"How far do you wanna go?" Van smiled slowly, his hands still around me. The way his hair spread out underneath him, his eyes bright and his breath slow, left me wanting to capture the image and keep it locked away in my mind forever.

"I wanna go far, don't you?" I eased back on him but he kept me held in place.

"I do, I really do. That you want to do this, with me, it's massive. So incredibly massive I can't even wrap my mind around it. That you are letting me be with you, granting me"-

"You're getting really mushy you know." I laughed, pressing my fingers gently against his face.

He laughed easily. "Thank you. I love being mushy. I"-

The phone rang and Van closed his eyes, letting out a small groan.

"Just a minute." I moved off of him and strode towards the phone.

"Hello?"

"Hi Lucy, what's wrong?"

"Just checking that you were coming in today? Your shift did start fifteen minutes ago."

I looked at the time on the microwave. There was no way. But it said so in bright red numbers. "Wow, I'm sorry I completely lost track of time."

"Well if you could just get here as soon as possible, we don't have anyone up front and I just have to keep strolling over to check that there's no one waiting out at the desk. You know how impatient people are."

I groaned inwardly. "Yeah, I understand. I will be there as soon as I can."

I hung up and walked to the living room where Van was sitting up on the couch. "What's happening love?"

"I have to go to work. Like now."

"I will never understand why you keep working there if you hate it so much."

"Because what's going to pay my bills for me?" I smiled teasingly.

"I just reckon you should find a post somewhere you'd actually enjoy." He crossed his arms and stood up, moving towards me. "Can I grab my jacket from your room? I should go."

"Van, about what was happening..."

His smile came on full wattage. I would never deal with it. "Don't think I'm letting you off that easy. Call me when you want to, just let me know." He walked behind me to my room and grabbed his jacket from the tangle of sheets, suddenly surprising me when he turned to me and pressed his lips against mine, cupping both his hands around my face. I responded quickly, wrapping my arms around his neck. He broke apart, giving me small pressed kisses before letting his hands drop and turning towards the door. "I'll let myself out. Call me."

;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

Van:

"And I'm a modern time bomb" I grabbed my phone from my jacket pocket, stopping my low singing to call Bondy Bonds.

"Oy."

"Mate, do me a solid and come pick me up."

"Can't your girl drop ya?"

"She's working Bondy, I can't bother her with dumping me off."

"I'll be right...where are you?"

"The corner of Maine and Broadway. There's a giant streetlight in front of this place. Can't miss it."

;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

"Van boy, you look like you just won the lottery."

"Just about."

"It's cause of Carrrmen." Benji drew out her name, turning to look at me from the passenger seat. "Surprised she didn't kick you out for disorderly acting. Pulled quite a show last night mate."

"Not my babe."

"Not my babe!" They all mimicked me.

I rolled my eyes, crossing my legs, "You buggers will know how it's like when you meet a girl. Well Bob already knows."

"I know, but I don't think you know it Van. You love being in love. Don't even notice there's anything bad until you fallout." Bob shook his head glumly across from me, pushing his glasses up.

"Bob quit being so glum. Angie and you will patch things over in no time. Quit raining on Van's parade."

Not even Bob could kill this for me. I leaned against the window as Bondy braked to a stop abruptly. "You're an animal at driving Bond, don't know why we still let ya take the wheel." My thoughts drifted to what happened, waking up in Carmen's bed, seeing her face in the morning. What happened on her couch. What could've happened.

"Van!"

"Yeah?"

"I said, Larry called to say that his flight for next week is set. He's coming over for a visit!"

"No way, that's class!" My best mate, keeping me in check but always bringing me up when I needed it. I couldn't wait to have him meet Carmen.

"And there's a message for us from Communion, must've come in last night. Felt wrong to listen to it without you."

My palms got damp just hearing that. Too many times we'd gotten nos from just about any record label back in the UK. Communion had sprung up and hopefully they thought us good.

;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

"Should we have a drink then? Before I play this thing."

