"It's ironic how depressed people understand the value of happiness more than people who claim to be happy,"

~L.P.

"Mike, some of those..." Ashton trailed off not wanting to say it out loud.

"Are words," Michael finished Ashton's sentence. "Ironic isn't it?" he asked knowing what Ashton's answer would be.

Ashton shook his head. "No, Michael, It's not ironic. It's, oh my God. Michael there isn't any words for that,"

Michael smiled a small sad smile. "I know Ash. Believe me when I say that I know,"

And Ashton did believe him and he wasn't sure if that made it worse or not. Calum couldn't say anything. He wasn't sure if there was even a word for the emotions he was feeling. He knew if he asked Michael the boy would list off a bunch, but he couldn't.

Michael tensed when Calum's hand moved towards his arm, but he made no move to pull back so Calum kept going gently taking Michael wrist in his hands as Luke continued comforting Michael simply by being in the room. Calum's fingers traced a few of the cuts and the contrast between his tan skin and Michael's pale, porcelain skin was striking.

"Mikey..."

"I wish. I wish that I didn't like it you know? I wish it wasn't so addicting. And I wish, God I wish that I was worthy enough to not deserve it," Michael rambled when the silence was yet to be broken after Calum's plea of the small, broken boy's name.

"Mike we can get you help-"

"I don't want help Ashton! I don't need help,"

"Then what do you need?" Ashton tried again.

Michael couldn't say it out loud. The only thing he could do, the only possible solution. Was his death. So he lied...again. "I just need you guys to be there for me," he muttered.

Luke's breathing hitched. He knew Michael better than anyone knew a person ever and he knew when Michael was lying. This was one of those times, but only he and Michael knew Michael had lied and only Michael could tell that Luke knew he had lied. So Luke said nothing. It was something they would talk about later.

"I wasn't planning on leaving, Mikey," Calum told the boy with the dyed hair.

Michael smiled briefly at him a small fake smile, but it was enough for Calum, who along with Ashton, couldn't tell if it was real or not.

So they sat with Michael and chatted. They talked about everything and anything and it was like before the car crash. It was like before they knew about Michael's self-harm. Michael knew it wouldn't last, he knew that when he left the hospital after they cleared him from surgery that they would be watching. So Michael needed to start acting real quick.

It was like when he was talking about what happened in his past and what was wrong with him the voice in his head just sat back and watched him suffer. But now that was over, the voice was back in business. Michael tried to drown out the crude comments with the conversation flowing around him, but it was difficult. He was sick after all.

When the doctor finally said that Michael was free to leave Liz showed up simultaneously with some of his clothes and a grin on her face. When the door shut and it was just Michael and Liz in the room she dropped the smile.

"Why am I hearing that you don't want medication, Michael?" she asked fixing him with a stern gaze.

Michael winced, he was hoping the topic wouldn't come up. "I hate them. They make me feel numb you know? Like I'm somebody else. Besides they're expensive,"

"I would pay for them Michael. Money isn't an issue,"

"I'm not letting you!" he exclaimed. "I won't let you! I won't take them, Liz! I'd rather be psychotic, thank you!"

"Michael?"

The boy had buried his head in his hands after yelling at her and he was tugging at his hair viciously. There were tears staining his cheeks and he hated himself with a passion.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I didn't mean - I didn't want - I'm sorry," Michael couldn't string together a sentence and Liz was too shocked and confused to do anything.

"Michael?"

"Don't, don't be angry. I didn't mean to. I swear I didn't,"

"Michael what-"

Liz was cut off when the door opened and Luke entered quickly finding his way to Michael. Luke's hands lied over top of Michael's and he stopped the smaller boy from ripping out his hair.

"Mikey, baby listen to me. Listen to my voice. Nobody's getting angry with you, princess. We know you didn't mean to, Mikey. I know you didn't mean to. It's alright baby," Luke spoke with composure he didn't know he had. He wasn't sure what he was doing, but he knew Michael thought Liz was angry he yelled at her. He knew Michael thought he was in trouble, because that's what his dad engraved into his mind. That's what the voice in his head did. Luke wasn't sure if he was doing anything right, but Michael was responding.

