first off— i'm trying to add gifs to every part i post but they're not working?? does anyone know how to fit it?? i add them from my camera roll and then once i add them to every new chapter, they don't work. someone help me please :( because i know yall wanna see this mgg kissing gif because it's the BEST

also i didn't edit this because it took me two days to write and i just don't have it in me to edit. i'll probably do minor grammar fixes soon but that's it.

anyway. please enjoy. this is smut and i don't often write smut so if anyone has any criticism, i'd love to hear :)

warnings: masturbation (m & f), essentially dirty thoughts about another person, bi!spencer, porn watching, squirting, choking, oral (m), use of vibrators, overstimulation, light orgasm denial, light degradation

word count: 5.8k

SPENCER

cases are never easy. even if we manage to save a victim, there are always casualties and there are always lives that have been permanently affected. so even if we finish off a case by catching the unsub before he can finish the job, there's always previous victims that must be mourned.

so nothing at this job is ever easy. there needs to be healthy ways to cope and we all have them. morgan listens to music, rossi drowns himself in scotch and cigars, hotch does paperwork, penelope looks at cute animal videos. everyone has their own thing that they do on the plane ride home.

except for the new girl. well...she's not really new. she's been with the bau for a little over six months now. she started out fresh faced and chipper, straight out of the academy at the top of her class. she was eager to get started on cases, and she still is. everyone loved her right away and she fit in.

i always though she was attractive. when she came into her first day of work with her hair pulled back, wearing a pretty pink blouse and a black skirt, i was speechless. she smiled and it lit up the bullpen and everyone felt the impact she would have. she shook my hand and told me her name and i barely even remembered my own because her hand was so soft.

morgan and emily managed to convince her of this lie that every new team member is obligated to host the team at their house or apartment. she complied happily, although i could tell she wasn't buying the lie. that was the first time i realized how good of a profiler she was. this team has mastered lying to each other and she picked up on their tells right away.

so everyone showed up to her apartment a few days later for a small party. when i arrived, i was just as speechless as i was the first time i met her. her hair was down in these beautiful waves and she was wearing a pink, flowery dress that hugged her body perfectly with a pair of heels bringing her just a bit closer to my height. she hugged me then, immediately apologizing for doing so after being informed i didn't like touch, and invited me in. she never pressured me to drink through the night and she came to talk to me if i was standing alone, often asking me to share random facts or complain about the new star trek movie coming out.

she was, and still is, so bright and cheery and was always there as a shoulder to cry on for the team. but she never allowed the opposite. after a case, she would curl up under a blanket and sleep or she would allow the team to vent to her. oftentimes her and jj would have a long talk and wind up sleeping on top of each other on the couch.

nobody ever saw what she did to cope after a hard case. or any case, for that matter. she would sleep and then go right home afterwards. she always had a smile on her face and always offered herself up to talk. the girls often had sleepovers on the weekends. but we always invite her out to drinks after particularly hard cases and she usually declines. today is no different.

"hey, girl," morgan throws his arm over her shoulder as we collect our bags and files from our desks. "you gonna come out to drinks with us?"

emily speaks up from her own desk. "you should definitely come! you can try that new drink i was telling you about."

"um," she looks down at the watch on her wrist and grimaces, "i'm sorry, guys, but i don't think so. i have to—"

"go on a date with a hot guy? or girl? whatever suits your fancy. i don't judge," morgan interrupts, rustling her hair teasingly. i try not to laugh at how annoyed she looks because i know i hate when people laughing when i'm on the receiving end of a tease.

"no date," she rolls her eyes, breaking away from under morgan's arm. she puts her bag over her shoulder and we all start walking towards the elevator. "i just have plans already. sorry!"

just as the elevator dings open, she slips away from us and rushes down the stairs. with heavy sighs, we enter the elevator.

"does she not like us?" penelope is the first to break the silence on the way down. "she never goes out with us! we can never team bond anymore."