"Van, didn't you learn from yesterday?" Bob leaned over the counter, raising his eyebrows at me. I looked down at the red light blinking on and off the telephone.

"I hope it's something good. I reckon we can't keep mooching off what we make from gigs to pay this place. Won't be long before I'm pawning off the good silver." Bondy leaned back on the stool.

"Yeah and it won't be long before we have to pickpocket." Benji spoke up.

"Not again." Bondy shook his head, raising his hands up in mock distress.

"Let's just play this thing already. I can't keep listening to you two."

The beep and then a cheery voice. "Hello. I'm Alicia Ashbury down from A&R for Communion Records. Just calling because we'd love to work with you guys and see what great things you can do. Love the sounds you guys sent, so give me a ring back and we'll talk alright? Cheers."

I felt my mouth dry up. My stomach felt like it had been punched. In the best way possible. Ever.

"Ay!" I was swallowed up by the guys in some massive group hug. My face hurt and I realized I was smiling the widest grin I'd ever smiled in my lifetime probably. "We're in! We're in!"

"We're gonna be famous mates! As big as Oasis, The Strokes, everyone!" Benji broke apart from us, looking at his hands like he'd just discovered them for the first time.

"I think Van is about to right well go into a coma."

"I-I knew we were gonna make it. It just took the right people to see it."

"I better phone my mum." Bondy started walking towards the phone.

"Don't erase the message." I warned him.

"Think if I do the deal is off?"

"Better safe than sorry."

;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

Carmen:

When's the next concert?

Someone's eager.

Benji's cute. Wish I would've met him sooner :/

I'm not sure, I'll let you know ;)

So how was that VIP treatment with Van?

Lovely, gotta go, talk to you laterz

I straightened up at my desk, checking the clock. Fifteen minutes left and then I'd be free. My phone vibrated again, and I figured it was another cheeky text from Katherine.

Van: Sugar I want you more than ever

:)

What does that mean?

It means whatever you want it to mean

Let me steal you later, me and the lads are gonna go grab some dinner.

When?

How bout tonight?

I get off in fifteen

Pick you up?

Sure

Even though I'd seen Van just a couple of hours ago, I was glad for another chance to see him again. I had completely lost my head with this boy.

;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

I was just leaving the office when a honk made me jump. I turned around, seeing Van smiling and leaning over the steering wheel.

"You scared me." I said as I slid into the passenger seat and dropped my bag at my feet.

"That'll show you." He laughed, cupping a hand around my face and bringing me to him. I was left out of breath by his kiss. It was hungrier than usual. I let myself fall against the seat, giddy.

"I'm freeee." I rested my hands against the back of the seat, breathing deeply.

"You're very happy."

"Leaving work does that to me."

Van pulled into the front of the hotel he and the guys had been staying in. I'd only seen it twice, it was very old school Hollywood looking. I'd never been inside though, Van always crashed at my place. He opened the door for me, guiding me towards the door with a hand on my back.

The boys were all gathered around in the small living room of their suite. They were watching some soccer game, shouting at the television.

"Hey Carmen." Bob called out, the other two joining in.

"Hey guys."

"Babe let me give you a formal tour of the place." Van shut the door, grabbing my hand. "This is the kitchen, the dining room, and the living room, where you will see the apes in their natural habitat."

"Ay."

He blew a kiss at Bondy. "I kid Bonds. You know I love you. You guys are the milk to my cereal."

"Take him away Carmen before he gets mushy again."

"He does that with you guys too?"

"Ohhhh. Take him apart Carmen." Benji laughed, kicking his feet up the coffee table.

"Anyways. Come on then, let's finish the tour." He casually led me through one of two doors, closing it after him. "Here's the sleeping quarters. Bathroom. And here is my favorite part." He walked to what I thought was a giant window, pushing the curtains back. I saw him reach and pull it back, and I realized it was a sliding door. "The balcony gives the most incredible view of the city. It's massive." He stepped out, waiting for me.

