{15 After the fansign (Yoongi POV)

Yoongi POV

Slowly I took another sip of wine and sighed. I had planned to work on song lyrics tonight, but I was just staring at the screen blankly. I usually don't drink wine while working, but tonight I made an exception. It was because of her, I couldn't get her out of my head. I knew that what I had said to her had hurt her.

Badly.

I knew it because I had felt it too, I had felt her anger towards me, her conflicted feelings, everything of it. I took another sip of wine, bigger this time. When I closed my eyes I could still see the look on her face when I grabbed her wrist, her eyes had been wet like she was on the verge of crying, but she was strong because I don't think she ever cried that day I think I would have known. Me on the other hand, I was not that strong. While thinking about her again, unknowingly a tear had crept down my face.

I had tried over and over again to tell myself it was for the best. It was better this way, the idol life is harsh. She would crumble under it, or wouldn't she? Was it fair to make that choice for her? I couldn't help but wonder. I took another big sip, it burned a little in my throat. It felt good, so good I took another gulp. Another tear crept down my face, I wiped them away with my sleeve. I was not going to cry! I was not going to cry! I am a man, I can take this. But it felt like I had betrayed her by sending her away and hurt her badly. Somehow it felt like I had lost my best friend, but I didn't even know her. How is it possible she already makes me feel like this. Damn, they were right, Soulmate bonding is intense.

I couldn't take it anymore her sad eyes were burned into my mind and tears started pouring out. I quietly sobbed, alone in my hotel room, while gulping down the bottle of wine.

After what felt like an hour but what had been just 20 min someone knocked on my hotel room.

''Go away!'' I yelled back.

''But Hyung?''

I immediately recognized it as Taehyung's he was one of the last people I wanted to see right now/ He's nice and all but he's a hand full and craves a lot of attention, the attention I do not want to give right now.

''I know, leave me alone'' I coldly yelled back.

It stayed silent for a moment and I could picture his disappointed face behind the door. I felt a guilty yelling at him like that, I never really lost my temper like this. Yeah, I was grumpy sometimes, but not like this. I sighed relieved when I heard his footsteps echo down the hall. I wiped my cheeks which were wet again from tears and gulped down the last drops of wine from the bottle. For a moment I considered ordering another bottle but decided against it. Tomorrow we had a concert in Busan, I was already a mess because of her. I didn't need a hangover to go along with it. Maybe a shower and going to bed early would clear my head. The wine had done its work because the room was slightly spinning and I was slightly swaying when I walked to the shower. The shower was a good idea, it felt nice the warm water had calmed me a little bit, but it was a bad decision to look in the mirror afterward. I looked terrible, my eyes were swollen and red it was obvious that I had been crying. Seconds after I had changed into my pajama's there was another knock on my door.

''Taehyung!'' I yelled, ''I already told you I want to be alone tonight!''

Maybe I was being a little bit harsh to the kid but it had been one of the worst days of my life. Or it could also be the wine doing the talking tonight.

''I'm not Taehyung.'' I heard Namjoon say on the other end of the door. ''Are you alright in there, Yoongi?''

Shoot. Taehyung must have said something to Namjoon.

''Yeah, I'm fine, '' I said but my voice came out shaky, raspy and all wrong. It betrayed my emotion within and Namjoon knew. He was the leader for a reason.

''I'm coming in,'' Namjoon said and sure enough, you heard a beep of a card being swept to unlock the door. I softly cursed at the manager for giving the leader the privilege to be able to enter our hotel rooms.

''Wow,'' Namjoon said when he saw you, ''You look like shit, what is going on?''

For a split second, I thought about telling Namjoon everything but decided against it because I knew he would think I had made the worst decision ever. He was not the kind of man to hurt a girl as I had done.

''Nothing is going on,'' I replied coldly.

''Something's going on you have been acting strange the whole day,'' Namjoon replied.

''I'm fine,'' I said with gritted teeth, I wanted Namjoon gone. I wanted to suffer from my own decisions alone. ''I'm just tired, that's all.''

''Yoongi, you know you can talk to me about anything, and I really mean anything.'' Namjoon stepped closer to you and his facial expression changed from worried to extremely concerned.

''Have you been- crying?'' He asked with concern in his voice.

''No, of course not,'' I replied quickly, too quickly. Now he knew I had been crying.

''Look if you don't want to talk about it, that's okay too. but at least tell me if there's something you're going through.'' Namjoon tried to reason with you, ''We have to work as a team, and if one of us is not feeling well it could affect the whole team.''

''Screw you and your team,'' I sneered back.

Namjoon looked at me shocked, I had gone too far. This was definitely the wine talking.

''Yoongi, what is wrong with you?!'' Namjoon yelled and then his eyes fell on the empty bottle of wine at the table, ''Have you been drinking?''

''I- I-'' I started to think of something I could say to make the situation better but there was nothing. ''I- I'm sorry. ''

Namjoon was taken aback by your apology, I am not the type to easily say sorry. I've only said it a few times in my whole life and he knew that.

''Something, something is going on, but I just have to get over it, just give me this night I will be fine tomorrow,'' I said softly almost too soft for Namjoon to hear.

''Okay,'' Namjoon replied, ''But just remember, we are here for you when you want to talk about it and stop drinking. I want you with a clear mind tomorrow at the concert.''

With that Namjoon left the room and as I left alone with my sorrow again. Somehow Namjoon had read the situation perfectly, though you also knew this was not the end. He was leaving you alone, for now. He would be back, asking what was wrong and maybe, maybe then, when I was ready I would tell him how stupid I've been.

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Back with another chapter!! I love this chapter so much! It's my favorite chapter from what I have currently written, it shows how Yoongi's feeling. I seriously cried myself writing this chapter I was so into the story It just got to me. I hope you have enjoyed this chapter as much as I did. Thank you for reading and supporting this story!!!!