"i think she likes us," jj adds. "maybe she doesn't like bars. we could try dinner next time, maybe?"

"she's come to bars with us before," emily leads us out of the elevator and into the parking lot. "let's give her the benefit of the doubt. maybe she really does have plans or a date like morgan mentioned. we knows she's kinda private. she doesn't wanna tell us and that's fine."

"but," i finally speak up, so quiet and meek, "what if she's not okay?"

everyone turns to me. it's no secret that i have an affinity for our newest team member. i've been getting teased about it for weeks. maybe even months. however, i have yet to speak up and voice a concern for her. i've been too nervous to. but now that something seems glaringly wrong with her, i can't help myself.

i decide that i'll go to her apartment and check up on her. i stop at my apartment to change my clothes and then get right back in my car and drive over. the hallway is dark as i stalk up the stairs to what i remember as her apartment. there's loud music coming from somewhere, though i can't tell exactly what apartment it's from. but regardless, i knock on her door and wait patiently for an answer.

i stand there for over a minute before i knock again. and when she still doesn't answer, i start to doubt that she's even home. i could've sworn i saw her car outside but maybe i was wrong. i decide i'll try one more time and knock harder than the last two times. and as soon as i do, the music stops.

"coming!" i faintly hear her voice from inside the apartment. pleased, i take a step back and try to prepare what i'm going to say. do i ask right out of the gate if she's okay? do i ask her again if she wants to come out? what do i tell her my reasoning is for showing up at her home after a hard case? but before i can decide exactly what to ask, the door swings open.

she's standing there, slightly out of breath and holding a small silk robe around her body, hastily trying to tie the belt. her hair is messy and wild, framing her face with a few pieces sticking to her neck and forehead. but the thing that sticks out to me the most is her cheeks. there are black streaks coming from her eyes down to her cheeks, obviously mascara streaks.

"hi!" she chirps, crossing her arms over her chest to cover herself a bit better. "what's up?"

"hi," i can't even force myself to give her a smile. "are you okay?"

she furrows her eyebrows and tilts her head to the side, almost like a confused puppy. "uh— well— yeah! i'm okay. why? i thought you were going out with the team."

"i was supposed to," i shift back and forth on my feet from nervousness, watching my crush stand in front of me wearing barely any clothes. "i just wanted to make sure you're okay. you ran out of work really fast and now you're—" i gesture to my own cheeks.

she gasps, immediately wiping her cheeks, trying to get the makeup off of her skin. "sorry! sorry, i forgot about that. i was— uh—" she vaguely points behind her, maybe towards the living room or her bedroom, "i was actually just about to get into the shower," that's a lie, "and when the hot water is on, it makes my makeup run," that's also a lie.

but i nod regardless as my cheeks flush. "oh, yeah, okay, that's fine. i just wanted to make sure you were okay after the case."

"i'm fine," she clutched the doorknob so hard that her knuckles turn white, an incredibly fake smile etched on her face. "thank you for coming to check on me. i really appreciate it."

"of course. and if you need anything, i'm just a phone call away," i pat my pant pocket, containing my phone, and she smiles genuinely this time. "so i'll let you....shower."

"thank you," she starts to close the door. "and i really do appreciate you coming to check in on me. really."

i leave her to do whatever it is that she was doing that made mascara run down her cheeks, because it wasn't showering, and go home. i don't even go out with the team. i just head home and go right to sleep.

nobody mentions anything to either of us about that day. we show up to work the day after and do our paperwork in silence and then we go home. we get a case the next day and everything stats the same.

but a week rolls around and we decide that this time, we'll try going to dinner instead of a bar. we invite everyone out and they all agree, except for our newest member. she rushes out with a lame excuse of some plan she has previously made and rushes down the stairs.

i don't go out. i decide to go home and relax for the night instead of spending the night with the team. well, most of the team. i wouldn't be able to focus and relax without the one person that would motivate me to go out.

