I had forgotten how easy it was to talk to Josh. After what happened on Christmas Eve, I just assumed he didn't want anything to do with me anymore. And rightfully so. I wouldn't blame him. But honestly, it was probably for the best that he was the one who came over, because I couldn't be sure what would've happened if it was Sam.

It didn't matter how I felt about him, deep down I knew.. it was always going to be Jake. And I knew Sam didn't take these things lightly. I would never forgive myself if I hurt him. So no matter what happened between Jake and I.. I knew that Sam and I could never be more than friends. Best friends.

By now, the rest of the bottle was long gone. Our wine stained lips, pressed into gentle smiles as tired words of forgiveness and contentment filled the air. The room slowly faded from a bleak and icy blue to a luminous orange as the blaring wintry sun emanated through the sheer curtains.

"So.. what are you gonna do?" He asked, propping his head up onto his hand, staring back at me with drowsy eyes. I held my gaze on him, my heart beating faster.

"What can I do?" I muttered. "I just.. I don't understand why it's so easy for him to walk out on me. After everything he's said, I.." I stopped, feeling the tears start to well up in my eyes again. His face dropped as he reached out, gently placing his hand on my leg.

"Jess, I can guarantee you.. it's not easy." He said softly, giving me a gentle smile. My cheeks burned.

"Josh.." I sighed, trying to contain my smile. He shook his head, giggling to himself.

"I'm just saying." I nodded, wiping my face. He moved closer, pulling me into a hug. I felt the tears start to fall again as I rested my head on his shoulder.

"If you wanna stay home tonight, it's okay." He said softly. "I.. I know how it feels. Not wanting to see them. And then, if you want.. I can come back here after the show, if you need someone. And we can figure everything out then." I backed away, staring back at him.

"Thank you." I said softly. "But.. if this is how it's gonna be, I just.. I have to get over it, right?" I asked. He shrugged.

"You can give yourself some time. You're only human."

"It's.. it's better if I keep busy." I said softly, looking down. He didn't pry.

"Only if that's what you want."

Of course it wasn't what I wanted, but I knew it was for the best. I had no idea what would happen if I was left alone with my own thoughts right now. It was better to suffer around him than grieve unattended.

"Josh, I.. do you think that.. tonight, maybe I could-"

"You can stay in my bunk." He giggled to himself, his cheeks burning red. "I can stay on the couch. I don't mind." I bit down on my lip, nodding.

"Thank you." I whispered. He shrugged, his smile growing. He held his stare on me for a moment, before getting up, grabbing both of our glasses.

"I should probably head back." He sighed, bringing them both over to the sink. "You should get some sleep." I turned around to face him, suddenly conscious of how heavy my eyes had become. I propped my head up on the arm of the couch, watching him as he made his way back over to me.

"You gonna be okay?" He asked. I nodded, forcing a smile.

"Okay." He sighed. He hesitated before brushing the hair out of my face, leaning down and gently kissing my forehead.

"Text me when you get back." I said softly. "So I know you're okay." He nodded, biting down on his lip to contain his smile, his eyes lighting up.

"I will." He sighed. "Text me when you're on your way to the venue. So I know you're okay." My cheeks burned.

"I will." I smirked back at him. His smile grew as his cheeks burned red. He held his stare on me as he hung back, leaning up against the doorframe for a moment.

"Okay." He finally sighed, softly closing the door behind him.

I waited for a moment, before eventually dragging myself to bed, forcing myself to keep my eyes open until I finally heard my phone vibrate.

I'm texting you that I'm back, to let you know that I'm okay :)

I couldn't help but smile.

okay good :)

I hope you're feeling better.

I am, thank you.

sleep well xo

I felt my cheeks burn.

go to sleep josh lol

I'm trying, but you keep texting me lol. Go to sleep, you have work in a few hours.

I shook my head, my smile growing as I placed my phone on my end table, passing out as soon as my head hit the pillow.

L

On my way to the venue :)

I felt like I was going to be sick the entire walk back, but being home made it somewhat bearable. The whole thing was bitter sweet. I remember when I was younger, walking these same streets, dreaming of the day I would get to do what I do now. But I could have never predicted everything else that would come along with it..

great, see you soon. I'll meet you out front :)

I smiled, sliding my phone back into my bag.

The snow had started to get worse since last night, or should I say, this morning. I wondered if that meant there would still be fans waiting outside. I wouldn't be shocked if there were.

I just hoped I could avoid Jake as long as possible. I wasn't ready to see him. I knew it was unavoidable during the show, but that didn't mean he had to see me.

I shoved my hands into my pockets, shivering as the cold winds crept down the crevices of my neck. I wish I had grabbed Sam's scarf before I left last night. One thing I never missed is how cold it got here. Though it's not like it would be any better in Michigan.

My heart dropped.

I guess that didn't really matter anymore either.

As I turned the corner, I could see Josh standing outside, looking around in the other direction. I couldn't help but smile as I started walking faster, eager just to get inside.

"Sorry, the band isn't coming out tonight." I joked, sneaking up behind him. He quickly turned around, flashing me a smile.

"There you are." He laughed, pulling me into a quick hug. "Come on, it's freezing out here." I quickly followed him inside, stomping the snow off of us as we made our way through the main entrance.

"I wouldn't be surprised if we get snowed in an extra night." He said, leading me down one of the hallways. "It's only supposed to get worse."

"So we're gonna be stuck here?" I asked. He shrugged, smirking back at me.

"Thankfully we have off tomorrow. But.. that's typically meant for driving."

Then as we got closer to the dressing rooms, I could hear talking. And my stomach dropped. I knew that voice anywhere. Suddenly, I couldn't move, and my whole body went cold. Josh stopped, noticing I wasn't following anymore. He bit down on his lip, peeking over at the dressing rooms and then back to me.

"Um.. we.. we don't have to go back here, we can just.. um.. hang out backstage if you want." He said, giving me a questioning look. I nodded, backing away.

"Okay." He sighed, as he guided me back towards the stage.

I hated being like this with Jake. One minute we were planning a family and the next I couldn't even be in the same room as him. I just couldn't take it anymore, every day I had emotional whiplash. Maybe it would be a little easier if I had any idea what went wrong, but this time it felt like it just.. came out of nowhere. Which wasn't like him at all. Something must've happened.. right?

"Hey.." Sam said, making his way over to us. I forced a smile as I leaned back against the wall, going through my camera.

"Hey." I said softly. He peeked over at Josh, and then back to me. "Um.. h-how did you sleep?"

"Okay." I sighed. He nodded.

"Are you.. how are you fee-"

"Fine." I said, cutting him off. I really didn't feel like talking about it anymore. Josh shot him a look.

"It'll be okay, just hang out on my side like always." He giggled to himself. "I could use some more good photos of me anyway." I smirked back at him, nodding.

"That's where I'll be." I said, looking back down at my camera.

All I wanted was for this night to be over.

And in the blink of an eye, it practically was.

Peeking out from Sam's side of the stage, I took a few photos of the crowd. It was crazy how you never really knew what someone was going through. How all of those kids were probably having one of the best nights of their lives, and here I was, having one of the worst.

"Thank you! Goodnight!" Josh called out, following Sam and Danny as they ran off stage towards me. I snapped a few more photos before forcing myself to peek out towards the other side where I caught a quick glimpse of Jake, who was already staring back at me.