on the plane ride back, spencer couldn't help but dote on the fact that gracen had invited some guy over while he was on a case. she didn't even answer his texts or calls from before.

they weren't dating. it's not like there were any loyalty rules. but it made spencer's heart ache realizing that gracen only thought of him as just another man she was fooling around with. he wasn't special. but gracen jones made him sure feel like it.

"dammit." spencer agitatedly cursed as he poured boiling hot water on his hand, missing his coffee cup.

"spencer, what's going on?" kate callahan, one of the new agents that joined the bau, asked as she made her way to the back of the jet.

"water." spencer replied plainly, rubbing his hand.

"no, seriously. you've been pissy for the past couple of days while we've been on this case." callahan commented. when spencer didn't say a word, she let out a sigh. "look, i know we're not close or anything, but will you at least tell me what's going on?"

spencer shook his head. "it's nothing."

"is it that girl?"

his head snapped up, clearly confused at how easy it was for her to figure it out. "what girl?"

"come on, morgan and everyone else know that you met someone. prentiss says you act like a teenage boy in love." she deadpanned. "so it is."

"god, i just don't understand why i'm so gullible." he mumbled. "i-i get fooled so easily, which i shouldn't because my iq is literally 187–"

"okay, calm down." callahan placed a hand on his shoulder. "first of all, that's cool. second of all, have you ever tried getting into her mind? you're a profiler, it should be easy to understand what's going on in her head to think like that."

spencer shook his head. "i literally can't figure her out. she's-she's just so—"

"wait wait wait, can you tell me who it is at least?" kate asked.

"gracen jones, she's—" spencer suddenly froze. gulping hard as he realized that no one was supposed to know about gracen, only charis.

luckily, the unfamiliar name didn't ring a bell for callahan because she joined the bau after that case. "there's this thing girls do, spencer, that i think you should know about."

"what is it?" he asked.

"well, girls like to do this push and pull kinda thing. they like it when guys chase after them, like as a test." callahan said. "so don't make any assumptions just yet, alright kid?" she patted his back before leaving, making the woman making her way back to her seat.

"i'm trying." spencer mumbled to himself.

—

it's been three days since she'd come in contact with spencer. gracen ignored his texts and calls, and whenever spencer was seen on the second floor, she would immediately "need to pee."

spencer was more than hurt. he was heartbroken, almost, at the sudden change in gracen. just like that, spencer reid's boosted confidence from before shattered. he felt worthless again, unable to love or be loved.

gracen didn't feel great, either. she hated herself, more than ever, for ghosting spencer like that after all those moments they spent together. those moments that gracen constantly day-dreamed about, wanting to go back into his embrace.

but she couldn't. what was done was done. now, spencer could live his life without the burden of her and be safe. his safety triumphed everything else, for gracen jones.

as the days passed, gracen felt herself slipping back into the darkness of her life. she couldn't control her impulses, constantly drinking, smoking, and having sex with random guys. she couldn't control her constant anxiety either, and the scratches and deep nail indents in her skin showed that.

when those guys took her clothing off of her, there would be a flash of confusion, and a little disgust as they saw various scars on her skin. that was another thing gracen loathed about herself. the things ben did to her. the scars that reminded her everyday that no one could ever look at her without seeing her as a victim.

it was a sunday night, when gracen stumbled up to her apartment, returning from the club. gracen didn't even know what she looked like at that moment, but taking from the strange looks she got from random people in the apartment building, she assumed she looked like a complete mess.

she was so intoxicated that her mind became just a bundle of useless thoughts. gracen dug in her purse for her keys, but after a few minutes of digging, she gave up with a frustrated groan. "why—" she hiccuped. "—can't i do anything right?"

gracen found herself stumbling back inside the elevator, her fingers hovering for a second over spencer's floor, before pressing the button.

—

spencer reid was engrossed in the great gatsby, his third time reading the book, before several knocks were heard on his door. spencer's eyebrows furrowed, as he looked at his little vintage clock sitting on his desk. it was 12:39 in the morning.

hesitated opening the door, fearing that it could be some serial killer standing out there, but impulsively opened it anyways.

spencer's heart dropped to his stomach.

their eyes slowly met, spencer's eyes wide as saucers. he hadn't seen gracen jones in three days. because she has totally ghosted him. it was clear to spencer that he was just an item to her.

then the smell of alcohol hit him. he slowly stepped back, allowing the girl to stumble into his apartment.

"spence—hello." she mumbled in a daze, peering up at him with her dark hazel eyes.

"gracen, why are you here?" he asked, before fully taking in her presence.

my god, she looked like she had just travelled through the himalayan's and back. the girl's brunette locks were tangled—like someone pulled on her hair—her makeup was slightly smudged, her lips puffy. her button up shirt wasn't even fully buttoned up all the way, revealing her black bra underneath. spencer couldn't believe she walked around like this—what if she had gotten hurt?

"i-" she hiccuped. "i missed you." gracen said, a little more serious now.

"are you okay?" he asked, with a little too much concern in his voice. spencer forgot for a moment what she had done to him.

"i am okay now!!" gracen drunkenly answered.

"you're drunk." he said. "come on, i'll walk you back."

"no!" she clung onto spencer's arm. "doc-doctor reid, i came here t-to talk so that's what i will do!"

