Rosie bought me a T-shirt. It said, NOBODY KNOWS I’M A LESBIAN.

Yeah, I was coming out, but not even I had that much courage. Why not make an announcement over the PA?

“Attention. We’ve just received official confirmation that Jennie Kim is a dyke.” No. I wanted to do this my way.

One person at a time. Those who needed, and deserved, to be told. I called Jisoo first. “I need to talk to you," I said. "If you’re still talking to me, that is.” She didn’t respond.

I died inside. It was too late.

"Letʼs meet at the clubhouse.”

“The wha – oh, okay.” lf I could remember where it was. “When?”

“I’m too busy this week,” she said.

Ow. I deserved that.

“What about Saturday?”

“Okay.” Iʼd go crazy waiting until Saturday, but what could I do? I should be thankful she was willing to see me at all. “What time?" “I don’t know. Around four?”

"A.M.?"

"Yeah, right. Wear your pj’s and bring a flashlight.” She clucked her tongue.

There was a smile in her voice, though.

My heart sang. “l’ll be there.”

“You promise this time?”

I squeezed my eyes shut. “I promise. I'll be there.”

We hung up. Saturday was forever away. I couldn't put off Dean for a whole week. I couldn’t bear living with the knowledge that I'd hurt his feelings, that he basically detested me. Not when I could fex it, make it right. Rosie helped me compose a letter. I explained to Dean how I just figured out I was gay and was trying to come to terms with it. That my saying no to him had nothing to do with him or who he was. That I really was flattered he’d asked me to the prom.

I signed it, “Sincerely, Jennie (the turkey) Kim."

I was petrified to give him the letter. It didn’t help that Rosie had warned me, "You never know how people will react.” I thought I knew Dean, but do you ever really know a person?The fear was immobilising.

Art period was almost over and still the letter lay under my sketchpad. Now or never. Pretending I had to sharpen my pencil, I strolled by Dean's table up front and dropped the envelope on his pad, then skittered back to my seat.

Rosie turned and met my eyes. She pressed a fist to her heart. My heart was pounding in my ears. I watched Dean open the envelope, pull out the letter, and unfold it. He read it, then refolded it. Stared straight ahead at the white

board. He didn’t care. He hated me. Without warning, his chair toppled over, startling everyone. He gathered his stuff together and forged his way to the back of the room, attracting Mackelʼs attention with all the racket.

Dean slid into the seat beside me and said, “Yo.”

It was the sweetest word I ever heard. "Yo yourself," I replied, my throat constricting. He did a really weird thing then. He looped his long arm around my shoulders and gave them a squeeze. Sort of brotherly. My eyes strayed over to Rosie, who’d covered her head on the table with her arms, smothering laughter.

It was all I could do to contain my own hysteria.

Paramount Park used to seem so dark and deep when we were kids. All I saw now were the weeds, the scraggly cottonwoods, the decaying litter caught in the chain-link fence. I'd completely forgotten about this place, our clubhouse. A brilliant sun cast geometric shadows through the branches as I crunched along the overgrown trail. Trees would be budding soon, I realized. I’d always loved

spring. This year's rebirth would be extra special, since it was my rebirth, too.

“Knock, knock." I stood underneath our cottonwood, squinting up into the tree

house. A voice floated down, "What’s the secret password?” "Shit," I muttered.

“Thatʼs not it." I grinned and shook my head.

"You don't remember the secret password?”

Grabbing a branch, I hoisted myself up and said, “Jisoo, it's been a hundred years?” Another lifetime. I squeezed through the gap around the trunk, vaguely recalling there used to be a door hinged over it.

“Is this floor going to hold us?" l stepped gingerly across the wobbly sheet of plywood to the far side, where Jisoo was sprawled against the wall of our clubhouse, reading from a spiral notebook.

"Remember this?” she asked absently.

I eased down beside her. The wood cracked and I grabbed hold of her arm to save myself – or take her with me. “What is it?" The plank held and I let her go.

Jisoo slid the notebook between us.

“Oh, my God. Is that our secret spy book?”

She smiled. “Remember how to read the code we invented?”

“Hell, no.” It was pure hieroglyphics.

She pursed her lips at me and reclaimed the book. “Preston and Ty Mangela are stupid ugly idiots. Next time they egg us on the way home from school, we’re calling the cops.”

I laughed.

She continued reading, “Tiffani Enstrom is boy-crazy.”

"Whoever she is." My mind wandered. Only three walls remained in our clubhouse, and two of them were in imminent danger of decay. Was it that long ago we’d discovered this place and loved it into a home? We’d strung Mom’s old flowered sheets across the windows and stapled them in place. We'd even squirreled away a stash of butterscotch candies for emergencies. Where were they? In a crevice we’d chiseled out of the tree trunk.

That wasn’t all we'd chiseled. I scrambled to my feet. I had to duck under a cracked limb to reach our spot. My fingers traced the letters in the bark.

“It’s still here," Jisoo said, appearing at my side, "for all eternity, just the way we planned.” She traced the carvings, too.

“The history of our love lives. ‘L.T. + R.R.,’” she read. “Richie Romanowski. I wonder where he is now.”

“Probably in jail since he was dealing dope in sixth graded.”

She ignored me. “‘L.T. + DF. L.T. + MZ. L.T. + KZ…’”

“You were hornier than Nayeon," I said.

She slapped my arm. “I was searching. Still am." Her eyes fixed on the tree trunk. Then slowly turned on me. I swallowed hard. My mouth felt dry as dust. “Here’s mine." l felt along the indentations. ‘J.K. + …’ “Huh." I blinked at Jisoo. “Itʼs blank."

“Imagine that.” Jisoo raised an eyebrow. “What did you want to talk to me about?”

