- December 9 2016.

I stepped out of the small record shop i was working in.

"You need a walk home?" Collin asked

I shook my head and humbled a thank you

I started walking it was raining of course cause it was winter and i was in the UK.

I made my way towards my flat and stepped in

I stood in the lift for a while until the doors opened,

I unlocked the door from my apartment and stepped in putting my coat off and laying my keys on the kitchen table pouting myself a glass of red wine.

The radio was still on, i never put it off

"Coming out of my cage and I've been doing just fine gotta gotta be down cause I want it all

It started out with a kiss how did it end up like this" i sang softly to myself making my way towards the living room

"It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss

Now I'm falling asleep and she's calling a cab

While he's having a smoke and she's taking a drag now they're going to bed-" i sang again but got cut of by my phone

"Hello Becky" i said with a sigh

"Your in the middle of something?" She asked

"No, what's up lid?" I asked "haven't seen you in a while, you fancy coming to your favorite bar tonight?" She asked

I looked at the time "sure see ya in a bit, do i need to pick ya up?" I asked "yeah that would be nice cheers liddddddd" she said

"Bye Becky" I said hanging up

I grabbed my phone walking into the bathroom brushing my hair and teeth

I didn't bother doing my make up over so i walked into my bedroom grabbing a blue nice jumpsuit and black high heels walking out of my apartment

I messaged Becky saying that i was on my way

I walked out of my flat and opened my car hopping in, i turned on the radio and heard a song that i haven't hurt in a long time

Someday by the strokes

There was something familiar about it though

Then i remembered, van and me danced to this song.

I sighed and started my car speeding off

-

"Ello mate" I said as Becky opened the door

"You look gorgeous" she whispered

"Oh why thank you" I chuckled

She closed the door and walked towards my car

Suddenly a window opened revealing her brother and a couple friends

"Oi oi lexi" he said "shut up you wanker before mam comes home to read you before you go to sleep!" Becky said hopping into the car

Her brother looked taken back and then looked at me "you know that's not-" he started

"I don't even care Brandon mate" i chuckled opening the door of my car "have a class night you" he said i looked again at him "you got a girlfriend right?" I asked he nodded "correct" he said "and your twenty right?" I asked he nodded "the fuck is wrong with ya then?" I asked he groaned closing the window

I got into my car and speed off

"Ready for a fun night?" She asked me

"What do you have planned?" I asked

"Nothing special just a little surprise" she said smiling

I nodded "right"

-

We arrived at the bar and walked in

i sat down "I have to use the toilet" Becky said i nodded ordering a beer

Becky got back with a guy by her side

He looked familiar as he got closer

"Remember Bob?" She asked me smiling

I frowned, if Bob was here, was van here also?

"Uh yeah- of course i do, alright Bob?" I asked him he nodded shaking my hand "fine thank you" he whispered sitting down

"Van and Larry couldn't come, they were busy recording but maybe later they'll come" Bob said i nodded and looked at Becky with a look that said 'this was the surprise?' I raised my eyebrow and then took a sip of my beer

"Benji and bondy are here in a bit" he then said

-

It was 2 am and i was tired as hell

"I'm going home yeah?" I said to them they nodded "can i come and sleep over at yours?" She asked "yeah fine goodnight" i said walking out of the bar

I pulled my jacket closer around my body and sighed

I turned around and saw, yeah i saw van

But he was older, well he looked older

His hair was older that made him look more mature and his clothing style changed slightly

Those kinda things "ello Lexi" he said with a ciggy in his left hand

"Hello" I said lighting a fag "you alright?" He asked "yeah excellent" I lied with a nod

"That's good" he whispered "what you doing here in London?" I asked "work innit" he chuckled "like last time" i said he nodded

"Like last time" he whispered looking at me

"I'm going home goodnight van" I said not looking at him "goodnight love" he said

I was furious, how could he act like nothing happened

We kissed danced he wanted me

And now all he could say was 'ello'

He didn't even explain why he didn't say goodbye to me

I walked home in the rain and sat down on my bed

Why didn't he say goodbye?

That was the question spinning around in my head

- a week later

"You late" Collin said as i walked in the record shop "can you not?" I asked him with a sigh

"Rough night?" He asked me i nodded sitting down "yeah you can say that" I whispered looking at him "I'm sorry for that" he said " nah, you aren't" I chuckled standing up

"I am" he said still looking at me

"Cheers i guess" i whispered taking a sip of my coffee looking at him he nodded "till how late are ya here?" I asked him "five why?"

"Can't ya stay a little longer?"

He chuckled

"Why would i?"

"Cause, I'm not feeling well" i whispered

"Till how late?" He asked

"Six."

"Okay."

I smiled and thanked him "under one condition" he said i turned around and looked at him "yeah what?" I asked "I'll take you out on Friday eh?" He asked "sure" I whispered

- 5 pm

I made my way towards becky's house

I opened the door and walked in seeing her brother stood in the kitchen "oi oi brand where's ya sister?" I asked him "I don't know, isn't she suppose to be with you?" He asked looking confused "no why?" I asked him tossing my keys on the kitchen counter before sitting down "cause she told me she was at yours mate" he said looking at me

"She's just out, she has other friends too you know" I said he nodded

I grabbed my phone and unlocked it and messaged her

To becky x

Eh mate where ya at?

