Our amorous kisses turned to gentle reminders of affection as our once needy lips became slow and tired. It didn't take long for him to eventually crawl underneath the covers, wrapping his arm around me, instantly falling asleep as his head hit the pillow. I held him close, gently rubbing his back until I heard his quiet snoring in my ear.

In this moment, my heart was full. This is all I've ever wanted with him. The idea of falling asleep with him every night, waking up to him every morning, to feel safe and adored, our bodies affectionately tangled around one another, disregarding the world around us.

I tangled my fingers into his hair, pulling him in, kissing his forehead. I then heard him sigh, a small smile spreading across his lips as his grip on me got tighter, pulling me in closer to him. He was so sweet when he finally let his guard down. I wished I could have this version of him all the time.

I looked back over at my end table, admiring the flowers he had gotten for me, wishing that my first flowers from him weren't "apology" flowers. But he had nothing to be sorry for, and they were still.. so beautiful.

Then I looked down at the letter. I knew he had said to wait until he was gone before I read it, but.. he was asleep now. And that still counted for something, right?

I carefully reached over, trying my best not to wake him up as I grabbed it, slowly unfolding it, now realizing it was much longer than I had anticipated. I peeked down at him, making sure he was still asleep before reading.

Jaime,

You've had my heart from the moment I first laid eyes on you. I'm so sorry it took me so long to finally muster the courage to give it to you. I can only hope that you handle it with care, the same way I promise to always cherish yours.

The day I met you, I finally felt the music in me come alive, and that night I wrote my first song. Ever since then, I have written you many songs that one day I'd love to play for you. I think subconsciously, song I've ever written has been for you. Just knowing you're wearing the pick that helped me write my first song.. if only I could go back in time and tell younger me how one day he'd be lucky enough to know how it finally feels to get to hold you in his arms as so much more than a friend.

There's only one word that I can think of that describes how I feel about you, Jaime, but I don't want to risk saying it too soon. I just need you to know that it's there, and it's the most I've ever felt for anyone, so this is new for me too.

I don't really think it matters if you're someone's first, as long as you're their last, and I would be the luckiest guy in the world if I shared all of my lasts with you.

You said you about me, and honestly that's more than enough for me, but maybe one day you'll feel this word for me too, and we'll be able to say it to each other like it was any other word. We'll say it when we wake up together, when we fall asleep together, and every moment in between.

There are extremities to the word, I know; lighthearted and innocent, in the mornings when I'd get to start my day with you, or late at night when I finally have to get on that tour bus, not sure when I'll get to see you again. That's when it holds the most weight, but I need you to know how much I'll mean it when I finally bring myself to say it. And then I'll need you to hold onto that word until I can come back home to you and say it again and again, praying that you never forget it. Or me.

I'm scared to leave, Jaime. I'm scared you're going to forget the details of my face, the sound of my voice, the way it feels when we kiss, and suddenly that word won't mean as much to you, while I'm all alone and still able to recall every shade of brown in your eyes and the romantic pink brilliance of your lips, sweeter than the most delicious berry, for you've always been my forbidden fruit.

I hope to write you so many more of these. It's so much easier getting to tell you how I feel when I'm not getting lost in your eyes. (Are you aware of how distracting you can be?) But Jaime, saying that I've completely fallen for you is an understatement. I knew what I was getting into, and even still I willingly stumbled headfirst and plummeted down into a raging fire of that terrifying word again.

I pray you give me the chance to give this to you. The idea of you hating me, absolutely kills me. I promise you, I would never hurt you. I understand it may take us some time, but I have all the time in the world for you.

I L-word you, Jaime.

Yours,

Jake.

I was speechless, now wishing that I really had waited until he had gone home before I read it. After everything, I couldn't believe that this was how he really felt. Never did I think he was even capable of feeling this way.. towards anyone. And now, he did.. for me. I quickly wiped my eyes as they started welling up with tears. I couldn't stop reading it, still unable to believe this was something he took the time to sit down and write.

How could I ever be mad at him?

I reached down, brushing the hair out of his face, gently kissing his forehead. He sighed again, cuddling closer until he slowly opened his eyes, sluggishly looking around. He was so cute. Finally he pushed himself up, his lips curling into a sleepy smile.

"How long was I out?" He asked, rubbing his eyes, his face dropping as they finally focused.

"W-why are you crying?" I couldn't help but smile, shaking my head as I wiped my eyes again. He looked down at my hands, noticing I was still holding the letter.

"I thought I told you to wait until I went home." He smirked, his cheeks burning red. He took the letter, placing it back down on my end table before pulling me up against him, hugging me tightly. More tears fell as he gently ran his fingers through my hair, eventually gliding up and down my back.

"Y-you really meant all of that?" I asked, peeking back up at him. He nodded, biting down on his lip.

"Yeah." He sighed, his eyes moving down to my lips. I didn't hesitate to pull him into a passionate kiss, tightly tangling my fingers in his hair, pulling him in as close as possible. He kissed me back harder, eventually positioning himself over me. I wrapped my arms around his neck as his kisses became harder, now feeling the weight of his body pressing against mine.

"Jake.." I sighed, staring back up at him.

"Yeah?" He managed, catching his breath. He gazed down at me, his delicate smile never once fading from his lips.

"I.. I L-word you too." I giggled, feeling my face get hot. His eyes got wide, his smile growing as he instantly pulled me back into another deep, passionate kiss. He sat up, pulling me into his lap, gently caressing my face as he stared back at me with those eyes, those captivating, mesmerizing eyes..

"Jaime, I just.. I don't want us to-" I shook my head, leaning into a gentle kiss.

"It's okay. Me either. I'm okay with this. I.. I don't want to rush anything with us. We have plenty of time." He sighed, biting down on his lip.

"Well, not.. plenty." He sighed. I shook my head, kissing him again.

"Please don't talk about leaving. I.. I can't think about you-"

"Me either."

"So then.. let's just.. enjoy right now, okay?" I asked. He nodded, his smile growing as he pulled me into another long, tender kiss.

"Okay."

I don't know what I was going to do when he finally left. But now that I knew he was scared too..

"Jaime?"

"Yeah?" He gently ran his fingers down my cheek, his eyes moving down to my lips again. A smile escaped my lips as his curled into a playful grin.

"I L-word you.. so much."