I remember the first time I ever laid eyes on Jaime.

Josh had been hounding my mom for weeks to take him over to meet the new neighbors when they finally moved in, but I was glad that I was finally going to have some time to myself to practice my guitar.

"Can we go now?" He asked eagerly, pulling my mom towards the door. I peeked out the front window to see a little girl and her mom getting out of their van, and my stomach instantly felt sick, my face getting hot. I had never felt anything for a girl before, but there was something about her that just made me nervous.

"Alright, alright, we can go say hello." Mom laughed, taking his hand. She then turned back to me.

"Jake, do you wanna come with us?" I hesitated for a moment, not wanting to be left behind while Josh got to meet her. I nervously nodded, following her closely while clutching the leg of her pants.

Josh quickly ran over to her, reaching his hand out. Even back then, I envied how confident he could be when meeting new people.

"Hi!" He said. She stared at him for a moment before finally smiling back, shaking his hand.

"Hi, my name is Jaime." She said, so sweetly. I moved further behind my mom to hide my now blushing face.

"I'm Josh. What kind of games do you like to play?"

"Um.. all kinds."

"Okay great! We can play all the time now."

My heart jumped. All the time? She was going to come over.. all the time? I was going to have to feel like this all the time?

She nodded, now peeking over at me.

My heart jumped.

"Who's that?" She asked. I wanted to go over and introduce myself, just like Josh did, but my legs wouldn't take me.

"That's my twin brother, Jake." He said simply. She laughed. My stomach dropped. She was laughing at me?

"Why is he hiding?" Josh shrugged.

"He's just shy."

"Josh, we should let them get settled in." Mom eventually called out. "You can come over later."

"Okay.. um.. you can come over whenever you want. Just knock on the back door and I'll come out and play."

"Okay." She laughed again, going over to her mom. I felt a smile escape my lips at the sound of her laughter, but hid my face further into my mom's leg, not wanting anyone else to see.

Josh spent the rest of the afternoon at the front window, waiting for Jaime to come back where I didn't hesitate to run up the steps and lock myself in my bedroom, strumming along on my guitar.

I wrote my first song that night.

I would never tell, whether or not it was about her. I just know before that, I had never felt so much that I had to channel it somewhere, into something in such a way. I wasn't one for lyrics, but music suited Jaime more than any words I could ever muster.

Ever since that day, I've spent my whole life trying to find girls that reminded me of Jaime, that gave me that same giddy feeling, that same rush of nervousness that made me want to write them songs, but it just never happened. Everyone always fell short. That's when I realized that there was no one like Jaime; she was one in a million.

But.. she was Josh's.

The night of our first show, we drove Jaime home, and I silently watched from the backseat as they shared flirtatious glances and giddy smiles, meant only for each other. He adoringly watched as she made her way up her sidewalk and into her house, making sure she got in safe before turning to me and telling me that one day.. he was going to marry her. And I knew that anything I ever felt would never matter, because she was his, and deep down, I think he has always been hers too.

But it seemed as though everyone knew.. but them.

It wasn't fair to the girls that I had dated over the years, comparing them all to Jaime and then resenting them when they never measured up. All I wanted was my own Jaime, but as the years went on and the girls came and went, I had began to accept the fact that.. perhaps there was no "Jaime" for me. And maybe if I hadn't been so shy that first day, perhaps Jaime could have been my Jaime.

I knew that I would spend a lifetime wondering.

-

I poured myself a drink as everyone slowly started pouring into the backyard. It had been a long time since we'd had everyone over like this. I missed it. But things were different now.

"Hey!" I heard from behind me. Cait. I turned to her as she made her way through the back gate, pulling me into a quick kiss. "I thought you were gonna pick me up?" I sighed, having totally forgotten.

"Oh, yeah, sorry, um.. Mom wanted me to set up the yard and.. I lost track of time. I'm sorry." I said, forcing a subtle smile. She shrugged.

