It felt like millions of needles were being stabbed into my chest, repeatedly. My head was pounding and I felt like I was going to die any second.

This wasn't the first time I was having a panic attack. I had the same back when I thought they killed grandma. I had to go through that painful episode all on my own.

I bite my lip, trying to hold back the sobs. I just needed to get out of here.

I take a wobbly step forward, but end up tripping over my own foot, before I can hit the floor a pair of arms wrap around my waist steadying me, his manly scent enters my nostrils, and I hated how it gave me a sense of comfort after how he just treated me.

"Please, no." I choke out, trying to push him away.

"Layla, look at me." He cups my flushed, sweaty cheek, as he lowers his face to mine but I continue to stare down at the floor trying to calm my hectic breathing.

"You knew about this. You knew everything, didn't you?" I ask, finally pushing him away, and stumbling back, and I hear him sigh.

"Layla, stop–"

"Don't tell me what to do!" I yell, slamming my fist back on the table, scraping it.

My lungs were burning up, my heart on the verge of exploding, but I had to force out the words before I finally lose it.

"Yes, I knew." He says, exasperatedly, coming forward again but I slap his hand away, my nails digging into his hand by accident and he lets out a curse.

"You never told me, Why!? Nobody ever tells me anything. This is my life." I scrape my nails against the table. "What else is there? Since you seem to know more about my life than I ever did!" I raise my blurry gaze up at him.

His gaze fills up with guilt and worry, water dripping down from his hair and sliding onto his naked chest. "I'm sorry, Layla."

I take a step forward, shaking my head as I gaze down at her tense, rigid posture. She was trembling excessively, her whole face bright red, veins sticking out from her forehead, neck and temples, as she clutches onto her chest, looking as if she was going to pass out any second.

I reach out for her but she shakes her head rapidly, her wet hair sticking onto her cheeks, as she stares at me with so much pain.

"Love, I'm sorry, I just didn't want to see you hurt, let me help–"

"NO!" She screams, shaking harder. "I bet you attended grandma's funeral as well." Her voice comes out cracked and shaky, as tears continue to pour down her eyes.

"I've had enough of this." She croaks out, and then leans off the table, wincing as she continues to breathe rapidly.

"She's pathetic."

My head snaps up to the voice, meeting Luise's gaze and I glare at her, clenching my fists.

Layla glances at her, blinking a few times, as her face sinks further. "I-I'm not. You." She responds in a shaky voice, a tear dropping from her eye.

Luise lets out a harsh laugh, flipping her hair back, and Gerald clenches his fists, his face turning beet red as she looks Layla up and down, a satisfied smirk making way to her face.

"You know, I'm really proud of what you've become." She tilts her head, looking at her with pure hatred and disgust.

"Ever since you were born. My main goal was to ruin you. And I'm so happy I accomplished it." She grins, pathetically.

"I finally turned you into this weak pathetic bitch I always wanted you to be. You are nothing Layla, nothing but a mistake, Now do us a favour and just kill yoursel–" before I can step forward to sort her out myself, Gerald raises his hand and slams it against her cheek and she lets out a loud cry from both surprise and pain, the force pushing her off her feet and onto the tiled floor.

"Dad!" Heidi gasps out, rushing over to her mothers side.

I turn my gaze back to Layla, who was frozen silent on her spot, her eyes filled with so much hurt from her aunt's words, tears flowing down her cheeks, her eyes glued to the scene as the couple begins to shout at eachother, Heidi crying for them to stop.

Quiet. I needed quiet. But the whole room was filled with dad's and Luise's screaming.

My heart begins to pound harder, threatening to burst out from its ribcage my lungs finally closing up and I begin to gasp for air, more sweat building up around my skin. I quickly rush out the kitchen door with my trembling legs, hearing Killian's voice behind me as he follows me.

I push the exit door open, letting the cold wind woosh against my hot skin, and I try to breathe deeply, bile rising up my throat.

Pain. Pain. Pain. Too much fucking pain.

I step outside, looking up at the dark black sky as I struggle for breaths. "Grandma." I manage to wheeze out, gritting my teeth.

She didn't even try to reach out for me.

Why?

I begin to cry hard, long retched sobs escaping from me as I continue to walk away heading to the grassy field. Once I reach my legs give out and I collapse onto the ground, I sit up clutching the grass with my trembling arms as I feel steps behind me.

"I'm so sorry, love." Killian crouches down next to me, putting a water bottle on the ground, wrapping his arms around my trembling body.

I look up at him, meeting his soft blue eyes filled with worry and pain, some hints of guilt.

"Layla.." He runs his hands against my hair, soothingly. After a couple of minutes, the painful sobs begin to die down and I close my eyes shut, sealing my lips together.

"That's it, love. Just take deep breaths." He tells me in a soothing deep voice, reaching his hands up and slowly cupping my cheeks, brushing his thumbs against my cheekbones. "Deep breaths."

I follow what he said, as he continues to whisper sweet things to me, but as the memories of grandma fills up my mind, my face scrunches up again.

A long sob escapes from my lips as I feel my heart clench painfully, and I begin to breathe heavily again, pushing his hands away as I clutch onto my chest. "It hurts." I sob, trembling again.

