I used my lungs to breathe in the air from the summer that encircled us where we sat so peacefully on the wooden bench.

There was nothing awkward between the two of us, but the silence slowly started to overwhelm me.

I wanted to speak with him so badly, but I didn't want to ruin his embracing moment with the fresh outdoor air.

Patiently, I sat there while I picked my nails. I tried to focus on the beautiful choir of birds that sang so delectably for us. But it was hard for me not to fade away in the thoughts of what we did earlier.

I wondered what it felt like for him. Did he think about it as well? Maybe that was the reason why he was so quiet?

I began to bite the skin of my cuticle as a shower of insecurity ran over my body. My heart skipped a beat.

What if he regretted it? Maybe that was the reason why he was so quiet?

My stomach turned, and the atmosphere suddenly turned into something a lot more tense and intriguing.

I knew that he couldn't read my mind, but the air between us was touchable right now. It was like an electric string floated around in the air in front of us, reaching to strike one of us and painfully vibrate with electricity through the choice of body.

I bit my tongue. I wanted him to break the silence. I wanted him to calm me down with his soft voice to make sure that everything was as perfect as before. I needed him to tell me that he didn't regret anything about what happened before.

And then.

"Beverly?"

My eyes widened with relief, and I looked up at Brandon.

"Yes, Brandon," I answered him.

He got quiet again, but this time only for a couple of seconds.

"Do you still think that I'm a monster?" His voice was low and husky, and I think he spoke that low with purpose because he didn't want Frank to hear him.

His question shocked me. What should I answer?

Nothing about what happened between us, changed the fact that he was a brutal killer. He still had performed extremely graphic crimes, and he was still a very violent and dangerous man.

He killed a pregnant woman, and a child...

Nothing from his past changed because he was here with me. None of his actions got justified just because he was being nice to me.

I swallowed hard as I figured out what to say.

"No, Brandon. I don't think you're a monster," I say as I sigh out and decide to form my lips with a shy smile.

The dimples in Brandon's cheeks get visible as he does the same. Sometimes I forgot that he was actually as able to smile as any other person.

My stomach turned as he grabbed his bottom lip between his teeth to get rid of the smile on his face. A second was enough time for him to expose himself with a bit of emotion.

"I knew you were different,"

He kept his face grave as he spoke to me again.

I was actually glad that he thought so. It made me feel proud, like I had accomplished something that nobody else seemed to settle.

Suddenly, everything felt so much better again, and the insecurity left my body together with the heavy lump that was placed inside of my belly.

I breathed out again to clear my caught-up lungs from the anxiety.

Once again, we let the silence take over, and the surrounding air turned from intense, to something softer and passionate again...

But then, much sooner than I had expected, I heard Frank's voice from behind us.

"It's time,"

I knew this would disappoint Brandon, but we didn't really have much of a choice but to follow Frank's footsteps and head inside again.

I nodded my head at Frank to show him that I heard him before I looked back at Brandon who sat beside me.

While turning his head in my direction, he showed me that he also just heard what Frank said.

We walked the way over the green grass back to the big door to finally get inside the hospital after two very special hours on the outside of it...

I couldn't believe I had just had sexual intercourse with Brandon.

I shared myself with him, in the most intimate way. I allowed him to take a piece of me, a piece that only one other person had got from me.

My feelings completely took over my otherwise obedient brain, and there was nothing I could've done to stop it.

It was too late when he grabbed me with his big, warm, and rough hands under my thighs to lift me up and kiss me passionately against the wall in the empty shed.

It was too late now, because it all had already happened.

No matter what I believed, there was not very

much I could do about the actual truth.

The only thing I could make sure, was that no one would ever get to know about it.

Ever.