My heart exploded in my chest. I wasn’t so sure about this anymore. I thought I knew Jisoo, but Rosie cautioned me not to expect too much. Not to be too disappointed if Jisoo needed some time to accept the truth. I didn't think she would…

I broke off a twig, then another. A knot of fear twisted my stomach.

“Do you want me to say it, or do you have like a prepared speech you’ve been rehearsing?”

I lowered my head and laughed to myself. Jisoo knew me too well. "I'm gay,” I said.

She gasped and covered her mouth. But her eyes gave her away.

“You are so dead," I told her.

She grinned. Peeling off a strip of bark, she asked, “Is it Chaeyoung? Is she the one?”

My face flared “Yeah, she’s the one.”

Jisoo meandered back to where she’d left the spiral and sat again, I followed her. “Tell me what it's like," she said.

I soared into space. These were the words I'd been longing to hear. I took a deep breath and opened myself wide.

“I love her, Jisoo. I love her so much. I've never

felt this way about anyone before. Rosie and I are connected – physically, emotionally, spiritually. It's like she’s inside of me."

I clenched a fist to my stomach. “She's a part of me. I can't explain it, She’s my soulmate.”

“I hate her,” Jisoo said.

“No." Anger gripped me. “You don’t even know her.”

Jisoo shook her head. “I don't mean that. I’m insanely jealous. I can’t even imagine how it would feel for someone to love me that much.”

“Oh, Jisoo…”

“I’m happy for you, Jennie,” she said. “But sad, too.”

“Why?”

Jisoo ran a thumbnail down the wire spring of the notebook. “Because it changes things between us.”

“No, it doesn’t.” I shifted to face her. “What are you talking about?"

“You’re different now. You’ve been different. You haven’t called me in months. You have a new life. New friends.”

“You'll always be my friend. Always.”

“But not like before. I’ll never be one of you.”

“One of who? God, you make it sound like a coven or something."

“Plus, you have her now. You don't need me."

Unexpectedly, Jisoo burst into tears.

She was really bawling. This hurt her. Why? It didn’t seem fair when I was so happy. I folded her in my arms and held her. Storking her braid, I said, “You know, I used to have the worst crush on you."

If my senses hadn’t been heightened, I might not have felt it. The tensing of her muscles, the slight pull away from me. I released her fast.

My brain screamed, You shouldn’t have told her, you idiot! What were you thinking? I scooted back a few inches to put more distance between us.

“So, um, are you bisexual?” Jisoo asked, digging a tissue out of her shorts pocket.

“Because…well, Kai and all.” She blew her nose.

“No. I’m not. I realize now that I only ever loved him as a friend.” By the look on Jisoo’s face, I’m not sure she understood. I'm not sure I did, completely.

"Would you do me a favor, Jisoo? Would you give Kai a message?”

"Sure,” she said.

“Tell him I'm sorry we couldn’t talk about this, that I couldn’t tell him the truth. Tell him he deserves to find someone who can love him in a way I never could.” She nodded.

"You think heʼll understand?”

“No," she admitted. “Not yet, anyway. He’s pretty pissed. And…you know."

My heart ached. I never meant to hurt him. Never meant to hurt anyone. “He’ll be leaving for college soon,” I thought aloud. “That should help.”

Jisoo stood up fast and walked across the plank to the other side of the clubhouse.

“Everything's changing. Everybody’s leaving.” Her tears threatened a rerun.

I scrabbled up after her. “You’re leaving, too.”

“I don’t know what I'm doing. I’m definitely not going to Hankuk with Nayeon. She told me what she said to you." Jisoo met my eyes.

“I couldn’t believe it. Yes, I could. Nayeon's always been so jealous of you.”

“Me?" I frowned. “Why?”

“Why? You’re smarter than her, more popular, you have a great relationship with your mom, you have Kai. Had,” she corrected herself.

"Had" was the operative word. I pressed in a loose nail on the floor. “People never see beneath the surface.”

“Especially her," Jisoo said. “She’s so shallow, all she has beneath her surface is a cesspool.”

I widened my eyes at Jisoo. We both cracked up. I don’t know what was so funny. The truth?

Jisoo shook her head. “Nayeon's such a bitch. After I let her know we were officially ex-friends, I wanted to call you so bad.”

“Oh, Jisoo.”

She added quickly, “I just wish things would stay the same forever. Don't you?”

God, no. If the cosmos hadn’t shifted, if I hadn’t risked change, I might never have found Rosie. Found myself. I would've lived a lie, created a life around other people’s expectations.

"My mom kicked me out of the house,” I said.

"What?” Jisoo gasped. “No.”

I told her everything that had transpired since Rosie, deliberately leaving out the part about The Secret. That was a private matter between Rosie and me, our own personal history. We were building on that and it felt sort of sacred.

My eyes drifted down to my watch.

"Shit. I have to go." Rosie was taking me to

her Unity rehearsal tonight to introduce me to her friends. It was a big step for her. For us. Jisoo and I descended the tree. At the bottom, I said, “Wait. We forgot the secret spy book." I started back up.“Leave it.” She snagged my arm.

“Maybe some other kids will find it and carry on the tradition." She gazed up at the crumbling clubhouse for a long moment, then looked at me.

“The secret password was stewardess corp.”

"What?” I made a face.

“It’s an anagram for a secret password.”

“How lame. Who came up with that?”

“You did. I always thought it was brilliant.” Jisoo smiled, sort of sad and nostalgic. Then she headed off through the woods.

A wave of grief washed over me. Jisoo would always be my friend, but she was right. Things had changed. Her world seemed very small to me, confined and limited, while mine had expanded, illuminated, grown. I saw everything now through different eyes. Wide awake and focused.