"don't call me doctor reid, gracen." spencer said, stabilizing her before she collapsed onto him. "you can't talk, you're so intoxicated—"

"shut up!" she snapped, and spencer felt himself stiffen at the outburst. "you're making me mad."

"go home." he said, eyes peering down at her with intensity.

gracen shifted uncomfortably, suddenly feeling small under his gaze. "i-i came to explain myself—because i just miss you so much and—"

"stop." spencer said, not wanting to hear her blatant lies again, or fall for them again. "you don't, and you have no clue what you're saying right now so—"

"spencer!" she yelled, grabbed the collar of his shirt and pulling him down so that their eyes were at the same level. "i'm-i'm so sorry—" gracen suddenly felt desperate. she wanted them so go back to normal, she missed him so much she could've broken down in front of him, crying. but gracen didn't.

instead, gracen pulled him closer, pressing her lips against his. an electrifying feeling ran through her and gracen suddenly felt alive again. this is what she wanted. she wanted him so badly.

spencer stepped back at the sudden contact at first, but then his arms flew around her waist, his body suddenly desperate to be against hers. his heart raced erratically, and spencer felt himself slipping away from all his doubts and worries, into a world that only involved the side of gracen that made him feel ecstatic.

he had never felt like this before. the thrill that ran through him as they connected.

spencer passionately took over, grabbing her neck so that he could press his mouth against hers a little harder. a whine came out of the back of gracen's throat as her back hit a wall, where spencer pressed her up against. he let out a groan and a hot breath as gracen reached up, her hands tangled in his locks and pulling.

the two stood there, moaning messes as their tongues fought for dominance and their body shared heat, aching to get closer.

then something hit spencer. the smell of strong alcohol, smoke, and another guy on her wafting to his nose, his senses finally being alerted. spencer head flew back, their lips parting from each other. a horrified feeling came to his stomach. she was drunk, and he was taking advantage of her like this.

not to mention that, but spencer could basically taste the other man on her lips. slowly in disgust, he lifted his arm and wiped his mouth on the sleeve of his shirt. he hated himself for thinking about germs at that moment, but it was an impulse spencer couldn't control.

"spencer, what the hell?" he heard her ask, eyes filled with anger and confusion. nothing slipped past gracen's sight, even when she was drunk.

gracen could basically feel how disgusted spencer was at her. she suddenly felt nauseous to her stomach thinking about how he wiped his mouth on his sleeve after kissing her. he was the one kissing her back, for god sakes.

"just-just listen to me." spencer breathed out, slowly regaining his normal breathing pace. "gracen, you're drunk. it's-it's not right—"

"that-that doesn't matter!" she said.

"yes it does!" spencer said, suddenly feeling urgent to get her out of his apartment before anything else could happen. he reached down, quickly buttoning up her shirt so that she was less revealing to him and any other guy that might see her.

"you think i'm disgusting, don't you?" she shoved his arms away, making spencer take a step back. "spencer reid, you're such a fucking douchebag—"

"you're kidding me." he said in disbelief. "you can't get mad at me for respecting your boundaries!"

"you? respecting me?" gracen asked, clenching her fists so hard that she felt her fingernails painfully digging into her skin. "you have the audacity, spencer, to act like you're a saint! you act like you fucking know everything, and you know what? it's so fucking annoying."

"gracen, you can't say anything when you just suddenly ghosted me when i did absolutely nothing to you!" spencer ran his hands through his messy waves in distress. "then you come up here, drunk as hell, expecting me to what, fall in front of you like the guy you fucked before you came here?"

gracen's expression faltered, and spencer knew that his guess was completely accurate.

"you think i don't know? i can smell him on you, gracen. so excuse me, for thinking it's disgusting that i might've just kissed some dudes dick." he said.

"spencer, i—" she started, her eyes starting her water.

"i'm not stupid. i know you have complete trust issues, that you're in so much pain that to make you feel alive, you smoke, and drink, and—"

"shut up." gracen said through her gritted teeth.

"—and sleep with a new guy every week, just to feel again, because you're—"

"shut the hell up, spencer." she said, shoving him backwards. "don't fucking profile me, because you don't know anything. you will never understand me or how i feel. so get your ass off that pedestal of yours."

gracen threw his door open, turning around one last time. "i never want to see you ever again, spencer." she slammed the door closed, and a range of unexplainable emotions ran through spencer.

he felt like the walls were closing in on him. spencer snatched a book from the counter, hurling it at the wall. "shit." he cursed, stumbling back when a blinding headache hit him. spencer regained balance on a bookshelf,

his eyes glassy with tears from the physical and mental pain.

gracen sobbed on her way back to her apartment, immediately going to the toilet to throw up. she felt sick, not just from the alcohol, but because of spencer reid. rage fueled her emotions now and she couldn't control herself, her wrists now scratched up and bleeding from her nails.

she stood up, peering at herself in the mirror. her face was wet with tears, her mascara running down her cheeks all the way down her jaw. gracen wiped her mouth on the back of her hand, only angrily thinking of spencer.

"you're fucking psycho." she told her reflection, before grabbing her hairbrush and hurling it at the glass. the mirror shattered, distorting her reflection.

gracen sunk down to the bathroom floor, crouched down as her loud sobs echoed through the night.

—