"I'm sorry." He presses his lips against my forehead, as I open my eyes meeting his angry gaze, guilt washing over him.

He wraps his arms around me, pulling me closer to me, as he tucks my hair back and away from my face.

"I-I don't want–I d-don't w-want this." I choke out. "No m-more. H-Hurts."

And with that I lurch forward letting out a gag as I throw up all over the grass, while he holds my hair back, running his hand up and down my back.

After emptying my stomach, I lean my back against Killian's chest again, sobbing quietly.

"Here." His arms reaches forward and he hands me a water bottle, after taking the cap off.

I take it, shakily. Putting it to my lips as I take large gulps, the water sliding down my burning throat.

"I-I'm not s-staying." I choke out. "H-Here." I grit my teeth.

"I shouldn't of forced you here anyway." He sighs, and I look up at him, blinking a few times as his jaw clenches. "I'm sorry." He wraps his arms around me, putting his face to my neck.

"I-It's okay." I let out a hiccup. He sighs against my neck, shaking his head.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you earlier. You don't deserve it. I don't deserve you." He grits out. "You're amazing, Layla. Way too good for me." He continues, pulling away from my neck.

"I-It's ok–"

"Layla." He cuts me off, running his hand through his hair exasperatedly, his eyes filling up with remorse.l and after a long pause he speaks again and I almost have a heart attack.

"I'm letting you go." His voice comes out much deeper.

"What?" My voice comes out barely audible, my heart beating harder.

He sighs, looking up at the sky, pursing his lips.

"Killian?" I turn myself around, gripping his thighs to hold myself up, as I stare up at his eyes but he doesn't look at me, his jaw ticking.

"You deserve a better life, you were right." He gulps.

"I regret everything I've done to you. I was selfish, you're so pure, you don't deserve anything I put you through." He runs a hand against his face.

Why did it sound like he was breaking up with me?..

"Killian–"

He puts his finger to my trembling lips, looking down at me. His eyes were filled with emotions and a tear slips from my eye. No..

"You were so strong when I met you." he whispers, and I shake my head.

"Feisty, confident." His eyes close. "I changed that." His voice was filled with guilt.

"No." I croak out. "I was never that. Not on my own anyway." A tear rolls down.

"I had my friends. They were my lean on." I bite my lip from trembling.

"Without them I realised I'm nothing. I'm weak, pathetic. All that I was, was fake." I wipe my tears, the lump in my throat growing.

Killian shakes his head, cupping my cheek as he tilts my chin. His eyes boring into mine.

"It wasn't fake." He whispers. "I still see her. Deep down she's still in there. The strong girl I knew and saw–"

"Killian." I finally let out a sob, trembling harder. "Please.." but he continues.

"I changed that, love. This is all my fault. I..I'm no good for you..." He wipes my tears away.

"N-No, w-wrong." I croak out.

"Y-You h-helped me." I sniffle and he shakes his head with a sad smile.

"I did anything but that." He whispers back, and I sob again, my heart clenching again, I was surprised I didn't die from heart failure yet.

"You don't know." I whisper, shaking my head.

"Layla, you deserve someone better than me.." He sighs as he carasses my cheek, sending a shiver down my spine.

"Someone who'll treat you well. And I.." he sighs, shaking his head. "I can't guarantee I won't hurt you again.." his jaw clenches. "This is for the best.."

"No, p-please." I break down into sobs, clutching onto his arms. "Please, d-don't."

He move his face away slightly, his eyes clouding up as he watches me. "You have your whole life ahead of you, Layla. Go back to your friends, back to England. Have the life you deserve." His jaw clenches. "Isn't that what you want?"

"I want you, too." I sob harder, burying my face into his chest, breathing in his comforting scent, that I knew and loved.

I feel his hand land on my back as he begins to caress it. "I'm sorry love." He sighs.

"I'm messed up. Toxic. Too toxic for you." He continues as tears dribble down onto his shirt. And I clutch onto it, my body shaking from the silent sobs.

"I-I don't care. I still w-want you." I choke out. "Please."

Its silent for a moment.

"Love, you may hate it now but five, ten years from now you'll be grateful." He kisses my wet hair. "You'll be living an amazing life. Without me."

"Stop." I sob harder, shaking my head. "I'm not g-going anywhere."

"Layla." He grunts. "I kill for a living. I do bad things. I am not good for you."

"I don't care." I clutch on to him harder. "I still like y-you. I'll always l-like you."

Killian sighs. "Listen to me love." He pulls my arms from around him tilting my chin up. "You have to do this. Not for me but for yourself."

"No, Killian!" I sob, glaring at him now.

"Why? You're nothing what you're saying. You've always been amazing to me, forget about what happened before. I know you're not always like that. I've seen the good side of you, you deserve as much as I do. We deserve eachother. Now please don't make this mistake, please, Killian."

When he's silent I look up at him, expectantly. Hopefully.

"I'm sorry, Layla.." He whispers, looking away. "Its for the best.."

