beep, beep, beep

beep, beep, beep

beep, beep, beep

ugh

i reached my hand over my bed and turned off my alarm

it's the first day of school, and I couldn't wait for it to be over

you see, my summer wasn't exactly 'great'

after me and eddie found richie and greta bowie down by the river, making out, I couldn't process what was going on

so I left

because why would I want to see my- my- what is richie tozier to me?

he's not my boyfriend, because, from the rumours I've heard, he and greta are dating

so that sucks

and I don't even think we're friends, since we haven't even talked the past three months,

but, me and eddie have really gotten closer

as friends though, nothing romantic

because I only have those eyes for richie

ugh, I should just close those eyes and get over myself

i got out of my bed, and got ready for the day of hell

once I was ready, I grabbed an apple and ran out the door to my bike

i met eddie halfway there, since we planned that yesterday

'hey eddie spaghetti'

he half laughed and half sighed,'don't call me that, victoria!'

chuckling, we biked our way to school

when we arrived, I saw richie's bike on the bike post

it was horrible, it reminded me of what could have been

of what should've been

before my mind understood what was happening around me, eddie snapped me back to reality by saying,'bye victoria, I have to go check up with the school nurse again, and please, for my sake and for yours, don't let richie back in your head' and leaving. I nodded, knowing that wasn't going to happen, but part of me knowing it was

when I heard the five minute bell ring to get to class, I left the bike racks and scurried to class, luckily I didn't see richie on the way

but, when I sat down in class as the final bell rang I was relieved, as richie wasn't in my science class

the teacher came in through the door and closed it behind him,'now the door is closed, and if anyone walks in through that door after it's closed, then your'e late; and no exceptions'

the teacher walked over to the front of the class and started taking attendance,

when I heard my name and mumbled,'here' as he went on with the names but all I could think about was richie

how much I missed him was insane

right as I stopped thinking about him, the door opened,

and who was it?

it was richie

he was about to say something to the teacher when he saw my face

our eyes locked attach others' and I could feel the pain in my chest

all he could do was let out a small whisper,'vic' before the teacher told him to sit down

about halfway through the class, we had to pair up with partners for the first half of the school year. I didn't know anyone other than richie, so I just sat down and waited to see who was left after everyone had gotten their partners

'hey victoria, do you wanna maybe be my partner?' I looked up, it felt as if richie had grown a whole foot, swallowing my spit, I nodded and went over to the table he was sitting at

after about fifteen extremely awkward minutes, richie spoke up,'can we please talk at lunch on the football field?'

looking at the ground, I tucked my hair behind my ear and bit the insides of my cheek,'I don't know, I mean you-' he put his hand on my shoulder,'fine, but don't expect me to be nice to you after what you've done' I told him. he pushed his glasses up from his nose,'I don't, even though I wish you did'

ugh, I thought,'just shut up for once' I said to him, he looked hurt

but he deserved to hear it

the first half of the school day went by relatively fast, and eddie was in most of my classes,

and so was richie

but I just avoided him,

i started walking towards the football field, but I ran into greta bowie,'oh hey twerp, on your way to the football field? well don't bother, because me and richie are together and he just wants to tell you how much he hates you, you loser! so don't get your hopes up, and here, have my drink!' she splashed a red icee in my face, I ducked but still got it over my hair and clothes

i ran out to the football field and saw richie waiting for me

he was leaning against the football goal, and got up when he saw me,'holy shit, vic, what happened to you?!'

i brushed my hand through my wet hair and yelled at him,

'YOU, you happened to me! you fucked with my head making me think you cared when you didn't! you didn't care one bit.' tears were filling my eyes when we met in the middle of the field,

he tried hugging me, but I pushed him back,

'victoria, please don't do this to me! if I would have known this would've happened I never would have done it! you mean the world to me, please, please forgive me!'

i shook my head and backed away from him,

'NO YOU WOULDN'T HAVE! YOU WOULD'VE STILL WENT RIGHT TO GRETA BOWIE AND SWAPPED SPIT WITH HER NO MATTER MY feelings were! you're as bad as people say you are! you just make me feel like i'm the only girl in the ENTIRE WORLD and then you just stab me in the back! BEST FRIENDS DON'T STAB EACH OTHER IN THE BACK!'

he looked so hurt, it hurt me, but I knew this is what was best for me, for us

'victoria, please no. that's not what I am, and you know it. I would have given you the entire world if I could and still would! please victoria don't be like this!'

tears were rushing down my face as I sat down in defeat,

'no, RICHIE! you would have given me the whole world, and you would have given greta bowie the entire world, as a matter of a fact, you would've given every single girl you meet the entire world!'

he walked closer to me,'NO VICTORIA, please don't do this to yourself!'

i felt him get closer to me and come down to me while wrapping his hands around me, I pushed him back and stood up, leaving him on the floor

'DO THIS TO MYSELF?! ALL OF THIS IS YOUR FAULT NO MATTER WHAT YOU SAY OR DO! YOU KNEW THE WHOLE TIME THAT YOU- YOU JUST-'

i put my hands over my eyes and stood there, sobbing my eyes out

i sat back down again, but not next to richie

a few yards away

but he still came back to me, and in a quiet voice I could hear him say,'victoria, no please. I don't like seeing you cry'

'don't like seeing me cry; of course you don't! but of course you would like to see greta cry, because she's the one you picked, not me. and obviously, it's her not me'

i wiped my tears away as they kept on streaming down my face

his arms were wrapped around my whole body as he squatted next to me, his butt almost touching the ground, but still not, not wanting to cross over any boundaries

my knees were bent up to my chest and I was hugging them, as if I was a little ball

he put his hand on my shoulder and said in a vulnerable and quiet voice,'victoria, it's you. it's always been you.'

flinging my hair away from my face, and his hand on my shoulder while standing up again, I looked at him dead in the eye and said,'bullshit.'

he looked up at me and shook his head, almost as if he was denying that he heard it,'victoria, don't, please, just don't'

i shook my head and yelled,'I hate you, richie tozier, I HATE you!' before running back into the school