i go home and make myself dinner, read a couple books, and then decide to go to bed early. i undress and get in a shower. i hang my head under the water, my hair falling over my forehead in a messy heap.

my thoughts drift off to the obvious problem at hand. our newest bau team member avoiding us when we go out. i start to think about her and the way she smiles and the way her hand brushed over mine when she passed a marker to me and the way she giggled at my joke.

and my mind starts to drift to last month when we shared a hotel room together. she had forgotten to bring clothes with her into the bathroom and she came sauntering out with just a towel wrapped around her waist. she crouched and bent down, showing off her beautiful, smooth, long legs. as soon as she disappeared into the bathroom, she came back in tiny shorts and a tiny bra. her hair was put in a braid and she smiled at me while she said her good nights. but my eyes were stuck on her beautiful body, on the way her waist dipped and her hips curved. she looked so beautiful when she reached her arms above her head and stretched out her back.

and as horrible and guilty as i feel, i can't stop myself when my hand travels down my body. my cock is already hard and pressing against my lower stomach, and a sigh falls from my mouth. my hand slowly slides up and down my length, remembering the way her skin felt against mine and the way her body brushed against mine as she tries to get past me at the police station.

a moan falls from my lips and i toss my head back, working my hand faster over myself. i feel my orgasm already growing near when i recall the distinct way she rolled out of bed and said good morning. she really just looked so pretty while she twisted her hair into a pretty braid and then got dressed in a pretty dress. but then my thoughts get overwhelmed of her innocence and her beauty and the pleasurable feeling that had its grasp on me loosens. my orgasm escapes me.

"fuck," i groan softly, dropping my hand back to my side. i shut off the water and don't even bother to grab a towel.

i collapse into my desk chair, signing into my computer and pulling up the site i usually frequent. i press enter but i'm rerouted to a completely different website, one i've never seen before. i don't even have it in me to worry about what website this is. all i know is that it's full of people livestreaming themselves.

i mindlessly scroll through the site and click on a video of a guy masturbating. he's sitting in a desk chair and stroking himself, a mask over his face to protect his identity and garters squeezing his thighs and probably leaving indents in his pale skin. but i quickly get uninterested in that livestream and move on.

i pass by a couple on a floor and a girl on a couch, then two guys sitting in the back of a car and touching each other. nothing really seems interesting, not until i click on a random video labeled bunny knight. she's laying on a bed in this pretty pink lingerie, propped up against the headboard. i click on the video and it expands to my whole screen. but as soon as the girls' image gets larger, my eyes widen.

it's my coworker on the bed in pink lingerie, thigh high socks, and a white collar around her neck. she has a vibrator humming softly between her legs, her mouth dropped open and her eyes half closed. i'm absolutely shocked, almost stunned into silence at the sight. but i don't even have it in me to rip my eyes away.

her moans come through the speaker of my computer, high pitched and pretty. she's just so goddamn pretty. small dings sound every few seconds that make her get louder, signaling that other people watching are donating money. with every donation, the vibrations get stronger. but knowing that other people are watching and enjoying are making some sort of crazy possessiveness rise in me.

she says something but i can barely hear her over the music she's blasting. she must notice that she can't be heard because she scoots closer to the camera, giving me a better view of her face. she circles the vibrator faster against her clit, crying out and tossing her head back.

my hand flies to my throbbing cock, already dripping precum across my stomach. the guilt rises in me as i start to pleasure myself to her pleasuring herself. she props herself up and tugs on the collar around her neck, a devilish smile coming to her face.

without a second thought or any reservations, i grab my mouse and send money to her. immediately, the ding goes off and the vibrator in her hands gets stronger. her face completely crumbles as it speeds up, barely able to hold herself up. "thank you!" she whines out, working the vibrator in quick circles. "thank you so much."

desperate to hear her thanking me again, i send her more money. a louder sound goes off and she nearly screams, scrunching up her face and curling her toes against the bed. "fuck!" she cries out. "thank you so much. that feels so fucking good!"

