"—" she gasped, feeling her throat close up again. "ben. who the hell is ben?!"

gracen's hands began shaking, her breath picking up pace and she tried to uncover the memory from her preconscious mind. gracen was slipping into her other self—the unstable one—again.

but she knew there was a reason she said "ben." there had to be.

"hey, hey—" spencer said in a calming tone. "it's okay. the doctors you said you have serious head trauma, it's not your fault you can't remember-because—because the brain can't—"

"it's not okay!!" she yelled. "what is wrong with me?!" gracen grabbed fistfuls of her hair. her entire body shaking.

"gracen, please—"

gracen couldn't even focus on spencer's voice. she was trying. she was trying so hard—to focus on something else, but then try to remember—all at the same time. she couldn't do it, she just couldn't. it drove her insane.

the walls were closing in. gracen could hear spencer's voice calling out to her, and then a nurse, but it sounded like it was from a whole different dimension. and the dimension that was in was full of blood, screaming, and dead bodies. and ben. he was here too. gracen couldn't see him, but she could feel it. he was a real person, there was someone out there who was killing people. it wasn't her.

"stop—STOP!!" she cried out, at nothing. no one responded. no one wanted to help, anyways. it was only her, the corpses, ben, all in their own dimension. no one could help her here. no one could save her.

then everything went black.

as her eyes opened, she was greeted by a bright light hanging over her and an all too familiar room.

gracen jones let out a bloody scream. she thrashed and kicked in her chair, but it was no use. she was tied up. "LET ME GO! LET ME GO!!!"

"gracen. gracen."

her head snapped to the side and then she saw him. him.

gracen's breath caught in her throat. the man towering before her, his eyes were bright blue—almost gray—and...full of sadness. he looked so sad.

something sparked in the girl. she wasn't scared of this man. reaching out to touch his black hair, she ran his strands through her own fingers. she knew this person.

was this ben?

"gracen!!" the guy yelled out in fear, scaring gracen as he reached out for her, but the scene soon faded away.

he was gone.

"gracen!!! please wake up!!"

she gasped, jolting awake. dizziness hit her head, and she desperately looked around, trying to find the man that was just in her dreams. "where did—"

she was still at the hospital. tears streamed down her cheeks. gracen was so overwhelmed, she couldn't take it anymore—she broke down, sobbing as someone grabbed her shoulders and hugged her. it was cold, they were soaked, but she didn't pay much attention to it.

"gracen..." spencer muttered in her hair. "i'm sorry. i'm so sorry. i don't know what you see when you close your eyes, but i'm so sorry."

her cries became hysterical and she dug her face into his shirt even more, spencer reacting by reaching up and petting the back of her head in a steady and slow pace. he held her close, like a baby.

they stayed like this for a while.

—

spencer smiled as he saw the girl peacefully sleeping on the hospital bed once again. it's been a week since she collapsed onto him that day at the quantico investigation center. yet they had already gotten so close. close enough for spencer to hug her—and spencer hugged no one.

something was stirring inside of him. he felt the strong urge to protect this girl—maybe because she reminded him of his own mother, or maybe it's just because she had been tortured for ten years, and he felt at fault.

or maybe because he just simply wanted to find the serial killer, and fast.

spencer looked at the time. 1:37 a.m. he rubbed his eyes, and snuck another glance at gracen. the genius concluded that he would just stay the night, claiming that he fell asleep when she wondered the next morning. it seemed gracen calmed down quicker when he was there. his heart swelled at the thought but spencer quickly pushed that feeling away.

—

gracen woke up to loud snoring. but she wasn't really focused on that detail.

she didn't have a nightmare last night.

that was the best sleep the girl had gotten in years. a new energy came over her, she suddenly felt like she could do anything.

gracen stretched her tense muscles and hopped off her bed, going to the bathroom and checking her reflection. she looked terrible. it was embarrassing that people had to see her like this.

she fixed herself to look just a little better, and returned to the hospital room where doctor reid was now awake, his hand resting behind his head as he stared straight up into the ceiling.

"you're awake." spencer noticed her presence. his voice was rough and raspy, as if there were still some sleep left in it.

gracen's face flushed and she made her way to the bed, sitting on it in front of him. "yeah."

"how did you sleep, gracen?" his profiler self was back. gracen could tell when spencer reid was trying to get information out of her rather than just having a normal conversation with her. she understood, though. he needed info so that the BAU could get any leads on the guy whose been slashing people's throats.

gracen felt a shiver run down her spine. the guy who killed everyone she loved. she even knew, now, that someone had kidnapped her and held her captive for years. she was sure of it.

ben.

"gra—" spencer called out when she ignored his question, but she quickly interrupted him.

"—i saw someone." she said quietly. "i-in my dreams. before you woke me."

spencer's eyes lit up, like he had been waiting for some useful information. gracen felt a pang in her chest. she wondered if she could ever get his eyes to light up like that when they have just a normal, person to person conversations. but the answer was no.

they were on a client to doctor basis, nothing else.

maybe it was because she hadn't seen anyone in years, and so the first person that comforts her—she hangs onto. it was normal, it had to be normal. gracen rationalized it all, the comforting hugs, the blushes, the feelings.

"gracen?" spencer asked, his eyebrows now furrowed. "are you okay? you keep...spacing out."

"it was a man." she said.

"was it ben?"

gracen bit her lip, looking down at her fingers which were now fiddling with each other. "i...don't know, spencer." she paused, looking up at him. "i wasn't scared of him."

"why weren't you scared of him?" spencer asked. "did you know him?"

the girl nodded. "i remember...wanting to touch him."

spencer's eyebrows furrowed deeper. "intimately, platonically, or with hostility?"

"i-i don't know!" she paused, remembering how she was drawn to the man in her dreams. his beautiful blue eyes, soft black hair, the softness of his lips—

she froze. the wave of realization came crashing down on her. a feeling she recognized all to well by looking at the face of the man in her dreams. the feeling of safety of someone who had always been there for her. there was a strong connection. gracen knew it.

"what's wrong?" spencer asked.

"spencer." gracen whispered, meeting the doctor's eyes that were filled with anticipation.

"i loved him."

—