The last few weeks have been great. Busy, but great. With Derek's hockey schedule and his school work, I don't see him as often as we would like to but we make it work. Sometimes if we are both doing homework he will FaceTime me so we can be together but also do what we need to do.

Finals week and the end of the semester is fast approaching and it's been a stressful few days. We have this whole week to study, finals all of next week, and then we are let out for winter break.

Right now, I'm sitting in my math class listening to the teacher review the material. I'm beginning to sort of panic because everything he's been saying and putting on the board has gone in one ear and out the other. I take a deep breath and try to focus.

"So when you do geometry think of it as a puzzle," my professor says. "Find all the pieces and put it all together to get your final answer."

Great advice, but might not be effective when you have no idea how to even locate which pieces to start with. This class has been the bane of my existence since day one. I've tried, very, very hard. I even had a tutor at the beginning of the year to try and get better. I started to understand and said I didn't need my tutor anymore. Big mistake. I've even come into class a few times to ask my professor questions and it seemed to help in the moment but then I get to the big things and all my math knowledge slips my mind.

Study. That's all I'm doing for the next five days before finals. Speaking of which, Derek and I have a little study and dinner date tonight at his house. I'm not so sure how much studying will happen but it's the effort that counts. I've been looking forward to it all day. He had an away game this weekend so I haven't seen him since Thursday before he left. Of course, we texted and we've spoken on the phone but as always, it's never the same.

Class ends and we all thank the professor and I walk out. "Ash!" I hear a voice call.

"Allison, hi!" I say back.

Allison and I used to sit next to each other in math until she started dating this boy, Maxwell, who is also in our class. We have spoken a few times since they started dating and I always tell her it's totally fine if she sits with him. I've actually been able to focus better too. Maybe that's why this class started out so hard for me.

"I heard you and Derek Collins are dating," she says wide eyed and excited.

I smile and nod. "Um yeah, it's been a few weeks." I say.

Her boyfriend Maxwell walks up to Allison and I. "Hey!" He says pointing at me. "You're Collins' girl! Could you tell him I say hey? I haven't seen him in like weeks!"

I chuckle. "Yeah sure, how do you know him?" I ask, curiously.

"Marketing class," Maxwell says. "I was friends with Stacey and he was trying to ask her out. We became friends after that."

My demeanor changes after he says her name but I shake it off. There's no point in being insecure over that girl. She doesn't deserve my attention or jealousy because I would never want to be someone like her.

"Oh that's cool," I say, trying to brighten my face with a smile. "I'll tell him you say hello."

Allison and Maxwell say goodbye and I make the trip back to the dorms. Ever since Derek and I have become known around our school, people seem to go out of their way to say hello to me. Or tell me to wish Derek good luck on his next game. It's an odd thing to now have my status be the girlfriend of a star athlete. Not that it's something that bothers me, just that it's kind of odd. I'm not used to so many people knowing my name and saying hello as I walk past.

The dorm is quiet when I enter and I take my books out to start studying. Derek has practice tonight so I'm meeting him at his house. He told me to let myself in and head up to his room if he's not there.

I make a loud grunting noise at the math in front of me. I slap the book closed and decide to head to Derek's a little early.

I walk in Derek's room in a little bit of a slump. I decided maybe the better way to do this was where I'm in a place I'm comforted by. Something about Derek's room is very comforting. I take a place on his bed and try to focus.

I've been pretty good with my anxiety lately and I think most of it has to do with Derek. He just makes me feel safe and all my worries wash away. Or he tells me to wash them away.

Tears start to fill my eyes as I begin to panic over finals, Derek, what Christmas gifts I need to get, and more. And once again it starts to take over. I hate this. It is not something I can totally control but I've always done my best to help it. Next thing I know I'm having a full on anxiety attack in Derek's room.

The door opens a second later. Derek barges in, seeming to be in a pissed off mood. "Coach can kiss my ass," he says annoyed. He doesn't seem to notice the expression on my face because he places his bag on the floor to clean it out. "You know he told me I sucked today? Sucked. Like I dropped a bomb or some-" he stops talking when a sob sounds from my throat.

I don't make eye contact with him but he hurily rushes to me. "Hey, hey," he says soothingly. He comes to sit in front of me and puts his hands on my arms. "Ash, baby, what's wrong?"