"That's okay. It's not too far. Where's Mom? I can help her inside." My stomach dropped. I hated how she took it upon herself to call my Mom.. Mom. From the day we started dating, I knew it would never come to that. We never really were on the same page about what this was.

"She's.. she's fine." I said, pouring her a drink. "Here. It's sweet. You'll like it." She smiled back up at me, grabbing onto my arm.

"You know me so well." She sighed. I nodded, looking around, hoping that Jaime and Josh would get here already.

"How come you guys don't have the volleyball net set up this year?" She asked. I shrugged, keeping my eyes locked on the gate.

"Uh.. we haven't really played since Jaime stopped coming over. Her mom, you know. But she's the best, it's never fair when she's on someone's team, that's basically a guaranteed win." I laughed, thinking back on the summer her and I were always on the same team, and not by chance. I always made sure to rig the selection process. I didn't care about winning, I just loved how she'd always give me a high-five after we got a point. It was basically the closest I was allowed to get to touching her without provoking suspicion in Josh.

"Oh.." Cait mumbled, taking a big sip. "Well, we could still pl-"

"It's just not the same without her. Maybe if she wants to."

"O-okay.."

Finally, my heart jumped as Jaime and Josh made their way through the back gate, their hands almost touching. She had stayed over last night, and it was one of the most excruciating nights of my life. I tossed and turned, wondering what was possibly going on between them.

"There you are!" I yelled out. "We thought you were gonna bail on us!" It was amazing how she didn't even have to try and she could always look so pretty. Not like the other girls we had gone to school with, who I always thought tried way too hard. If Cait bothered me with "which dress she should wear for date night" one more time, I thought I would explode. Those dates where she had to wear a dress were my least favorite to begin with. What I would give to just have someone.. to go hiking with. Someone who would just be happy sitting with me out in the yard while I played for her, a song written specifically for her.

I knew Jaime would appreciate it. And I envied knowing that one day, Josh was going to be the one who would get to do those things with her. But I was happy that she would have someone so kind. She deserved the world, and if she ended up with anyone, I was glad it was going to be Josh.. as much as I wished it could have been me.

"Come on!" I yelled, waving them over. "There's plenty!" I could hear them whispering amongst each other as they lingered behind, following us over to the drink table.

"You're right on time, we haven't even started the games yet." I said, turning to Jaime. "Jaime, what are you having?"

"Um.." She said, scanning the table.

"I got her, don't worry. We'll meet you over there." Josh said, practically pushing me away. My stomach dropped, my cheeks burning red, but I tried my best to disguise it with a wide grin, quickly turning away.

As I sat down at the table, Cait quickly made her way over, sitting down close to me. She grabbed my hand, wrapping my arm around her shoulder as Jaime and Josh came over.

"So, how long have you two been together?" She asked, turning towards Jaime. I quickly shot her a look, hating how she'd bring that up.

"O-oh, um.. n-no, we uh.. we're.. not together." Jaime said softly, sitting down as Josh pulled out her chair for her. I then saw Josh shoot me a look, motioning towards Cait. I understood.

"Jaime lives next door." I said, turning to her. "We've basically known her our whole lives."

"Oh.. sorry. I just.. the way you guys were last night and-"

"Yeah, they get that a lot." I muttered, taking another sip.

"What about you guys?" Jaime asked. "We.. really weren't introduced."

"Yeah, this one is horrible with that." Cait said, playfully shoving me. My face dropped, looking over at her. I hated when she did that. "Only a few weeks though."

"Well, that's sweet." Jaime said, peeking over at me. I looked back at her, feeling my cheeks burn as a smile escaped my lips.

"So, I heard we were playing games?" Josh asked.

"Tables all set up." I said, eagerly hopping out of my chair. I leaned down, gathering the pingpong balls from under the table, subtly making my way over to Jaime's side of the table. Her and I had been teammates long before Josh finally built up the courage to ask her, and we always won together.

As far as I was concerned, we were the perfect team.