"I didn't mean to. I didn't want to yell. I'm sorry, please don't hurt me," Michael muttered.

"Michael," Luke's voice was firm, but what made Michael finally look up was the emotion. The raw pain, because Luke couldn't bear the mere thought of hurting Michael. It tore him to pieces that Michael even thought it was a possibility.

"I will never hurt you. Do you understand that, Michael? I will never, ever hurt you. And I will do everything in my power to make sure nobody else does either. I love you, Michael. I love you,"

"I'm sorry, Luke. I know you wouldn't hurt me. I didn't think. I love you. I really love you," Michael whispered staring dead into Luke's cerulean eyes.

"It's alright, Mikey. Don't apologize,"

Michael nodded and Luke released his hands wiping the tears off his face. Luke let his hand linger on Michael cheek and the smaller boy leaned into his hand closing his eyes and letting out a sigh. For the moment Luke had done the impossible and shut the voice up so Michael savoured the moment not knowing how long it would last.

"Mum, can you go so Mike can get dressed?" Luke asked Liz gently. She nodded and handed Luke Michael's clothes before rushing out.

Luke helped Michael stand and undress, both boys being careful not to pull at the stitches running along his left side of his stomach. Michael fought on the skinny jeans and Luke helped guide the shirt on so Michael didn't raise his left arm and tear the stitches. Luke pulled a beanie on Michael's head and tossed a pair of socks at his face. Michael caught them one handed and took a few minutes to pull them on before Luke helped him slip into his beat up solid black converse.

When they left the room Michael was glad the shirt sleeves reached down to his fingertips hiding his arms or more specifically his cuts from Ashton and Calum. He tugged them down even further so there was a good inch of cloth after the tips of his fingers.

Liz smiled at them and the group of boys all dressed in dark clothes followed bright and happy Liz through the hospital. They past families clinging to each other for support, they passed adults reading magazines nonchalantly. They passed teenagers wandering around aimlessly or sitting on their phones. But one stuck in Michael's head. They passed a little girl laughing she was hobbling around on two prosthetic legs and one arm was significantly smaller than the other. But she was happy. She caught Michael's eye and smiled at him. She couldn't have been more than eight.

Her eyes fell on Michael's long sleeves and he stopped walking. It was like she knew what they were hiding.

"My sister wore long sleeves too," she told him.

Michael glanced at the others who were still walking before he turned back to the little girl.

"Did she?"

"Mhmm. She wore them to cover marks she made on her wrists. Do you have marks on your wrists?" she questioned.

"Yeah I do,"

"Can I see them?"

Michael sunk to her height and held out his arms for her. He felt it was only fair. She pushed up his sleeves and traced the scars and fresh cuts on his arms gently.

"My mum said that the reason my sister did this to herself was because she was stuck. She said my sister was trapped inside her own body and that she was trying to find a way out so she could be happy. Are you stuck too?"

"Yeah, I'm stuck,"

The girl frowned. "Can I help you out?" she asked. "Nobody helped my sister so she had to leave. That's what my mum said, but I know that she died. She did it to herself because she couldn't find another way out," the girl took Michael's hand in hers. "I don't want you to die,"

Michael felt like crying. He wanted to cry. Only Luke had ever said those words to him. And this was a girl he didn't even know. The voice in his head was speechless there was nothing to say. The innocent girl's words couldn't be twisted or morphed into something sick. Luke had shut it up and this girl had kept it that way.

"Lucy! What did I say about strangers?!" a woman called.

Lucy. It clicked in Michael's mind. The girl singing in the street and the mother who said not to talk to him. This was the girl from then.

"Who are you?" the woman asked.

Michael glanced up at her to see her staring not at his face, but at his wrists.

"I'm Michael,"

When she did look him in the eye he saw it on her face she knew this was the boy from the street corner even if her daughter did not. This time the woman could not find it in her to tear Lucy away, she couldn't make herself be rude. Not with those wrists reminding her of her daughters.

"Mum, his wrists are like Anna's used to be. He's stuck, mum," Lucy told her mum.

"I see that. The doctors waiting for you Lucy. I'll meet you in his office," the woman smiled at Michael and walked away.