My breathing is erratic and I can't slow it down. Another sob breaks through me and I almost can't breathe.

"It's okay, Ash, I'm right here." He soothes. "Come here." Derek moves to sit next to me and pulls me into his lap.

I lay my head in the nape of his neck and try to calm my breathing down. I'm not even sure why I reacted so dramatically like this but I just... reacted.

"You have to breathe, babe." He says rubbing my back in slow circles.

"I know," I say in a whisper-like voice. "I'm okay, I just h-have to calm down." I say between the tears.

For the next few minutes we just lay there. Him rubbing my back trying to soothe me and me slowing my breathing, focusing on his warmth and the sound of his heart beat. This is one of the amazing things about him. Just looking at him when he walked in calmed me down a tad. Even with him just on the phone with me, I'm put at ease by the sound of his voice.

He shifts from under me and I tense. "It's okay, I'm not leaving." He says. "I'm getting my guitar." He says.

I watch as he rounds the bed to the wall with the guitar hung on it. He walks back around and sits next to me. I give him a tearful smile. He cradles the guitar in his hand and I lay my head on his shoulder.

He starts to strum the guitar and he plays a song I've never heard before. It's soft and soothing. A few seconds later he starts to hum. My tears begin to dry up and my heart rate begins to slow. I look up at his handsome face as he focuses and hums to the tune. His dark eyebrows and light eyes scrunching together in concentration. A piece of his dark hair dangles in his face. In this moment as he plays the guitar, and just him sitting here with me, I finally admit and solidify to myself that... I love him.

I love everything about him. His patience, his kindness, his cockiness, his hair, eyes, his commitment to hockey, everything. And in this exact moment I realize it's everything I've been searching for for a long time.

He continues playing through the song and once he finishes he looks down at me. We smile at one another and I reach up to kiss him. We pull apart and he cups a hand on my cheek. "Better?" He asks.

I nod. "Thank you, I loved listening to you play." I say and sniffle. "What's that song you played?" I ask.

He places the guitar on the floor next to the bed and regards me. "It was a song my dad used to play to me when I was younger." He says sadly. The thought of that just makes me want to cry all over again. "When I'd have a nightmare or a bad day, my dad would pull out the guitar and play it. He used to hum that tune as well. Which I seemed to pick up." He chuckles at the memory and I smile.

"It's beautiful," I say, laying my head back on his chest. "You're amazing, you know that?"

He scoffs. "Why thank you for the ego boost Miss. Mayfield."

I lightly hit his chest and I feel the vibrations of his laugh under my cheek. His hand runs up and down my arm.

"So what's wrong?" He asks.

I sigh. "Just a lot of things on my mind." I say. "With finals next week and Christmas and stupid math," he laughs, knowing how much I hate math. "I just panicked."

"That's alright," he says. "I'm always here for you, you know that right?"

I nod against his chest. I look up at him. "So what was this about your coach saying you sucked?" I ask, astonished.

Derek rolls his eyes and groans. "I missed a lot of shots today and he was pissed. I was doing well for the rest, but we go against some big shot college called Kingston this week and Coach decided to bring out the insults." Derek shakes his head in annoyance.

I shake my head too. "That's stupid. Has he ever done that before?"

He nods. "A few times but it was not just me today. I bet you he had something to say to every single one of my teammates today."

"Aw I'm sorry babe. Well I bet you guys will be great in the game on Thursday. I believe in you." I say, confidently.

"Why thank you." He says with a smile. He then smirks. "So uh, about that studying?" He says but trails off nudging me so I'm on my back.

I laugh. "Studying huh?" I tease.

He gets close to my lips, but he teases me and nudges my lips with his nose. My warm breath mixes with his and the tension between us is unmistakable. "Derek," I say breathlessly, basically begging him to kiss me.

He gives me a half lidded smile and finally locks his lips to mine. The kiss gets deeper and our bodies are pushed closer together. We get into a frenzy and I don't where his hands end and his lips begin. At some point I pull his sweatshirt over his head and he throws it off the bed. I feel a pressure against my leg and I know he is enjoying this as much as I am. He trails his lips quickly down my neck. My hand lace through his hair and he moves down to the waistband of my leggings.

He looks up at me, blue eyes burning with intensity."Can I?" He asks in a husky tone.

I nod, wordlessly and he pulls my leggings down my legs.