Tutor times with my Shorty are my favorite times of the week. Yes, I secretly call him My Shorty. And shorty has now an entirely new meaning for me. Not because he’s short, but because he is my bae. I mean secretly, of course. Tease all you want but he is mine, he just doesn’t know it yet. I know I’m acting like a lovestruck teenager, but maybe because I am. The more I got to know him, the more I am falling. He is incredibly smart but very humble. He is a big introvert but I am glad he is coming out of his shell when he's with me. And one thing I discovered is that he is effortlessly funny, and yes, witty and sarcastic, too. My favorite is his laugh, his smile just makes my chest explode with giddiness all the damn time.

It has been a few weeks since I’ve been spending time with Beam, and I was so close to telling him. But a lot of things are holding me back. What if he doesn't like me back? I mean I assume he likes girls, though he never mentions if he's interested with anyone. I don't see any girlfriend or boyfriend for that matter. Then there's this pressure of being team captain, people expect me to be the alpha male. To date the most popular girl in school. Though that is the least of my concern and I don't care. AlI I want to know is how Beam feels about me. If he finds out I'm bisexual, and I have a crush on him, will he still talk to me? What if he ends our friendship and he ignores me forever? God, all these thoughts are driving me crazy.

"Hey, Forth,"

Will you be my boyfriend, Beam?

"Earth to Forth,"

"Huh," I say as he waves his hand in front of me.

"You've been spacing out again, I think it's time to call it a night, at least you're friends with Math now," he chuckles as he speaks.

There's that smile again. I gulp as my heart jumps from my chest.

"Yeah," I said.

"Oh, since we finished early, wanna see something cool?" he asked.

"Sure,"

He grabs my hand and pulls me to his bed. Whoa. I thought you're pure and innocent my Beamie.

"Lay down, please,"

I do as he asked. My knees are shaking with excitement as I climb his bed. Good Lord. Am I getting lucky tonight or what?

I was laying down when he went to the door and turned off the light switch.

"Tadaa!" he said enthusiastically.

I looked up at the ceiling and immediately scolded my dirty mind.

"Woah, that is so cool!" I exclaimed.

Indeed. It was like looking at the starry sky. The ceiling was littered with glow in the dark stars, resembling the night sky. It actually felt like I was lying down outside and directly looking towards heaven.

"It's a replica of the northern hemisphere, the autumn sky," he said as he lies down next to me.

"You know any constellations?" he asked.

"Uh, I know little dipper and big dipper," I said and pointed at the only constellations I know.

"Wow! That's great!" he beamed at me.

"What's your zodiac?"

"Capricorn," I answered.

"Oh, look over there, in the southeast. You see the stars that form an inverted triangle, that's Capricorn," he said and pointed.

"I see it! How about yours, Sagittarius,"

"On the right of Capricornus, that teapot shaped one is Sagittarius. Isn't it cool? Our zodiacs are just beside each other," he said smiling widely as he pointed to the ceiling.

Of course, it means we are meant to be. And I grinned like an idiot.

I wasn't looking at the ceiling though because I was busy looking at him. He looked so beautiful in the night light. And I was distracted by the fact that I was lying on his bed. So comfy and warm and smells like him. I wanna bury my face on his pillows, wrap myself in his blanket, cuddle with him and stay here forever.

"Wait, how do you know I'm Sagittarius?" he wondered.

"I uh- just guessed. You look like a Sagittarius to me," I lied and tried a deadpan expression.

"Wow! Then that's a really lucky guess, that's amazing. Only a few people know that about me though," he said.

I know a lot about you, Shorty. But not in a stalker kind of way, of course. Just a bit of research here and there.

"Beam," I changed the subject as I gather my confidence.

"Hmm?"

"There's, t-there's someone I really like,"

"Oh, okay..." he said softly and continued to look at the ceiling. I can't see his face clearly but I think his smile faded.

"But I'm not sure if that person likes me back," I continued before I chicken out. Both of us now looking at the stars.

"I don't know what to do," I said.

I hear him take a deep breath and faced me. The smile is back, though I notice it doesn't reach his eyes.

"Tell that person how you feel. It's better to take a risk and get the answer. How would you know what the other person feels for you if you don't take the first step?" he said as he looks at me.

