our faces were only a few centimeters apart, I could feel his warm breath against my cheeks and on my lips. I wanted him to kiss me badly, but then I started to think about Hannah. I shouldn't be thinking these things.

I move my head away from Jake's, a look of disappointments spreads on his face, but he still looks eager. I laid down patting the side of the bed, so I could fall asleep next to him like I did the night before. "We'll talk tomorrow, okay?" I asked.

"Mmmkay." He said his eyes closing. I laid my head back on his shoulder like the previous evening, comforted by his warm skin.

"Love you.." I said, not really thinking anything of it. I closed my eyes and before I could fall into a deep slumber I heard Jake mumble "I love you too."