she rips the vibrator away from her cunt and rubs her hand across her clit at lightening speed, squirting all over a towel i barely even noticed. she's screaming and crying, tears and mascara draped over her cheeks and neck. she looks so ruined and messy and pretty that i cum at the sight of her cumming. a groan sounds in the back of my throat, spilling my load all over my hand and letting it drip down to my wrist.

my eyes are locked on the pretty girl on the screen, catching her breath after collapsing back onto her bed. she sits up and scoots closer to the camera, smiling wearily. her eyes are bloodshot, her cheeks filled with tears and mascara that drip down to her neck and mix with some spit from the corner of her mouth. "well," she licks her lips and runs her fingers through her sweaty hair, "thank you all for watching."

i groan, nearly in agony, as she wipes the back of her hand across her cheek, smudging the mascara even more. she reaches for the vibrator and brings it between her lips, sucking off the remnants of her orgasm.

"i'll see you all next week," she drags the vibrator along her tongue one more time before she smiles and waves goodbye, ending the stream.

i'm only slightly ashamed to admit that i get off three more times after that to the image of her squirting all over her bed.

i can't seem to look at her through the next week. i avoid her eye and try to run away when she approaches me. i freeze up when her hands brush mine instead of relaxing into her. all i can see are those thigh highs socks, the pink lingerie, and her release staining the bed. i couldn't hold down a conversation with without imagining her tongue licking her own juices off a vibrator.

but luck never seems to be on my side because after a week of radio silence between us, she runs up to me in the parking lot. "spencer!" she calls, rushing up to me before i can get into my car.

my eyes widen as i drop my satchel into the passenger seat, clutching my keys in my hands. "oh, hi."

"hi," she smiles convincingly but i can see apprehension in her face. "i don't mean to corner you here or make you late to something or—"

"it's fine," i clear my throat nervously, tucking my hands into my pocket so she can't see how they're shaking. "what's— how's—"

"okay, so," she clears her throat and gives me one more nervous, unsure smile, "i know this is probably gonna be very, very awkward but i feel like we have to talk about it."

my blood runs cold at the implication of what needs to be talked about. my eyes nearly widen but i somehow manage to keep my cool. and right now i can't trust my voice so i just nod to her.

"i can actually," she sucks her lips into her mouth and pauses. but she shifts her weight from one foot to the other and restarts her sentence. "for security purposes, on my end, i can see the names of everyone who sends me money."

and there we go. the ball drops. the cats out of the bag. she knows that i watched her get herself off on a livestream on a porn website on a night when i was supposed to be out with the team. she probably thinks i'm a disgusting pervert who wants to watch my coworker in compromising positions. this is probably, definitely going to screw up the dynamic of the team. maybe she will report me to hotch and i'll be fired and i'll never work again.

"i'm really sorry," i instantly blurt out, doing absolutely anything i can to save myself. "i wasn't trying to be weird and i didn't go searching for you, i just happened to stumble upon you and—"

"spencer, it's okay," she laughs gently, putting her hands on my shoulders. "you can't search me up. none of the content i make is under my own name. the only way you could've come across it is by accident. it's just kinda my coping mechanism. and part of the way i pay off my rent and car loans and student debt."

"but i still shouldn't have watched! i should've ignored it and not made things weird by—"

"do you wanna come over tonight?"

she cuts me off and it takes me a second to process what she even said. "come over tonight? but it's—"

"it's the night i stream. i know. that's why i'm inviting you over." i'm still confused, just staring at her with my eyes wide and my lips parted. i watch her cheeks go red and she completely retreats into herself, retracting into some shy, bashful state that i've never seen from her before. "i was just—" she tucks a piece of hair behind her ear and stare down at her feet. "you could come and watch, if you wanted. you could sit out of the view of the camera and watch. the real thing is better than watching from a screen, right? so just— you're welcome to come over." and just like that, she rushes away and leaves me alone.