"Okay, I'll do it then,"

I look at him, and I pour everything in that gaze, trying to say what I've been wanting to say.

"Beam, I…" Come on Forth, use your words.

He looks back at me. His expression unreadable.

"Beam, I like… I really like-"

"Dinner's ready!!!" Wayo shouted as he opens the door widely.

Beam and I both froze and looked at the door as Wayo flicked the light switch.

"What the hell! Why are the lights off? What are you two doing on the bed? My god, are you making out!? Mooooom!!!" Wayo screeched.

We scrambled off the bed and Beam bolted to the door to clamp Wayo's mouth shut.

I felt my cheeks heat up as I imagine shorty and I making out.

"No, no, it's not what it looks like!" Beam was wide-eyed and shaking his head vigorously.

Wayo just raised his eyebrows at Beam and smirks.

"I was just showing Forth my ceiling!" Beam said defensively and looks at me, pleading for help.

"Yes!" I nodded three times.

"Suuure," Wayo said while looking at Beam and me back and forth.

"Owwwkaay," he said and turned. "Let's go have dinner then."

Beam and I nodded and followed him.

This little brat Wayo, he just interrupted confession time. But I forgive him since he's my future cutie brother-in-law. And it's dinner time so I'm cool.

Did I mention I love having dinner at Beam's house? Mom's homemade cooking is the bomb, yes I call him mom in my mind. Because why not? All the nights I spend in their house I get to eat dinner with them. I love staying here, it feels like a real home. Warm and cozy. And they actually feel like family. You can feel the love and happiness in every corner. Even though Beam's dad passed away a couple of years ago, they still felt like a complete happy family, being there for each other. While I do have a mom and a dad, I rarely see them. I think they sometimes forget I exist though, except for my huge monthly allowance and the expensive things they buy for me which indicates that they do remember me. But at the end of the day, all I have is a big empty house waiting for me. I'm starting to think I like Beam's mom more than my own. And she treats me like a son, too. Spoiling me with food and snacks whenever I'm here. Fussing over me, asking me about my day, just like his boys. And I bask at her doting. I think I'm his favorite son now. If she decides to adopt me, I'll honestly move in immediately.

After dinner's over, Beam walks me to the door.

"Thanks for the dinner, Shorty," I said.

He just smiled and waved, I waved back and turned to go.

"Good luck," he said.

"For what?" I turned around.

"On your confession, I'm pretty sure it will go well. You're a pretty awesome guy. That person's very lucky you know," he said, but his head's on the ground, his foot playing on the welcome mat.

"Oh, thanks?" I don't know what to say though.

He turned around to go inside, but then I immediately thought of something.

"Shorty, wait!" I grabbed his arm before he can go inside.

He looked at me with a startled look.

"Can you meet me at the football field tomorrow after class?" I asked.

"Huh, why?"

"I uhm... Football!" Come on Forth, think.

He tilts his head.

"We don't have practice, so I'm gonna teach you football!" I said.

"Teach me? Uhm… I suck at sports,"

"Come on Shorty, it will be fun. You've been teaching me for a while now. How about I also teach you how to play? It's pretty awesome, I promise," I tried my best to convince him.

He scratches his head and seemed to contemplate it.

"Alright,"

"Great!" I said and ruffled his hair because walking away to my convertible.

Tomorrow it is!

***

👓

Only fifteen minutes left until the bell rings and I fidget on my seat. Forth has been looking at me weird from his chair on the opposite corner of the room. Ever since we started tutoring, he and his football friends have been friendly with me, like they're treating me differently. I can't really place the type of attention I'm getting.

The past few weeks have been extremely amazing. I got to spend time with Forth, in my house! Like just the two of us. I was grinning from ear to ear as I daydream and recall those moments. Even with Wayo's teasing--yes he knows. Ever since I told him about my unrequited feelings, he has been pushing me to confess. Of course I won't. The secret stays with me forever.

My grin turned into a sad frown when I remembered. I sighed deeply and hid my face on my arms in my desk. Forth likes someone else so there goes all my hope. And my pathetic little self even told him to confess. Good job, Beam. I gave him an advice I couldn't even do myself. I feel like crying. It really hurts and I feel so stupid.