I followed him, stepping out into the cool air and seeing the view ahead of the lit up city. "It's amazing." I grasped the railing, feeling the breeze.

Van's hand slowly wrapped around mine. "Isn't it?" I looked at him, he was so close, his arm touching mine. His other hand reached for my face, bringing my mouth to his. His hair as touching my face and his hands were warm on my face, his mouth working against mine. I gripped his shirt, bringing him against me while the breeze nipped at my face.

We broke apart, our breaths equally as heavy. "Do you wanna go inside?" He said, his voice low.

"Yeah." I grabbed his hand, leading him inside. The door was shut and we could hear the boys still shouting about some missed ball or whatever. Van locked the door and I sat on one of the two beds. My heartbeat was going fast, the inside of my mouth dry. Van sat next to me and I turned to face him, initiating the kiss myself. It was just like it had been in the afternoon, my mind lost and my whole self on fire, feeling Van's hands on my skin. His mouth was leaving slow kisses on my neck when a knock on the door made us jump.

"Van, we're going out for some cigarettes, you want anything?"Bob called out from outside.

He looked at me, his hair pushed off his face and his mouth red. He smiled, raising his voice. "No I'm good. Take as long as you lads need."

The front door shut in no time, and Van resumed making me go mad. His hands curled underneath my shirt, making my legs tremble a little. My skin quaked wherever his mouth grazed, my stomach twisting into itself as he whispered in my ear.

"I'm doing anything you want." He whispered in my ear.

"I want to do everything." I whispered back, daringly brushing my hands underneath his shirt and stopping at his jeans' button.

"You're driving me mad sugar." He said raggedly. "You know that don't you? Since the first time I saw you at the bar, I knew I needed you. I need you so fucking bad it's driving me mad."

His urgent tone was making my heart jump and my legs clench. The room was sweltering hot now, and I felt like I needed to be relieved in any way possible now. "Do it Van. Do it please."

"Do what?" He asked, his lips moving to my ear and leaving shivers running down my entire body.

"Do everything."

I lost track of time. It could've been minutes, hours, or years. I lost my entire mind, driven by desire and the infatuation I'd held for Van since I'd met him.

"I think you turn me into some sort of animal." I said later, wrapping the sheets around me. Van was lighting a cigarette, his chest pale with the sheet covering his lower half.

"Well we're a bunch of mammals. So let's do it like they do it on the discovery channel." I shoved him, rolling my eyes. "I'm just sayin. I'll be an animal for you anytime you want sugar." He kissed my nose affectionately, burying his hand in my hair as his lips moved against mine. I breathed deeply, falling into him until the slam of the front door made me jolt.

"Always at the worst time." Van mumbled, standing up. He let the sheet drop, but I didn't see anything. Not that that really mattered anymore, considering I'd seen everything now. He grabbed his jeans, moving into them. Sliding his shirt on, he moved to the door. "I'll distract them to give you some time to get ready. Although if it were up to me, I wouldn't mind you like that." He moved to the door, then doubled back to me, kissing me roughly. "I just can't get enough of you darling. I'll be outside." He finally dragged himself to the door, opening it slightly and slipping out.

I got up and changed quickly, trying to push my hair back in an attempt to not have it look so frazzled. I stepped inside the bathroom, stepping over a disheveled pile of towels to get a better look at myself through the mirror. I heard the boys talking outside, quite clearly actually. These walls really were paper thin.

"So you and Carmen good?"

"Yeah mate, she's great. Massive really, never thought I'd meet a girl in the States that I would feel so... drawn to." I smiled, hadn't the guys realized how much the conversation could be overheard from the bathroom?

"Did you tell her the good news yet?"

I wasn't even trying to listen in. It was like they were in the bathroom with me. What good news?

"I mean, I am going to. But I'm holding out. How am I going to explain that I'm going back to London, for God knows how long?"

I felt my throat close up, looking dumbly at the mirror. He was leaving? For an indefinite amount of time?

I stumbled out of the bathroom, not bothering to hear any more of the conversation now. My mind was whirring. He hadn't told me. We'd had sex. What if he thought that he couldn't tell me until after I'd given in, just to make sure I did?

