november 22st, 1990

'this is your stop, sir' the cab driver told me, waking me up from my sleep

as he pulled to a stop, i looked out of the window and saw the meadows

wow

it felt so weird to be back, i hadn't been in derry in months

it felt weird knowing i'd be seeing victoria again

eddie explained everything that happened with the letters, and i told him about the girl in new york

her name was millie

she seemed nice at first, wanting to be my friend

but she turned on me

after she convinced me to go to a party with her, she got me drunk

it was a huge mistake

i prayed that victoria never found out

but she did

well, probably

i told eddie and god knows he can't keep his mouth shut

so, today i'm prepared for the worst

victoria would be mad, but hopefully she can forgive me

fucking hell of course she won't forgive me

she'll break up with me

this is horrible

as I stepped out of the cab, i patiently walked out to the middle of the meadows, where I could see the tip of someone's head

there was only one person there

it was eddie

victoria didn't come

me and eds hugged and said hi to each other

we talked for about five minutes, before it went quiet and he spoke up again

'she doesn't know you're moving back, rich'

'oh'

'sorry, rich'

'how is she?'

'it's hard, i guess. she really missed you and wanted to see you, but..'

'but what?'

'she doesn't anymore after she figured out about millie'

'i messed up, man'

'yeah, you did. if i was her i'd be crushed. she loved you, richie. and you threw it all away, and for what? a meaningless make out session? and even before you moved, you kissed a bunch of other girls that were also meaningless. it doesn't matter one bit if it's meaningless or not. you don't deserve her, richie. you never did' eddie said with a serious tone.

'she pushed everyone away because you weren't ever answering her. you made me lie to her and have to pay people to make it look like steve took the letters! you got every single letter and never answered. not once! hell, you even payed her brother!' i could see that eddie was angry about the way i had acted. i mean, when i had abandoned vic for new york eddie had been her only support

he was there for her every single time i wasn't.

'you know i never wanted to hurt her!-'

'then you shouldn't have.'

eddie was mad, like seriously mad

i had never seen him this mad.

this was my fault

i lost vic, and now eds

life is shit

eddie got up and left me

after about five minutes, i decided I had to see vic.

i had to