I looked at Brandon "anyways you aren't out? How come?" I asked him lifting my feet off the ground making them land on the table he sat down opposite me

"Going out has been shit lately" he whispered looking at me with a weak smile

I knitted my eyebrows together and made my feet land on the ground again "mate we're in England, we have lots of good bars and that" i said he nodded "yeah i know but like, i have this kinda thing for a girl-" he started, i started laughing "lad your twenty' come on then!" I exclaimed "she's older then me, she's fucking twenty six" he said my eyes grew wide

"She's fucking twenty si-" I started

"Ello!" I heard a voice say, it was his mam

"Hello Ellen" I said standing up as Brandon turned around to look at his mother

"Hello love, you want some tea?" She asked

I looked at my phone

- one new message

"I'd love to stay but i gotta go really, becky's at mine she's asking me where i am" i lied hugging Ellen "ah come back soon though, we don't see you enough 'round anymore" she said smiling "I will Ellen, goodnight yous" I said smiling "night darlin" Ellen said putting her coat off "night lid" Brandon said

I walked out of the door and looked at my phone

From : becky x

I'm at bob's hotel you wanna come? I'll text you the address xxx

I looked up from my phone and walked towards my car and called her

"Ello lid" I said "where ya at" she asked

"Your house" I said hopping in my car

"You kidding me? Is me mom home?" She asked "she just got here, ya brother was wondering where you were though" I said starting my car "you told him?" She asked "course i didn't message me the address I'm on my way" I said hanging up

I drove off and looked at my phone

I got the address and arrived at the hotel ten minutes later

I looked at the numbers "5o8" I whispered to myself I knocked on the door

After a minute Larry opened it "oi oi Lexi long time no see innit?" He said smiling

I hugged him and nodded "yeah, yeah it is" I whispered, he changed a bit as well

His hair shorter it made him look very different

"Come on in" he chuckled i smiled and walked in seeing becky on the couch, her head on bob's lap laughing at something he said

I saw bondy as well, he hasn't changed a bit

Van was there as well, sitting in a white chair looking at me just then i realised i was staring a little too long

"Ello" I said with a small smile

"You came!" Becky said obviously drunk

"I did" I chuckled walking towards her

I hugged her and greeted everyone

The only spot that was free was next to van

I made my way towards the chair and sat down next to him Larry sitting on the ground

"Oh sorry mate you sat here?" I asked her

"Yeah but no worries it's fine you can sit there ladies first" he said smiling i smiled at him

Such a gentleman "you sure?" I asked he nodded lighting a ciggy

- van's pov

She sat next to me chatting with Larry

I looked at him and how he seemed to enjoy to look at her, but who wouldn't

The reason why i didn't call her was, i couldn't

I knew she didn't want me and it made no sense calling her

I thought about her lots though, she didn't seem to leave my mind

She then looked at me "alright?" I asked her she nodded "yeah thank you" she whispered looking in front of her again

"How have you been?" I asked her

"What do you mean?"

"The last couple of twelve months?"

"Good"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

I nodded, she definitely didn't feel the same

But I still did.

- 12 am

I sat there when a beer in my hand

"You wanna go for a smoke?" I asked her

She nodded standing up

We stood on the balcony I lighted my fag

"What have you been doing?" She asked me

"Touring, writing songs and that" I said

She nodded "and you?" I asked "working as always" she chuckled sitting down looking at the view "it's beautiful innit?" I asked her joining her she nodded

The view didn't bother me, she did

She could beat the view in everyone's eyes

I sighed lighting a spliff "want a drag?" I asked her "I stopped" she whispered "smoking as well?" I asked she nodded "I now hate the taste of it" she whispered "you changed didn't you?" I asked looking at her "yeah but for the better" she said looking at me "glad you feel better then" I said she nodded looking at me for a moment but shook her head standing up

"I'm gonna go inside" she whispered

I nodded she walked inside

Why didn't I tell her why I didn't call?

There was this awkward vibe hanging around us

I walked back inside seeing that she wasn't there

"Where's Lexi?" I asked "she's home" becky said "why?" I asked "don't know mate" she whispered

I walked out of the hotel and saw a car starting

I stood in front of it was her car

I saw her gripping the handlebar tighter with her hands

I hopped into her car sitting next to her in silence

"Why are you in my car?" She asked

"Why have you been acting cold towards me?"

She shook her head with a non- humor chuckle

"Well?" I asked her looking at her

"Im just the same towards you?" She said

"Well that's true but we both know-" I started but got cut off

"Van please" she said with a sigh

"What's the matter Lexi honestly?" I asked her

She didn't answer

"I have done nothing wro-" I started

"Well you probably won't care of course cause you would have called me in these twelve months!" She then said

I looked at her

"Lexi-"

"Why didn't you call?" She said with a sad expression looking at me

"Cause-"

"You know what? It doesn't even matter van" she said

"Let me explain-"

"No van why would i? It doesn't matter" she said looking at me

"Just give me a minute-"

"Goodnight van" she said coldly looking at the road in front of her

"Christ" I sighed getting out of the car before she drove off

I haven't stop thinking about this shit since I've been away

every hangover my head feels

every ex I didn't treat right

every Monday I called in sick

every argument I let slide

Christ, I wasn't ever going back to thinking straight

-

-

Thanks for reading!

Goodnight x