Suddenly I felt a hand softly patting my head.

"Are you okay, Shorty? The bell rang a few minutes ago," Forth asked worriedly.

I tried to give him my brightest smile.

"Yep," I said. At least I get to spend time with him today.

"Ready to play?" he asked and I nodded.

"I'll just meet you in the bleachers? I have to get something in my car," he said.

"Okay,"

So I went first and waited for him by the bleachers. My phone vibrated.

Dreamboy: Wait for me at the middle of the field please.

That's weird. But I half jogged to the middle of the field anyway. Maybe he'll teach me how to kick or throw. There's no practice today so the field is empty and the lights are quite dim. To my surprise, as I was nearing the center, all the lights turned on. Temporarily blinding me, then feeling like I was in the spotlight.

Then I saw him, walking towards me holding a duffel bag, smiling brightly, and my breathe hitches. There goes the man of my dreams. Gorgeous and amazing.

"Hey," he said as he comes nearer. He was smiling but I can sense some kind of... nervousness?

"Hi," I greeted back.

We stood face to face in the middle of field, smiling. Just the two of us. If he only knew. My mind started daydreaming immediately. I tell him how I feel. And he will be grabbing me and kissing me breathless right here, in the middle of the field.

Then he cleared his throat and broke the spell.

"Actually Beam, uhm, we're not gonna play right now,"

"What do you mean?" I asked. Maybe he is busy.

"Beam, I-" he paused.

And took a deep breath, and looked at me. His eyes sparkling, and I can feel his body is jittery with excitement? Nervousness? What is it?

"Beam, I have something to tell you," he said.

"Wait!" he raised his hand in front of me before I could open my mouth.

"Let me just-" he tried to open his duffel bag but it seems like the zipper is stuck.

He battled with it for a couple more minutes. And it seems like something was keeping it from opening. He was forcing the zipperhead and it looked like it's about to break.

"Stupid bag, stupid zipper," he murmured as he struggled.

"Here let me help," I offered.

"No no, it's fine, just stand there" he said and took a step back not allowing me to touch the bag.

Just then his phone started ringing loudly from his front pocket. But he just ignored it and continues to wrestle with his bag.

"Aren't you gonna get that?" I ask.

He just ignored me. Forth is acting really weird.

Just then, we heard a voice calling out Forth's name. It was Ming, his close friend and a fellow jock, running towards us.

"There you are! I've been calling you on your phone. Coach was looking for you at the gym. What are you doing here?"

Forth glared at him and then slapped his forehead.

"Uhm, he was having trouble opening his bag," I told Ming.

"Really?" Ming casually grabbed the bag before Forth could protest. And in one hard pull he pried open the zipper. The duffel bag opened wide revealing a huge bouquet of flowers, too big to fit in the bag. Some petals went flying everywhere.

"I'm gonna kill you, Ming," Forth whispered, closing his eyes before taking a deep breath.

"That's a lot of flowers!" Ming exclaimed. Looking at Forth, then at me. And then back at Forth.

"Oh… oohhh," he said as if he realized something, and then looked at Forth as if he killed his dog or something.

"Oh God, I'm so sorry, my friend," Ming cried.

Forth groaned looking resigned.

I was just looking at the flowers the whole time.

Forth's face was red and I'm not sure if he's pissed or embarrassed. But he tried to shove the flowers back to the bag, but failed. The poor bouquet was now mangled.

Forth faced me but he kept his head down.

"I-I'm so sorry Shorty, but I- I gotta go. Coach was looking for me, so uhm, yeah," he said.

"It's okay... I'll just go home." I said softly. I keep my head down and tried to hold back the stupid tears.

"Uhmm, see you tomorrow, Beam," Forth said.

I just nodded and ran as fast as I can towards the opposite direction without looking at them.

Just when I reached the bleachers I looked back. Forth and Ming were heading to the gym. It looked like they were talking, Ming patting Forth's back. I don't know what's up with Ming earlier. But one thing's for sure, Forth didn't want to play tonight because he was going to confess to that person. The flowers, his excitement, his smile, say it all.

And it hurt, it hurt so fucking much. I called Wayo, and waited by the bleachers. Waited and cried.