Anger flares inside of me and I grit my teeth, my nostrils flaring as I begin to breathe heavily. Why is he doing this to me? What did I do to deserve all of this?

"I-I see it now." I grit out. "You d-don't like me anymore." My last words turn into a sob and I take in a deep breath.

His eyes flash darker at my words, his jaw clenching. "I never said that." He grits out.

"You don't have to." I spit back. "It's obvious, all these excuses for me to go back to England. For me to stay away from you." My heart clenched painfully.

"You're s-sick of me, I get it. I'm a drama queen, a c-crybaby." I sniffle, wiping a tear away. "Probably annoy–"

"Have you not been listening to me?" He growls. "Stop putting words into my damn mouth."

His flaming eyes glare into mine and I release a sob, grinding my teeth together. "I don't get it!" I look up at him, my vision blurring and beginning to feel itchy. "It doesn't make–"

"Shall I tell you why you don't get it?" His voice raises, and my mouth closes.

"It's because you're too selfless, you think about anyone but yourself."

I feel my body go rigid from his words, as they begin to ring inside my head. Was it true?

My eyes begin to water up and a strangled sound releases from my lips. "N-No.."

His hard eyes staring through mine, soften slightly. And he cups my jaw.

"Its time for you to think about yourself for once." He speaks much calmer and softly, his thumb grazing below my lashes, his touch still making my stomach do flips and I continue to sob and he sighs.

"Layla, I'll never stop liking you." He says.

"You're an amazing girl. You were the only one who brought light to my darkness." He purses his lips. "As sappy as it sounds, it's true. I don't regret a single moment that I've spent with you. So don't even think that." He presses his lips against my cheek and I let out a whimper.

"I care about you a lot. I know I have a shitty way of showing it but I do." He pushes my hair hair back. "Which is why I'm making this decision, okay?" He stares at me as I hold myself from breaking down again and I guess he notices it as he lets out a sigh.

"I want you to take care of yourself." He continues. "Don't let people push you around and walk all over you. You tend to do that." He says softly, caressing my cheek. "Even with me. I'm a sick bastard, Layla, but that's nothing new." He lets out an empty chuckle.

It takes me a while to find my voice and when I do I say.

"You d-didn't." My voice comes out croaky and weak like my pathetic life. "P-Please–"

"You need to go back to England." He says more firmly.

I remain quiet for a moment, letting the tears roll freely down my cheeks.

He was actually breaking up with me.

My heart. Oh God, my heart.

No.

"Layla?"

I look up at him again, pushing back the tears. No matter how hard it was, how much in pain I was. I had to save it for later. The amount I've cried throughout my life can probably last a normal person two life times. I'm surprised my vision hasn't altered at all.

I bite my trembling lips and shake my head.

"T-This is so s-sudden." I let out a hiccup, standing up on my trembling legs. "And I'm not going back to E-England." I say and his eyes flash with surprise.

At least not yet. Not like this.

"And why's that?"

"Because." I wasn't ready to face them yet. They probably hated me. And I wasn't strong enough to go back to handle it. Not yet. Not now.

I need to fix myself. He's right.

"Are you still–" I gulp. "A-Are we still f-friends?"

"No."

Ouch.

"We can't be."

"Fine." My vision blurs again, and I grit my teeth. "Bye." I turn.

"Layla, wait." He sighs. "You know this is for the best right?" He asks, softly.

"No, it's not." I lick my salty lips, my back still towards him. "You don't know what's best for me, but i-it's okay, it's fine." I push my hair back. And when he's silent I speak again.

"I'll just go to L-Luca's." I then state. "If he doesn't mind." And after a while he responds in a firm tone.

"Going back to England will be the best option–"

"No!" I immediately cut him off, angrily.

"Stop trying to get rid of me!" I hiss out, as I whip my head to him and his blue eyes flash with surprise.

I was letting the hurt get the best of me. Control..

I take a deep breath..

"I'm not leaving Killian. N-Not yet." I speak much calmer. Gulping the lump in my throat. "I'll call L-Luca now."

His jaw clenches, as he glares at me before tearing his gaze away and elsewhere.

I continue to watch him, with trembling lips. "I'm sorry." I whisper and he just lets out a puff of breath, still not looking at me.

He doesn't say anything else..

So I take it as my leave.

Turning around slowly, I slowly make my way back to the mansion, releasing the tears I kept for about a minute.

A pathetic side of me was wishing, hoping he'll call out to me. Tell me this is a mistake.

But he doesn't. He just lets me walk away while he continues to sit there lost in his own world.

This was really it.

We didn't last longer than a month but it still hurt. So much. No matter what he said. I'd still like him. But I guess this was fate. Punishing me, yet again.

I continue to walk, the wind whipping my hair back and burning the spots were the tears continued to pour down.

I pull out my phone dialling Luca's number. It rings eight times before it accepts and I release a shaky breath.

"Tesoro?" I hear Luca's confused, sleep filled voice after a moment.

And after some silence I manage to force myself to speak.

"L-Luca, I..." I croak. "C-Can you please pick me up?"

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What do you think of the chapter? What do you think should happen next?

Would really appreciate your patience. ♥ have a good day/night. 😇