The music was getting louder and louder. I was feeling guiltier by the second. Cole knew something was up because we were losing at ruit (we never lose at ruit). I kept catching Jake's eye as he walked across the room or when he was talking to someone else or even when he was sitting on the couch. I loved Cole, I really did, but Jake was like a drug. I wanted his skin on mine forever and withdrawals from him hurt like a bitch. "Hey, not that it really matters, but some of the guys were talking about these people having sex in the butler's pantry and the guy came all over Will's books. Isn't that gross?" My body and mind froze for a second. That was us, we had ruined Will's books and I felt bad.

"Wow, you'd think people would have a little more respect. I guess being drunk is being drunk though." I said trying to play everything off as cool. He seemed to buy it, but I couldn't help feeling worse lying to him.

"You wanna go back to the dorm?" He asked. I couldn't bare doing anything sexy tonight.

"Yeah, but I don't feel so well babe. I don't think tonight's gonna be a sex night okay?" I asked and he nodded, completely understanding. He yawned as we stood to leave. Walking over to the guys, I said goodbye to all the new people I had met and then went over to my so called 'old' friends. "Hey guys, I just wanted to let you know that Cole and I are gonna head out. It's been great seeing you and all!" I got hugs from everyone, the one with Jake tighter than the rest. I had a boyfriend, he had a girlfriend.

"Hey, well we're home for a while. Thanksgiving and all. So we'll probably see eachother on turkey day right?" Sammy asked.

"Yeah, of course. It's tradition." I said happily, before meeting back with Cole to leave. We walked back to the dorm room. It was far too quiet a walk. I hadn't had that much to drink, Cole hadn't either. I'd had sex with Jake, Cole hadn't had sex with me yet. I took off my outfit slowly, thinking with every movement I made. Taking off everything except my underwear, I slipped my big UMich sweatshirt on and nuzzled in to bed waiting for Cole to emerge from the hallway after going to the bathroom.

I pulled out my phone to check for messages. One from mom telling me she hopes I have

fun, but not too much fun. One from Jamie saying he didn't know I was visiting UMich and that it was shitty to not go to your own brothers frat. The last one was from a number I didn't have in my contacts, but looked all too familiar. "You okay?" It read.

"Yeah... who is this?" I responded quickly.

"Who do you think it is?"

"Peter? Paul? Mary?" I said sarcastically.

"Funny. How about you try 'Jake' for size? I know you like Blowin' in the Wind, but what about me?" Part of me wanted the person to be Jake, but part of me was screaming for it not to be him.

"Hmmm... I don't know if I can believe you. I'll just have to see this Jake when I'm home and confirm! Bye now ;)" I texted him, ending the conversation. I regretted sending the winky face instantly, that so wasn't my style.

"You good babe?" Cole said walking into the room, wearing nothing but his flannel pajama pants.

"Yeah, I'm just fine. Aren't you gonna be cold?" I said once he was snuggled up next to me, his skin on mine.

"No, I've got you to keep me warm." He said like a little princess.

"Goodnight little one!" I said happily, but quietly as I closed my eyes.

"Night, love you." He said back.

"Love you too." It hurt to say that, probably because I wasn't sure if I really did love him or if I loved only him. It felt wrong to say it, but he didn't deserve to question why I didn't say it back.

Soon, his breathing was slow and the snoring began. I was okay with it for a while, falling fast asleep. When I woke up, the sky was still pitch black. It was only 3 in the morning. I looked over at Cole sleeping, he looked like a little angel. Slowly I slid out of the covers, put on a pair of his pajama bottoms, and his socks and slippers that were way too big for me. I reached into my bag, pulling out my American Spirits and my lighter, grabbed my phone, and decided to go outside for a bit.

The hallways were lit up with fluorescent lights. Only a few kids wandered the halls in search of their rooms during this drunken night. I made my way to the elevator, pressing the 1st floor button. It moved slowly, but soon I was in the lobby type area. Stepping out into the cold Michigan evening, snow was coming down once more. I immediately regretted not wearing a hat. I pulled a cigarette out of the pack and lit it. Taking a slow drag I looked at the practically empty street. I thought about everything I had done that even: both the cheating and the lying. "Jake, Jake, Jake.." I whispered, taking another drag. Flurries floated down out of the sky creating a perfect winter wonderland scene, even though it was only November. I sighed loudly. "Hey Mags, what're you doing here?" I heard someone say from far away, laughing followed the voice. It was Kenz. I smiled at the group of familiar faces.

"It's Cole's dorm." I said, Cole's name suddenly seemed like a shocking curse word. "You guys are still out?" I laughed, knowing how late it was.

"We were just getting ready to crash." Danny said, insinuating that this is the same dorm Kenz lives in.

"You're all staying in one room." I asked. They nodded to me.

"Want us to wait for you, we can go up together?" Sammy asked, smiling at me warmly. I shook my head.

"No, no, you guys go up to bed. I was just having a ciggy or two." I said.

"Alright, well goodnight then." He said.

"You guys go up, I think I might stay out for a cigarette as well." Jake said, pushing his hands through his hair that was covered in little specks of snow.