I couldn't believe it.

And now.. I had to live with knowing, but I had to act like.. I didn't?

I couldn't do that. Not to Jake. Not to Jess.

This wasn't fair.

Just when I thought.. maybe he had finally fucked up for good.

He hadn't.

If anything.. that was the most selfless thing he could have ever done.

And he didn't even know why. He didn't have to. He would do anything for Jess.

And I knew that. Everyone knew that.

"Now.." Her dad said, finishing the rest of his drink and making his way over to the sink. "I'm going to bed. It's alright with me if you stay, but if not, just make sure you lock up on your way out. And.. I'd appreciate if you didn't mention any of this to her. This is to protect her. You're her best friend.. so, I know you'll do the right thing." I bit down on my lip, nodding.

"Alright. Goodnight, Sam." He said simply, walking down the hallway.

I kept my eyes on him until he turned the corner. What the hell was I supposed to do with all of this? Why did he have to dump all of this on me? Things could've been perfect if I just.. didn't know. Things were over between them. Her and I could finally be together, and be happy.. but it wouldn't be real, and I couldn't live with myself knowing they would always belong to each other, no matter who they were with. I couldn't spend every day knowing I would always come second to him. I loved her. I loved her so much. So much to where.. I couldn't let her be miserable. Not if I could fix it. They deserved each other. No matter how much it killed me seeing her with someone else, I just wanted her to be happy.

Even if it wasn't with me.

I finished the rest of my drink, wincing as it burned my throat, placing the empty glass in the sink. I peeked back at her door. How badly I wanted to stay with her, but.. I knew I should get back to the bus. Back to Jake. This wasn't fair to him at all. It would be even worse now that I knew everything. He was still my brother, and I'm sure he was having the worst night of his life. The least I could do was be there for him, even if he had no interest in me being there.

When I got back to the bus, I was instantly met with Danny opening the door, stopping me on the steps.

"You don't want to go in there." He said softly. My stomach dropped.

"W-why?" I asked, feeling my cheeks burn.

"It's bad." I bit down on my lip, holding my stare on him.

"Does he-"

"Yeah, he knows where you went." I sighed, nodding.

"I need to talk to him."

"Alright.." He shrugged, leading me back in.

I slowly made my way up the steps, not sure what to anticipate once I got to the top. But it was quiet. Peering over, I could see the curtain on Jake's bunk pulled closed. The closer I got, the more clearly I could hear his heavy breathing, despite his attempts to silence them.

My heart dropped. Maybe now wasn't the best time.

I don't think I had ever heard him like this.

"Jake.." I finally forced out, leaning back against my bunk. His heavy breathing started to slow down, but never fully stopped.

"Jake?" I said again, my heart beat faster.

"Go. Away." He finally managed. My stomach dropped.

"Jake, I just-"

"I said go away!" He yelled.

"Jake, I.. I know what happ-"

"You have no idea what I am going through, Sam. None. And you really think I don't know you ran off to her the second I got home? I don't want to talk to you, I don't want to talk to anyone. Just leave. me. alone."

"Jake, I'm just-"

"Just go! Go be with her! I don't care anymore! It's over! Just go!"

I peeked over at Danny and Josh who were now sitting at the kitchen table. Josh shook his head, staring back at me, wide-eyed. I should just let him sleep on it. This was something that needed to be a much bigger conversation, and he was in no way in any state to listen to anything I had to say.

"Fine." I sighed, pulling open my curtain, hopping up and quickly yanking it closed. I popped in my headphones and rolled over, facing the window where I saw that it had started to snow again. Scrolling through my phone, I put on the song that Jess and I had danced to in her kitchen, clutching one of my pillows up against my chest, I watched the giant flakes slowly drift onto the freezing pavement.

If you ever think about me, pretty baby,

if I ever cross your mind

well you know, you know I'm yours,

and I know, I know you're mine

Slowly but surely I could feel my eyelids getting heavier, the snowy wonderland going dark as reality effortlessly blended with my dreams.

Suddenly, I was back in her kitchen, twirling her around, and pulling her back into my arms again. Except this time, there was nothing to interrupt us. This time, when I told her I loved her, she said it back, and then some. She pulled me into a passionate kiss, wrapping her arms around me, my body pressed up against hers feeling her heart beating alongside mine. Her kisses getting harder as she slowly lead me back into her room, pulling me down onto her bed. Her hands gradually sliding up my chest, pulling my shirt over my head, me doing the same. My fingers gently tracing her soft skin, traveling down to her pants where she placed her hands over mine, sliding them off for me. She climbed on top of me, unbuttoning mine and pulling them off when-

I was instantly jolted awake by the sound of my phone vibrating under my pillow. My heart was racing, my whole body feeling hot. I quickly shook the thought as I sat up, looking around, pulling my headphones out. My stomach dropped as I heard the sound of Jake's muffled sobs again. I couldn't believe he was in the middle of the biggest heartbreak of his entire life, and I was laying right next to him, dreaming about sleeping with her.

I had never really thought about her like that before. I mean, of course I had thought about it, but I had never really.. thought about it. Not like that.

I wondered if she ever thought about me like that.

Finally, I rubbed my eyes, reaching under my pillow and grabbing my phone. As my eyes adjusted, my heart jumped.

Sam, can you please come back?

Come back? She wanted me to come back. She wanted me.. No.

No, no, no, no, no, no..

I couldn't do this.

But..

If I went back, nothing had to happen. No one said that anything would happen. I'm sure she just wanted me there to lay with her again. That's all. Nothing wrong with that. Friends do that all the time, right? I'm sure she just wanted someone there with her; she didn't want to be alone. It didn't matter if it was me or not.

But I knew she was only texted me because Jake wasn't an option anymore.

Or so she thought.

I'm sure if she knew the truth, I wouldn't be the one she wanted in her bed.

Or maybe.. now I was?

Her dad did say that she talked about me.

And pretended not to know how to play.. just so I would teach her.

That had to mean something.. right?

Right?

I bit down on my lip, feeling my heart start to beat faster. Peeking outside, the snow had gotten worse. And I'd had to walk all the way back there through it?

Who was I kidding, I would do anything for her. I didn't give a shit about a little snow.

are you okay?

yeah, I just miss you.

I tossed my phone away, running my hands through my hair.

No, no, no, no, no.

This wasn't fair.

I knew this was wrong. I knew I shouldn't be doing this.

I'll be right there