Little arms wrapped around Michael and e blinked in surprise looking down to see Lucy with her head pressed to his chest. She was listening to his heartbeat as they hugged. Michael held her gently in his arms and tears welled in his eyes, one or two managing to spill over.

"Don't be sad," Lucy told him. "And don't let your heart stop beating. I'll find out if you do," she told him backing away.

Michael smiled at her, but he couldn't promise anything. He still wanted to die, he just wanted more time with Luke. He wanted to be happy before he died. He wanted to make sure he got to live.

She left him, hobbling into the doctor's office and Michael glanced in the general direction the others had walked in. Luke was standing there waiting for him. Michael stood up and he walked straight into Luke's waiting arms.

"Let's go get you checked out yeah?"

Michael nodded and released Luke. He pulled his sleeves back down and Luke took Michael's hand in his own and they caught up with the others who were looking around in confusion.

"Where'd you guys go?" Calum asked.

Luke looked down at Michael and smiled. "We got a little lost," he lied. But only him and Michael knew the truth and both boys were okay with keeping it that way.

"It's ironic," Michael muttered.

Luke turned to him, "What is?"

"That girl. She has no legs one and a half arms and she lost her sister, but she's happy. It's ironic that to understand happiness we must know everything about sadness. Or in her case in order to appreciate what we have we must first lose it,"

"Irony isn't always funny, Mikey,"

Michael nodded and began signing the release papers for the hospital. He noticed that Liz had been added as his emergency contact and felt a pang in his heart. The next time the hospital would call her would be to inform her that he had committed suicide when his parents started celebrating.

He signed the papers quickly and handed them back. After the receptionist verified everything he sent them off and they all piled into Liz's car. Liz began driving home and Calum, Ashton and Luke began screaming along with the music coming from the radio. Michael just watched them with an amused expression on his face.

When they pulled into the drive way and Liz shut off the car the music cut off and the three boys let out a collective groan. Liz rolled her eyes and got out of the car. Ashton, who was in the passenger's seat was next out and him and Liz looked on in amusement as the other three scrambled out of the back, Luke having to catch Michael when the boy nearly face plants.

Liz unlocks the door for the four boys before telling them that she has to go out for a few hours and retreating back to the car. Ashton and Calum race each other to the TV to play video games and Luke takes Michael's hand a presses soft kisses to each knuckle before pulling him after the other two boys.

"What's tomorrow?" Ashton asked randomly.

"Um Friday?"

"No, it's definitely Thursday,"

"Luke, today's Thursday you sh*thead,"

"I swear tomorrow's Thursday,"

Ashton turned to Michael, "You know what tomorrow is?"

"Tomorrow's Wednesday," Michael informed him with a slight laugh.

"I swear on my life-"

"I wouldn't do that!" Ashton called out quickly. They both looked at him quickly, "tomorrow's actually Wednesday,"

"I was closer!" Luke called out.

"Dammit," Calum muttered.

"But what's the date?" Ashton asked.

"I dunno...the twelfth?" Luke muttered.

"Michael?"

"The ninth,"

"Is Michael the only one who ever knows what the hell is going on?" Calum asked. Luke nodded as Ashton muttered a yeah and Michael rolled his eyes. "We're all f*cked when you realize we're all freaks and leave," Calum told Michael.

"If I found out you were all freaks we'd have a freak-show of four to start touring with," Michael shot back.

"Luke if you ever let this one go I swear I'll wring your neck," Ashton said.

Michael laughed. In the month he and Luke had been a thing Ashton and Calum had made about a thousand of these comments.

Luke eyed Michael lovingly and replied with a smirk, "He's not going anywhere, Ash,"

There was a knock on the door, but none of the boys made any move to get it. Ashton and Calum were attempting to kill a hoard of zombies and Luke was sitting on the edge of the couches helping direct them.

"I got it guys," Michael said rolling his eyes.

"We love you, Mikey!" Calum chimed.

"I love you most!" Luke added.

Michael chuckled and walked to the door a smile present on his face. When he opened the door the smile dropped to the ground and his stomach twisted into knots as his blood ran still and his heart faltered.