"Alright, we all know how to play, right?" I asked. "What are the teams?" I peeked over at Jaime, catching her eye as she smiled back up at me.

"We'll go!" Cait yelled, wrapping her arm around mine. I sighed, my face dropping, wishing I could just shake her off, but I knew that.. I guess I should probably be on the same team as my girlfriend.

"Alright.." I sighed, turning back to Jaime. "You guys wanna play us?" I motioned to Josh with a smirk, winking at him. Josh turned to her with questioning eyes.

"Fine." She laughed, going over to the other side of the table. Josh leaned down, whispering into her ear, and I felt a pang of jealously radiate throughout my body. I quickly turned away, forcing a smile for Cait before anyone noticed my glaring.

They couldn't take their hands off of each other the entire night. After about two games I had to pull myself away before I said something I would regret. I had been drinking for Cait and I since she had to drive home, along with what I had already poured for myself. I could barely hold myself up as I took her hand, pulling her to the other side of the yard. I could tell she had other plans by the way she impatiently pulled me over to the bench on the other side of the lawn, yanking me down next to her, cuddling close to me. I sighed, wrapping my arm around her as I turned back towards the table, now seeing Josh wrapping his arms around Jaime's waist. My heart started beating faster as she turned around to face him, wrapping her arms around her neck.

I couldn't take it anymore.

I quickly got up, making my way back over to the table while hearing Cait's footsteps quickly following behind me. Just as Josh leaned in, I reached out, quickly shaking the table.

"Hey, come on you two." I laughed, making my way towards the house. Josh hastily turned around to face me, shooting daggers with his eyes.

"What?" He snapped. I laughed again, rolling my eyes, motioning back to the house.

"Come on, you'll get your chance inside." I sighed, hopping up the steps.

Cait followed me close behind as I lead us through the kitchen and down the steps to the basement.

"What are we doing?" She asked. I went into the closet, pulling out the glass bottle we used for all of our games like this. I saw her face drop as her eyes shot over to it.

"Oh.." She sighed.

"What?" She shook her head, flashing me a smile.

"N-nothing." She said, sitting down on the rug.

By now, everyone else had made their way downstairs, gathering around the glass bottle in the center of it all. I could see Jaime scanning the floor, her face dropping as she spotted the glass bottle. Her and Josh never really played these games with us. They typically ran off together doing god knows what, but having talked to Josh, I knew was nothing.

He looked over at her, leaning in close again, whispering into her ear. What could he possibly have to whisper about so many times?

"Alright, we all know the rules, right?" I yelled out, wanting to pull her attention away from him.

"I don't think they do." Sam laughed, motioning over towards Jaime.

"They always play, you're just too wasted to tell." I said, smirking over at her, not wanting Sam to scare her off. She smiled back at me, her cheeks burning. My heart started beating faster.

"Alright, alright, for any newbies.. the rules are.. you spin the bottle, and whoever it lands on you can do a quick peck and spin, or take it to the closet to pick the next pairing. I'll spin first."

I peeked over at Jaime as the bottle spun around and around. My stomach dropped as she reached over for Josh's hand, intertwining their fingers. He smiled back at her, leaning in, whispering again. I had to look away, bringing my eyes back to the bottle that finally began slowing down, gradually passing everyone in the circle until it finally stopped, landing on Jaime.

My heart jumped. Jaime. I was going to kiss Jaime. After all these years of secretly wondering what that could possibly feel like. But.. despite how I felt, despite how badly I wanted to, there was no way I could do that to Josh.

"We're gonna.. go to the closet." I said, grabbing her hand. I felt my body get hot at the touch of her skin, instantly grabbing ahold of me, squeezing me tightly as I quickly pulled her across the room and into the closet, shutting the door behind us. Even under the faint light above, I could see her eyes, nervous and uneasy.

She didn't want me.

And I knew that.

"Jake, I don't want-" I didn't want to hear it, despite having known this my entire life.

"Neither do I." I lied, giving her a gentle smile. "Don't worry."