My whole night was spent with panic attack after panic attack, and out loud crying on my living room floor after the most traumatic day of my life since my childhood.

The picture of Brandon and how he stuck that sharp, obtuse, black lead pencil inside of Joseph's delicate neck, was running on repeat on the inside of my already messed up head.

It was still so hard to believe how Brandon could do such a thing in front of my eyes, how he could even do something like that at all, after everything he had been through and after everything he told me in our meetings.

I thought it had come to my understanding that he wasn't a cold-blooded, psycho-killer.

He just took action after what someone did to his family, as a reaction of anger, sorrow, sadness, and fear.

He wanted to hunt down the murderer of his own mother and siblings so bad that it got too far. But otherwise, he was not evil, he didn't enjoy killing people and he would never have done it if it wasn't for his stepdad who destroyed him.

Or at least that was what I thought.

Apparently, everything I thought about him proved me wrong at this horrifying moment. He was just that psychopath everyone else saw him as, he was just as manipulative and persuasive as everyone told me.

I just fell for it, so completely deep that I even fell for him.

I shared myself with him, even my nudity and intimacy, every inch of my thin, innocent body and delicate skin, I shared with him like I was his belonging.

I started to trust him, I felt sympathy and pity for him, and I even started to care for him genuinely.

I was so angry with myself. How could I be so naive? I was warned about him before I even met him.

I could read him like a book the first time I spoke to him which made me promise myself to never fall for anything he would say or do.

But here I was, wrong about everything. Wrong about myself and wrong about Brandon...

I walked with slow steps through the dark, damp, and empty corridor and I kept my eyes on the floor.

I didn't want to risk getting eye contact with anyone, I didn't have the urge or the capacity to talk or even smile at someone, I just wanted to do my job in the best way possible.

My heart was pounding through my chest and I felt so ill that I almost wanted to throw up, but I managed to keep myself steady by tying my fists as hard as I could while I tried to keep the focus on my breathing.

The silence in the corridor was torturing enough to contribute to the rough anxiety and the humid air made it even harder to let go of the horror.

I had never been down here before, which made it appear even more foreign and scary than it already was.

In front of me was now a big, metal door with a small shutter in the height of my chest, and an engraved, small text with the words "The mind - the true solitary".

I didn't know why those words were written at all. Maybe it was for the nurses to feel better about throwing the patients inside of the solitary cells? Or maybe it was ironically, a calming veracity for the patients to realize that being stuck inside their insane brains, probably was worse than being locked up in that dark, cold, tiny, and lonely black hole?

Either way, I thought it was bizarre to engrave a quote like that at all on a cell door in a mental hospital.

Even if it was old, and the doors probably hadn't been switched in decades, the whole situation made me shrug with discomfort and disrespect.

"Nurse Frazier, are you ready?" I heard Frank say behind me.

I noticed how I must have floated out in my thoughts.

I looked at the broad, tall man and nodded my head insecurely at him before he took a step forward to enter the cell before me.

I swallowed hard and took one last deep breath of nervousity before I walked behind Frank into the dark cellar.

In the corner of the chilly, damp room on the dirty floor, hugging his knees with his back against the wall, he sat.

His beautiful face was sharp and you could see in his eyes that he had been crying, his hair was messy and his white clothes were dirty from the dusty, soggy floor.

He looked so destroyed and torn down.

I bit my lip as a try to hold the tears in when I looked at him.

His eyes got bigger the moment they met with mine but he kept quiet to show obedience.

"Hello, Brandon," I said with a raspy, unstable voice as I approached him.

I wanted to keep my distance from him, but I didn't want him to feel more pent than he already was by staring him out on the other side of the room with Frank standing next to me doing the same.

Brandon slowly rose his eyebrows as he looked at me where I stood in front of him. It pained me only to look at him.

"Beverly" He managed to whisper faintly.

I could notice in his appearance and expressions that he was heavily drugged, which made me feel thankful by the thought that he probably wasn't very aware of the dirty, disgusting, and humiliating hole he was thrown into, but still, it was hard for me to watch him be in that state of mind and totally out of presence.

I tried my best to hold my tears inside while I looked at him like he was the devil himself.

"I'm here to take you to your treatment, Brandon,"

I shrugged as I managed to speak to him.

I didn't know what I should feel at all.

I was not afraid, but a strong presence of disgust and anxiety filled my body up in the most uncomfortable way.

I didn't want to be here, I just wanted to leave and never lay my eyes on that man again.

Even if he was so vulnerable and angel-like as he sat there in the dark corner, my heart could not manage to skip one single beat of passion.

"What treatment?" Brandon grated out with his weak voice as he looked at me with his enormous, brown eyes filled with sorrow.

The conclusion from Ms. Schwartz and the specialist doctors rushed over me with reality as he asked the question.

Once again I had to bite my teeth together and hold my breath tightly to not completely burst out in tears in front of him.

I looked away from his curious, big eyes to be able to answer his question and took a deep breath to fill my lungs with more pain.

"The doctors and Ms. Schwartz have decided to put you in electric shock therapy"