If you have read sinners never sleep

then don't forget to watch the video above

(it made me cry and weep)

and give the maker lots of love

The boys had shoved the food to the side when their tummies were filled and their bodies were tired and warm by stuffing their faces with too much food to handle. Now they were cuddled up against each other on the blanket, watching the sun set behind the hills in the west. The stars appeared one by one when the sun moved away more and more. Taehyung smiled as he held Jungkook's hand, guiding him to where the North Star was situated. He giggled once his boyfriend got excited by finding the brightest star, keeping his finger pointed to said star so he wouldn't lose it.

"Jungkook", the younger asked, breaking the once comfortable silence after they were done stargazing.

The older hummed, playing with Taehyung's fingers that were intertwined with his.

"You know I'm a curious boy", the younger began, thinking this might be the right moment, "And I know you promised to tell me about your past but if you don't want to anymore then I totally understand. But I realized- I never told you about myself so I feel like I should".

Jungkook glanced at his boyfriend, seeing how the other had his eyes closed and a content smile on his pretty face. This made him smile himself and stare back at the starry sky, waiting for the other to continue.

"You remember when we first met? You told me it was bad wearing such a thick coat when it was warm out? And then you told me I looked like a ten year old". He chuckled at the memory. "And you might have been wondering why I've been acting so childish all the time. You've never judged me for it, something most people would do since an eighteen year old should be mature already". He looked at the precious man laying beside him who had never spoken a harsh word to him & never judged him for anything. "And I really appreciate you for that. But I never told you why and I think when you're in a relationship you need to know a lot about the other".

Jungkook turned his head and caught the other's soft gaze. They both smiled at each other and the older squeezed the other's hand in reassurance making the other sigh softly and turn back at the sky.

"I told you I never got to know my mom right? Well that's because my mom died giving birth to me. There were some complications during her pregnancy and the doctors had told my parents that the chances of my survival were very low. They advised them to break off the pregnancy when they still had the chance since it was still possible. But my parents were willing to give me a chance. Getting an abortion would be guaranteed to me dying, and there was still a chance I could survive. So my parents refused and were willing to wait and see how it'd turn out".

"But they hadn't expected that the complications I was having could also affect my mom. She was brought into the hospital six weeks before her due date and was told that her baby was about to be born. They had no idea if I would make it since it was way too soon for her to go into labor. Though my mom got into a labor and four hours later I was there. But sadly my mom wasn't. My father got the news that his son was alive but that his wife had passed away giving birth to the baby", Taehyung said, closing his eyes at the ever reoccurring thought that he had killed his mom. It was his fault she was dead now. But he refused to cry and continued with a slightly wavering voice, "I was stuck in the hospital in an incubator for a few weeks until my father was allowed to take me home. Being a prematurity baby comes along with a few issues such as having difficulties maintaining body heat aka being cold all the time as you have noticed already. I have higher risks getting sick, that's why I always wear thick clothing even though everyone thinks that it's warm out".

"Oh", Jungkook nodded, after the younger had stopped talking, "That explains a lot... I'm sorry to hear about your mother. But she took a risk and it wasn't for nothing. You're a beautiful smart boy with a kind heart. She'd be proud of you if she could see you now".

Taehyung smiled, blinking back the tears, "T-Thank you Jungkook", the lump in his throat tightened and the first tears rolled down. Biting back the sobs he continued,, "I-I never f-felt like I had a re-al childhood since my f-father was locked a-away or wo-working away his sadness most of the t-time and the m-maids weren't here at first- I think th-that got me into little space. It brought me h-happiness in the smallest of things a-and it didn't remind me of the f-fact I was the c-cause of my f-father's grief".

The older frowned and wiped away the tears rolling down the other's cheeks, "Taehyung-"

"I-I killed my mom Jungkook", Taehyung cried, cutting off the boy's words, "I'm t-the reason she's dead now".

"It's not your fault", Jungkook spoke, getting himself into a sitting position before pulling the younger into his lap, "It really isn't". He felt the other cry against him, the small frame trembling with every sob he made. The gardener quickly closed his arms around the small boy and made soothing circles on the boy's back to calm him. They stayed like that until the younger boy's breath stabilized again. Once Taehyung had finally ran out of tears, staring at the wet patch he had made on the older's shirt he felt Jungkook place a kiss on his head. He weakly smiled and cuddled back against his boyfriend, feeling the large hand run up and down his back.

"You were wondering why I have been acting so strange right? You remember that day when I didn't came to work and cried while reading disney stories?"

He felt his little boyfriend nod against him.

"It was around the time of the year that my little brother died", Jungkook sighed, placing his chin on top of the younger's head and hearing the other gasp, "He died at home. He died because of me".

"Wha-what happened?", Taehyung asked in a small voice, afraid he'd push the older into saying things he didn't want to say.

"I was home alone with my brother. And my mom had told me to give him a bath. So I did. But as I was washing him, the post man came around to give me a package", Jungkook sighed, closing his eyes to block out the image of his brother, "So I stood downstairs talking to him, hearing my little brother call for me but I couldn't go to him, and accepted the package after signing some stuff. And once I got back upstairs I found him. Dead".

"Did he drown?", Taehyung spoke out in shoch. He slowly gulped and pulled back out of the other's embrace to look into his boyfriend's eyes, "Is that why you were so afraid of being around me at first? Because you thought something would happen to me too?"

Taehyung remembered how scared Jungkook had looked when he had slipped too far into little space when they had their last sleepover. Jungkook had resigned that night when he saw how hurt the younger had gotten- and thinking it was his fault- he had fled back home. And just a few days ago when they had to babysit that little girl and Taehyung had almost left her alone to play outside, Jungkook had come back out screaming not to leave the kid alone. It had seemed strange in that moment but it all started to make sense now.

"The whole town blamed me for his death. But my mom defended me and then got all the blame put on herself. She shouldn't have left her stupid son alone to take care of her youngest. Who lets dumb Jeon Jungkook take care of someone when he can't even take care of himself? He should've just gone to that boarding school for special children like him. The ones without a future".

"You're not stupid Jungkook", Taehyung spoke softly, intertwining his hand with the older's.

"The doctors said otherwise", the gardener mumbled as he averted his gaze to the side. Taehyung frowned and grabbed the other's chin to make him look at him.

"Sure, they can measure how high or low your IQ is. But you know what they don't measure? The size of your heart. And that's something I value more. I don't care if you can't solve some math solutions or know of what molecules oxygen is made of. What has that to do with real life? If someone is kind or selfless that will impress people more. That's how you impressed me", Taehyung smiled, pecking the gardener's nose, "No genius around the world could impress me more than you can".

A small smile appeared on the older's lips and he dove in for a kiss, just so the younger wouldn't be able to see his upcoming tears.

"I love you Kookie", Taehyung spoke between kisses, tangling his fingers in the other's soft brown hair.

"I love you too Tae".

🌸🌼🌺

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