Even with her hair a mess, her eyes half shut, stumbling through the parking lot, clinging to me for dear life, she was still the most beautiful girl I had ever seen in my entire life. And I loved her more than anything.

So I couldn't let her do this. I couldn't let her put her life on hold for me. As badly as I've wanted her to say these things to me for my entire life.. now that it was finally happening, it just wouldn't be fair.

Why did my dream come before hers? And if it came down to it, would I willing to give it all up for her? Who was I kidding. To be with her.. I would. I would give anything. I would have always given anything.

When we got back to the restaurant, I could see everyone starting to make their way out, all smiling and laughing amongst each other, Josh instantly looking over at Jaime as I wrapped my arm around her, holding her closer. She kept her head down, avoiding everyone's eyes as I felt her heavy breaths against me, no doubt trying to hide her crying. My heart dropped.

I had promised her that the only tears I would ever make her cry were happy ones. Another promise broken. Maybe I really wasn't good enough for her.

From the moment we got back, Josh hadn't taken his eyes off of her once, carefully watching my every move, just waiting for an opportunity to swoop in and save the day, just like always. And honestly.. maybe he should.

We all piled into the van, the both of us silent as we became surrounded by their continuous good time, stuck within our own personal dark cloud. She slid in close, leaning her head on my shoulder as she reached her hand out for me. I didn't hesitate to take it, intertwining our fingers and bringing her hand up to my lips, trying my best to keep the tears from coming.

It wasn't long before I heard her quiet snores in my ear, reminding me of all those magical nights that faded to dawn, just way too soon. What I wouldn't give to go back, just for a few minutes, lying together in her bed, her laying her head on my chest after finally getting to be with her.. like that.

Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think she would want me like that.

And to think the last time was on the couch of some old dressing room that I would probably never see again. She deserved so much more than that, and to think she considered it.. 'hooking up.' I hated the idea of her thinking anything between us could ever be so casual. We were the furthest thing from casual.

I wanted the world with her.

I knew it was soon, but also.. no it wasn't.

I had loved her my entire life.

And I would love her until the end of it.

Whether she was mine or not.

As we pulled up to the venue, I carefully moved her over onto the seat as everyone climbed out, draping my jacket over her before following Josh out, carefully shutting the door behind me. He hung back as the rest of them went back inside to get the rest of their things.

"I think you're right." I finally said, leaning back against the van, listening carefully to her snores to make sure she was still asleep. He held his stare on me for a moment.

"About what?" He asked. I motioned back towards her, avoiding his eyes. "She told me that.. she wants to stay here, and that.. maybe school could wait so we could be together."

"You know you can't let her do that." He said. I nodded, feeling my face get hot as more tears came to my eyes.

"What am I supposed to do? I.. I can't break up with her. I can't. I love her. I don't want to do this."

"If you love her, you have to let her go." I shook my head, quickly wiping my eyes.

"That never made any sense to me." I snapped, glaring back over at him. "If you love someone, then you should hold onto them, and never let them go."

"Jake, she-"

"How can you love someone too much?! I.. I can't do it. I don't want to."

"So then you're just okay with her forgetting about school to follow you around on tour? And do what? Just.. sit around and cheer for you while you get to live out your dream and then she has nothing of her own? How is that fair, Jake? That's selfish. In what world is that love?" I looked away, feeling my eyes fill with tears again. I knew he was right.

"I can't leave her, Josh."

"Then find a way to make her leave you."

"No. I don't want to hurt her, I can't hurt her. I said that I would never hurt her. I told you-"

"I know.."

"And then what about you?" I snapped, feeling my face get hot. For all I knew this was just another way to get her back for himself.

"This has nothing to do with me. She's going to be so heartbroken over you that she isn't even going to look at me." I shook my head, looking back down at my feet.

She already looked at him. I knew she thought I couldn't tell, but I could always tell. She hadn't taken off the necklace he got her before we left, and she thinks I can't tell that she still thinks about him? He was her first everything. Despite what happened between us when we were kids, he was her first.

And I knew how special that was to them.

"If we both get in.."

"You're gonna get in." I muttered. "Don't worry." He sighed, shrugging.

"If we both get in, I promise I'll be there for her to make sure she's okay. And.. maybe when she comes back.. it'll be time for you two again. But you need to give her that chance. She needs that chance. Jake, we're all she's ever known. She needs the chance to jump too."

"But.. what if she never comes back?"

"Then.. it was never meant to be." My heart sunk. If I was sure about anything, my entire life, it was that her and I were always meant to be. There was just something about it, something that I felt deep within me, something that drew me to her with my entire being. I didn't know much, but I did know one thing, and it was that I have always been hers.

"You promise me that you'll take care of her at school?" I asked. He nodded.

"Just.. please don't let anything happen to her. I.. I've heard about.. the kind of shit that happens, and.. the idea of something happening to her.."

"I won't let anything happen to her. I promise." I nodded, kicking at the loose pavement.

This wasn't fair.

Why did it it have to come to this?

Why couldn't we just.. be together?

I never wanted to hold her back, and.. I didn't think that I was. Not until she said all of those things..

And I never wanted her to put me above herself.

She should always come first.

"Have you ever read anything she's written?" He asked. I shook my head, feeling my cheeks burn. She had never shared anything with me, but I hoped when she was done that she would.

"No.." I finally said. "Have you?" He nodded, avoiding my eyes.

"She's really good, Jake. She could really do this." My heart sunk. She shared her stuff with him, but not me?

"W-what does she write about?" He sighed.

"You, mostly." He said begrudgingly. "You mean a lot to her, Jake. She.. she writes you.. so beautifully. I.. I can't say it doesn't hurt, seeing just how.. deeply she feels, and I know that.. there's a lot she leaves out when she shows me, and.. I'm thankful for that. But just know.. she's gonna get in too. I'm sure of it. And.. you can't give her any reason to doubt going. She needs to go, and she needs to be great too. She's dedicated her entire life to helping us, to helping her mom, and now.. we have to help her, in any way we can. She deserves it. And.. it's gonna hurt at first but.. she'll thank you one day."

I peeked back into the van, now seeing she had turned over, clutching my jacket, hiding her face within it. I hoped at least some of her sweet smell lingered, so when she was gone at least I could carry a small part of her with me for as long as I could.

"It's the best thing for her, Jake." He sighed. I nodded, holding my stare on her.

"Okay."