I felt sick, my heart thudding as I picked my bag up from the floor and reached for the knob, not caring about how I looked.

They were all gathered around the counter in the kitchen, and Van saw me first. He smiled hugely at me. "Love I was just"-

"I have to go." I said abruptly. I moved to the door.

"Carmen, what"- I threw the door open, feeling my eyes water. My vision wavered, but I hurried to the elevator. "Carmen, wait, baby what's wrong?"

"Why didn't you tell me about London?" I turned to Van. He looked momentarily surprised, his words stumbling out.

"I-I was going to tell you when the time was right, when I"-

"You mean after I slept with you right? To tell me you were going to leave and you weren't sure when you were coming back?"

"It's not like that. I was just"- I stepped inside the elevator; he followed. "Carmen, listen to me. I just wanted it to be a better time than"-

"Why not tell me when we were sitting on your bed? When you were helping me take my clothes off?" My voice cracked. I slammed the button to the lobby, staring ahead.

"Baby, I"-

The doors parted and I stepped out. I was vivid, but mostly I was heartbroken. At the thought of Van leaving, and not knowing when he was coming back. At the thought that I'd gotten so attached to him when he wasn't guaranteed to stay.

"Van I don't want to talk to you now."

"Well how am I supposed to explain then?"

"Fine then, explain." I stopped at the door to the hotel. I didn't have a way back home. Why oh why did I agree on having Van pick me up when I'd taken my car to work? I hadn't even bothered to think if it was safe to leave it in the parking lot at the office, what f it got towed? When you had a crush, there was no room in your mind for reasonable thoughts. I was learning that now.

"I didn't want to tell you because I knew you weren't going to take it well. I was waiting to tell you until I'd proven just how important you were to me. So you didn't think I'd just dump you when I left."

"Sounds like you were just waiting until after you slept with me." I said tiredly. My eyes were suddenly too hot and my limbs felt heavy. "I'm just gonna go home."

"Don't hate me for this." His hand grasped my shoulder. His breath was hot on my skin, and I felt jolts just thinking about what had conspired a while ago. But now wasn't the time anymore. "Carmen, please. Love, I'm not trying to hurt you. I just wanted to make you feel how much I fancy you."

"If you fancied me you wouldn't have lied."

"Come on. How are you leaving? I picked you up."

"I'll walk." I said stubbornly.

"It's ten pm. You are not walking."

"I'll call a cab to take me back to work so I can pick up my car."

"Let me take you."

"No."

"Carmen."

"Van."

"Now you're just trying to mess with me aren't you?" He sighed.

I felt like a scolded child. And that made me want to act out even more. I pulled the door open, stepping outside. It had gotten a bit colder than before. Or maybe I'd just gotten used to the heat upstairs. A pair of hands grabbed me and I was pushed into a warm body, said hands holding me down. Van had me locked in a hug that felt like a chokehold. My nose was pressed against his shoulder and his hands were clutching me. I got teary because I liked him so much it was scary. I tried to not give in to the feeling but I did anyways.

"Shh, I'm only leaving for a bit love. Don't even know when. I'll call, I'll write, I'll do anythin. Don't hate me cause I really do like you." He spoke so softly and tenderly it chipped at my resolve to be mad.

"Take me to my work so I can get my car please." I said quietly, still being engulfed in him.

He did, and I halfheartedly let him kiss my cheek, sliding out of the van and wandering dazedly to my car.

;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

The lights were off in the apartment, it was nearly midnight anyway. I stepped into my room, where the bed was still unmade from when Van slept over barely the night before. Everything felt like it'd been from lifetimes ago.

I crumbled on the bed, shuddering involuntarily as a small sob escaped my mouth.

A small ping sounded from my bag.

Van: I'm sorry you're mad. Just wanted to be with you well without any issues or worries. I'll bug you tomorrow and the next day until you talk to me. Goodnight and sweet dreams XXX