And just like that, he was there.

Just like always.

I'm sure with the way Jake had stormed off into their room, Josh had to have known what happened. I'm sure by this point, the entire hotel probably knew what had happened. But despite how much it hurt right now, I knew that it had to happen.

no. but I will be.

do you want to talk about it?

There really wasn't anything to talk about, now it was just about accepting the pain of it being over, and doing my best to move on, I guess.

It's funny how heartache works; you knew it was the right thing to do, because in the end you knew you weren't happy, and yet the second it's over, all you can seem think about were the good times. Every time he made you smile, every time he made your heart skip a beat. It suddenly made me understand how someone could keep going back to a situation, despite knowing just how wrong it was. The thought of all the "rights," no matter how far and few, will always make you think it was so much better than it really was, and maybe you had made a mistake by ending it.

But I couldn't trick myself into thinking I had made the wrong decision.

no.

I just wish you were here.

But even if he was, nothing could happen. I just automatically felt better when he was around, no matter what we were doing. Whenever I felt like this, he was the first person I wanted to call, he was the one I wanted comforting me, telling me it was going to be okay, because the only time I actually believed it was when it came from him.

you know I can't. he'll know exactly where I'm going.

I know.

And he was right. Before anything, he was Jake's brother. And I understood that. It just hurt when he would always be my number one, but I never knew who he was going to put first.

I'm so sorry you're hurting, Jaime.

I just don't want to think about it anymore.

okay. but you know if you need to, you can always talk about it with me. I promise. It's okay.

thank you

He went back and forth between typing and stopping, making me wonder what he could possibly be saying, and then deciding to take back. I was now starting to second guess the heart, wondering how he had taken it.

There was no doubt that if anything did happen with Josh and I again, we would have to take things slow. Extremely slow. Unbearably slow. Because our biggest problem was that we jumped into things too fast, and who could blame us. We were excited and we were in love and wanted the rest of our lives to start right then and there. But that's not how it worked, and we knew that now. And if we tried again, I wanted us to get it right this time, whatever that meant for us.

I put my phone down on the end table, rolling over and hiding my face in my pillow as I felt more tears come to my eyes, eventually turning into a wave of sobs again. I hated this. How could something that should be so simple become so complicated? How could we go from so right to so wrong?

I thought back to one of the first nights Jake snuck over, where we just spent the night talking as he sat at my computer desk, not wanting to get too close too soon, despite just how badly I wanted him to be as close as possible.

I spun my ring around my finger a few times before eventually taking it off, placing it next to my phone. I wouldn't be surprised if he had already taken off both his ring and his bracelet, and he had probably lost the scrunchie ages ago. I hadn't seen it in a while, which was disheartening. It was one of my favorites.

I unhooked my bracelet, flipping it over to see the engraved backing again.

And then I remembered.. we had never gotten his done. As if I couldn't feel any worse. He had definitely already taken it off.

I hated how I was already starting to second guess myself. Was this really something I wanted to do? After all these years of wanting him, was I really ready to throw it away just like that? I'm sure if I just went over there-

No. I couldn't. That was it.

And it was for the best.

And then I heard my phone vibrate again.

always

I couldn't help but smile, wiping my eyes as I sat back up. It was so funny how much those two little hearts could mean to me now, coming from him.

stop it, jaime why? because lol you know why

He always knew how to make me laugh, especially at times like this.

sorry you should get some sleep I'm trying to but some cute boy keeps texting me.

He was quiet again for a few minutes, typing and stopping..

well, tell him to stop. you just got out of a relationship and I get jealous easily lol

I felt my face get hot as I caught myself now laughing at my phone.

you do?

you know I do, Jaime.

you never had any reason to be. no one could ever compare to you.

Another long silence.

stop it don't start that again lol sorry you're probably right.

I am right lol I'll see you tomorrow okay? I'll come and get you in the morning.

promise?

I promise.

He was so cute.

Oh, how I loved him.

okay you're stalling lol

I am not!

stop texting me! you're making me smile like an idiot and they're gonna get suspicious.

okay i'm sorry. goodnight goodnight I'm turning off my phone lol

alright alright lol i'll see you tomorrow

And then he was quiet again. I couldn't help but smile, placing my phone back down on my end table. I don't know what I would do without him. I couldn't imagine now being hundreds of miles away from home, going through this alone.

I'm sure the rest of the tour, or however much longer I was going to be out here on the road with them, was going to be insufferable. Part of me wondered if I should just head home. It would be better for Jake and I to be apart for a little while, and if nothing was going to happen between Josh and I for the time being, it wouldn't make a difference if I was here or not, right?

But even still, I would miss him so much. Right now I at least still had the luxury of seeing him everyday, and that's all I really wanted, regardless of where we stood.

And then I heard my phone start to vibrate, over and over..

I peeked over to see the photo of Jake and I saved popping up on my screen. My heart dropped. He was really calling me already? I sat up, watching as it rang, wondering if I should even answer it.

No. I shouldn't. We just needed a break from each other. Anything else could ruin everything. But what if something was wrong? What could possibly be wrong. I'm sure he was fine. He was just calling to tell me how much of a mistake I was making. I'm sure he wasn't handling it well.

From what I had seen over the years, Jake was always the one who did the "breaking up." He had never known how it felt to be "dumped" before and I'm sure he was just calling to try and make it seem like it was actually his idea all along. Whatever he wanted, I knew it would only make everything worse if I answered. I watched it ring until my screen went black.

Followed by a voicemail from him.

And a text.

And another.

And another.

Those could wait until morning.

They weren't going to change anything now.

I flipped my phone over, grabbing one of the pillows and pulling it up against my chest, and just for a moment, pretending it was that night back at their house. After spin the bottle when Josh had brought me upstairs to his room, and we fell asleep together in his bed. I could almost smell him on the sheets, his familiar clean, fresh scent.

What I would give to have him here right now.

And then I heard my phone vibrate again.

There was no way he was still texting me.

Why couldn't he just leave me alone.

After everything he could at least just give me that.

I grabbed it, flipping it over.

My heart jumped.