Good morning XX

Still not talking?

I struggled last night, when you were gone.

How do you feel?

How do you feel about us?

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Van:

"It's fine. We're fine."

"Always in denial Van."

"No offense lad, but shut up."

Bondy looked at me over his cigarette. "She left might well in tears mate. Does that look fine to you?"

"It was just a misunderstanding."

"Maybe that's what you think on your end. But she feels tricked."

"Since when do you know all about the ladies Benji?" I cracked sarcastically.

"I'm just saying Van."

I lit the cigarette, bringing it to my mouth. "She doesn't hate me."

"Did she tell you that?"

"I'm gonna go for a walk."

I blew smoke out in front of the hotel, pushing my sunglasses up my nose and stepping out of the way to let people through the door. The sun was too bright, even through my sunglasses. Maybe she'd texted back.

She hadn't.

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Carmen:

When I woke up in the morning something felt heavy in my gut, like I'd swallowed a rock, and I wasn't sure why. But all too quickly memories of last night came flooding back to me like some excruciating slideshow.

My phone showed I had new messages, but I didn't bother to read them. I knew they were from Van.

Jesse was gone for the day and I didn't have work until three. The morning stretched empty ahead of me to relive last night. Yay.

My ringtone blasted from the living room while I'd peered into the fridge for food.

"What are you doing today?"

"I don't know Katherine why?"

"You sound grouchy."

"I've spoken one sentence."

"Yeah, but you sound it."

"Ok."

"Is everything ok?"

"Great."

"Your sarcasm is dripping through the phone. Did something happen with your loverboy?" No offense, but that wasn't any of Katherine's business. I stayed silent until she finally sighed on the other end. "I was hoping maybe you'd call Van up and make some group plans. Then I could happen to come over and Benji and I"-

"If you want to talk to Benji you should call him. He gave you his number right?" I interrupted sharply. "Call him."

"....Ok. What's up your butt?"

"I don't get why you even bother trying to get close to Benji. He's in a band and he's from another country. He could just pick up and leave whenever he needs to."

"K, yup. Something definitely happened between you and Van. Tell me."

"I have to go. There's someone at the door." I didn't hear her answer to my lie and hung up quickly. I breathed deeply, looking towards the window. The blinds were still drawn but sunlight filtered in, spilling onto the carpet in slanted lines.

I turned the television on, I listened to the radio, I tried to go out for a walk. Anything to keep me from looking at the phone and keep my brain preoccupied. I cleaned my room, vacuumed, and got ready for work.

I was waiting for the clock to finally show an acceptable time for me to leave for work and not look extremely desperate by showing up early. A brisk knock on the door made me jump. I heard the pluck of guitar strings outside.

He wouldn't.

"You know when you're gone, I struggle at night....dreams of you fucking me all the time...Baby we're nothing but mammals, so let's do it like they do it on the discovery channel"

I yanked the door open.

"Ta-da." Van grinned, dropping the guitar. It hung around his neck. His shaggy hair framed his face, and he was smiling a huge smile. Like nothing was wrong.

"What are you doing here?" I leaned against the doorframe, not letting him in.

"Love, you haven't answered my texts. Listen, about last night"-

"I don't want to see you right now Van."

"You're lying." He smiled. I stepped back, moving the door to close it. His foot blocked it. He put a hand against the door. "Baby I"-

"Carmen." Katherine appeared suddenly, standing outside next to Van. She looked at him. "What did you do to her?"

This was spiraling out of control. "Katherine, don't"-

"Carmen I want to talk, but not with your friend just hanging around. And pardon me, but this is between Carmen and I."

"This is between no one. Katherine, I've gotta get to work. Van, don't"-

"Didn't you like my little song then?" He smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes.

"Katherine, please? I'll call you." I pleaded with her, ignoring Van's question.

"You better not mess anything up." Katherine warned Van. He waited until she turned around before rolling his eyes.

"Van, you just showed up to sing about sex. Great, thanks. Makes me feel loads better now."

"I didn't mean it like that. I just wanna think songs up about you. And I thought of this." He shifted his guitar, moving it off of his shoulders and setting it against the wall in front of him. "You didn't talk to me."

"I need to think."

"About us?"

"I don't know if we still are."

"You can't mean that."

I shook my head, feeling my throat thicken. "You're leaving Van. And then what am I supposed to do? Keep believing that we'll make things work? Relationships barely work when the people are in other states, much less in other countries."

Van shifted, pushing his hair back. He looked completely lost for words. "Ya can't...ya can't do this to me now. I need someone to be happy with. I want it to be you."

"You're going to London. I'm staying here. Who knows how long it'll take you to get back."

"Ya won't wait for me then?" He stepped forward. "We can make it work. Whatever terms you want. I'll call you, I'll skype you, I'll come back to you, you can come to me. This can't not work if we want it to."

He was too close now, his hands frozen in the air, like he wanted to grab my shoulders. He stepped back, easing them down.

"I want it to work, but"-

"But what? You're saying it love not me. I'm full on committed to whatever you want." He stepped forward. "Take a chance come on then." He put his hands around my face. I put one of my hands over his, relenting as he stepped forward and pressed his lips against mine. "So what do you say?" He whispered. My face was flushed, my heart beating erratically. "If I didn't tell you before it's cause I was scared you'd dump me. Honestly, cross my heart."

"Van, you"-

"Don't overthink it. Just say yes. Or don't. But just tell me something already so I can breathe a little easier."

