I am not crazy. Unfortunately when you have to repeat this sentence to yourself over and over everyday, it stops sounding true. Eventually you stop believing it. At some point in the last 3 years I had realized that I was different from everyone else. "Crazy" wasn't exactly the right word to explain whatever I was. It was more like over-sensitive with a tendency to wander or get lost inside my own head. No, "crazy" was not the right word. What it was was a word I heard often, especially from people who would look at me clinging onto my brother's arm at school trying to make it through the hallways without breaking down.

Archie didn't mind though. Being my twin, he had seen me at my worst and did everything he could to keep me from ending up in that state of mind again. I wasn't aloud to be alone. Not in the hallways, not at home, not on my way home from school, not in town, not at Pop's, not anywhere. This was due to the fact that when I was alone, my mind would wander and then my feet would start to do the same thing. I would end up somewhere, not knowing how I got there or how long it had taken. There had been a couple times I had almost fallen into Sweet Water River because of this and one time I had been knee deep in the water when Betty had found me, called out my name and pulled me out of my thoughts.

There were a lot of people (like the idiots on the football team who were very vocal about it) who expected me to die soon. When Jason had been killed this summer, some people were saying things around town about how they were surprised I hadn't gone before him. Others were saying I was probably the one who killed him. Then there were the people who knew me better than everyone else. They were afraid that I would be the next one to go and that it wouldn't be an accident. To say the least, Jason's death had scared me. My sleep patterns that had just been improving were not only turned around but now non-existent. I was often in the middle of 2 or 3 thoughts at once and stopped talking a whole lot as I couldn't stick to a normal conversation. Archie was worried about me and always made sure I had someone around as the chances of me wandering off had practically doubled.

As for friends at school, I didn't have many. There was Archie who was bonded to me by blood, Betty who I would love to call a friend but never thought of it that way as she was usually just there to help take care of me and Kevin who seemed to enjoy my company more than anyone else. He and I got along quite well when I wasn't spaced out. The three of them helped me a lot when it came to panic attacks or just bringing me back to reality when I got lost inside my own head. I was always a very clingy person so I was often sitting on Kevin's lap or next to Betty with our arms intertwined. Being that close to people was just a little reminder of what was actually going on and that there were people right here with me.