"Yes." The word slipped out, but I truly meant it. I would wait for Van, even if it took a while.

"Yeah?" His mouth turned up into a smile, his breath warm against me.

"Yes. But on one condition."

"What's that?"

"You have to come back. I know what this means, and how busy you are, so only when you've got the time to"-

He pressed lips against mine, shutting me up completely.

We broke apart, standing underneath my doorway and breathing heavily. "Just let me know when I'm needed and I'll come."

;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

"I'm going to be late for work."

"Call in sick then."

"What kind of person do you take me for?" I leaned against the couch, propping my feet up.

"An overly responsible person who needs to lighten the load. Come on then, just one time. Let's go eat something, hang out, whatever else." He ran a finger against my neck, making my skin shiver.

"Van."

"Pleeease?" He put his hands together, baring his teeth a little.

"Where are you gonna treat me then?"

"Anywhere you want sugar. I wanna spoil you rotten."

;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

We went out to some Italian place, teasing each other and laughing a lot. Maybe there was a bit of excessive PDA, but I got what all the fuss was about now. I wanted to be touching Van at all times.

And I did. While he was looking at the menu, I reached over and pushed his hair back. The way he was biting his lip was so adorable. He grabbed my hand with both of his while we talked, pressing it against his face and looking out into the restaurant.

"So do you know when you're leaving?"

"Nope. Probably in a month or two. I haven't written much songs, but I've been feeling pretty inspired for some reason."

"Hmmm. Well the songs you've performed now are really good. Sidewinder and..."

"To be determined. I've been tossing some names back and my mind. But the rest are just covers. Oh well, it'll work out. Inspire me will you?"

I laughed. "Sure."

We left, leaning into each other under the doorway. His hand snaked around my waist, and we walked to his van. "Van drive the van."

"Haha." He stuck his tongue out, opening the van door. "Get in you little jokester."

He started the engine and backed out, rubbing his mouth. "Let's get a drink or something? To celebrate."

"Yes, that's what I've been thinking. You wanna get the guys?"

"We'll celebrate with them later. Just you and me right now no?"

"Better, what if we buy a bottle and celebrate at my place?"

"You're right, that does sound better."

;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

I was holding the plastic bag holding the bottle of rum we'd bought. We climbed up the stairs to my place, Van holding onto my sides and resting his head on my shoulder as we walked. He dug his head into the crook of my neck, making me jolt. "Van, be careful."

"I never realized you were so ticklish." He said, smiling devilishly.

"Don't." I warned him.

"I won't. Not when you're carrying that heavy glass bottle."

I handed him the bag as I fumbled around for my keys. The key jammed but soon the door swung open. Jesse was stretched out on the couch, clad in her pjs.

"Oh hey Jesse. This is Van."

"Hey." She turned back to the tv.

"Let's go to my room." I whispered, grabbing his hand and leading him through the hall.

"I'll get glasses."

"No need. If ya don't mind sharing spit."

"That sounds gross but ok."

Van shifted on the bed, taking the bottle out. The light from my lamp cast our long shadows against the wall, and Van popped open the bottle, sniffing it.

"What are you doing?"

"A habit I learned from ma dad. Just to make sure it's good. Ladies first." He inched the bottle towards me, I took a small sip, the liquid burning my throat.

"Remember when we met at the bar? You looked so...different. Like you didn't belong there." He murmured.

"Really?"

"Yup, and then we swapped names and I was like damn, this girl is going to try and out drink me or something."

"I was drinking water."

"I know, but then you downed that other drink and it looked like you could take more."

"I don't know if I can handle a lot. Always have been a bit of a lightweight."

"That's the irony of it huh?" Van shrugged out of his jacket, pushing the bottle back against his hands.

"Is that what drew you then? The irony of it all?"

"Yes ma'am." Van laughed.

I felt as light as a feather.

"Would you mind if I smoke a little?"

"Let me open the window." I stood up, moving towards the window. The streetlights were on now, illuminating parts of the concrete. I felt someone stand next to me. Van handed me the bottle, letting out some smoke through the open window.

I looked at Van hungrily, he was still looking out the window. "Van."

He turned to look at me and I dove into him, feeling his hands press against my back. My mouth moved against his, which tasted like rum and smoke.

"Mmm, I wanna mess your bed up."

"Come on then."

;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

I jolted awake in the sunlight, blinking quickly. Van's arm was wrapped around me, pulling me against him. The phone was ringing. My phone.

"Katherine."

"You didn't call me. And then I went to your work and they said you'd called in sick. Everything ok?"

"Yeah. Everything's good."

"Is Van with you?"

"Mmm. What's happening?" Van squinted down at me, pushing a hand over his face.

"I'm going to call you back."

"...Ok. Bye."

"Katherine again?"

"Yup."

"Man, she's sure trying to get in your business huh?"

"We've been friends for a long time."

"Yeah, but she seems...I don't know. I don't want to talk about her. I just wanna lay here with you. You smell good." He pushed his face against my hair.

"Let's do something today. My treat."

"Carmen"-

"Come on. You always pay for everything. Let me spoil you now."

"Fine spoil me good then. I can think of a few ways, absolutely for free."

"What's that?"

"Just put your arms around me." He laughed, pressing himself against me.

"Ok, but I'm serious. We are doing something."

"Like what?"

"I've got some ideas."

Cheers!