"Regrets are just lessons we needed to learn"

Song-falling; Harry styles

A repetitive beep sounds in my ears. I try to fall back to sleep when I realize I'm not in my bed. Opening my eyes, I'm met with the bright lights of a hospital room. Just as quick as the light flooding into my eyes, the memories flood into my head.

When I adjust to the light, I look around the room. Grayson sits on the small chair next to the bed. His eyes are red and puffy, obviously he's been crying.

Because of me.

"Gray?" My voice is hoarse and grainy but it catches his attention. His eyes shoot up and he smiles, hopping up and hugging me softly.

"You're awake. I was so worried Mar." he whispers while not letting go of the hug. "I love you so much."

My heart aches with regret. The reason I kept it all a secret is so I didn't hurt anyone but I still ended up hurting the people I love most. I bite back the tears the well in my eyes.

"I love you too." I brush a tear off of his cheek. "Hey, don't cry."

"I'm just so happy you're awake." He sniffles, shattering my heart into a million pieces. He sat up and said "I'm going to go get mom and Theo, they went to get some food."

He leaves the room and a few seconds later they all 3 walk in. Mom was a mess. She looked frail and tiny. Mom has never looked so small. She's always been so strong, always been the toughest person I know.

And right then I break down. A sob escapes my lips involuntary. "I'm sorry."

"Oh baby" mom rushes over to me and grabs my hand. She pulls me in for a hug gently. I cry into her shoulder for so long. She runs her fingers through my hair and lets me cry. When I pull apart I see she's crying too.

"I'm so sorry."

"Shhh, you have nothing to be sorry about." She puts her hand on my face, rubbing my cheek. "Everything will be okay."

I nod tearfully and she kisses my head. Theo clears his throat "can I have a minute alone?"

Mom nods her head and leads Grayson out of the room, wrapping an arm around him. Theo gingerly sits on the edge of the bed. I wipe the last of my tears away and look at my twin.

"Why didn't you tell me?" He whispers, his eyes full of hurt and guilt.

"I didn't want to worry anyone." I reply, balling the blanket hymn in my hands.

"I'm your twin, I'm always worried about you." He chuckles tersely.

"I'm sorry." I say once again. It's the only words that feel right. I screwed up and now everyone's hurt from me.

"Shut up." I look up with him and he smiles. "You have nothing to be sorry about."

"But I do!" I argue, brushing some hair that fell in my face back.

"No you don't. If you say sorry one more time I'll burn your baseball bats." He threatens and a gasp escapes my lips.

"You wouldn't dare." I shake my head before we both laugh. Our laughter bubbles out and a serious look forms on Theo's face.

"We'll get through this Mar" he tells me. I nod my head and hug him. "I love you stupid."

"I love you too dumbass." I laugh but my voice gets caught. Theo reaches over and grabs me some water from the small table beside the bed. I gulp it down quickly, letting the cool liquid soothe my throat. "How long was I out?"

"2 days, they had to do surgery and then you slept for 2 days straight, lazy." He snorts, taking the water and setting it back on the table.

I'm quiet for a second before asking "How's Cam?"

"Horrible." Theo admits. "He hasn't slept or eaten anything since you've been here. He's a mess Mar."

"Can you tell him to come in here?" I question, using the remote on the bed to sit up more. My stomachs sore. Like a did a 7 hour ab workout, which I would never do. Working out is another form of torture and I firmly believe that.

"Yeah." Theo stands up and goes to get Cam. I wait a few minutes and another Taylor boy walks in. Connor sits in the chair beside me, pulling it closer.

"He's not here. He said he needed to go shower." Connor explains but I know there's more to it than that. "How are you feeling."

"Great." I retort with a grin.

Connor chuckles "and she's back lady's and gents." He sighs and says "you scared the shit out of us Mar"

"One, language." I tease, pinching his cheek. "Two, I know and I'm sorry."

I was half expecting Theo to burst in and yell at me for saying it but I had to.

"I know you are Mar." Connor nods his head "but you shouldn't be. You were hurting and didn't know how to let it out."

"When did you get so wise?" I mess up his hair, ignoring the pain in my stomach from moving too fast.

"Someone has to be in this family and we both know that it's not going to be Cam. He's pretty dense." Connor jokes, bringing a smile to my face.

Connor soon leaves and Sara and Dave appear with balloons and stuffed animal's. Dave teasingly lectures me and Sara asks me a million question like if the room temperature is okay and if I need more pillows.

Mom, Gray, Theo and Connor all join soon after and stay for a bit before leaving and allowing Bri to come in. She goes to hug me but stops herself.

"What is it?" I ask, sitting up a little.

"I don't want to hurt you." She tells me, her eyes looking at the floor.

"Get over here and hug me you loser." I wave her over and she smiles before hugging me softly. She stays in the room for a bit before leaving so Miles can come in. When he does he has a nervous look on his face and stays at the door.

"Do you hate me?" He question, looking up at me.

"Of course I don't hate you." I pat the bed and he sits on the edge of it.

"I'm sorry I told them I was just so worried about you."

"I get it Miley, I would've done the same thing." I admit, fixing a pillow behind me.

"I told you to stop calling me that."

"And I told you not to tell anyone so we're even." I joke, he laughs and stays with me for a few minutes.

When Addie comes in she goes on a loud and long rant about how she hopped on a plane, leaving a cute girl at the Bahamas and rushed back. She added that I was worth it but she really wished she would've got her number.

Asher comes in beside Addie, he shakes his head "you are a complete dumbass."

"I was just trying to give you some competition." I kid, earning a small laugh from him.

"I'm glad you're okay, even if you do constantly annoy me."

When visiting hours were over Theo and Grayson stayed, mom already took 2 days off of work and couldn't take anymore but Sara was going to come in the morning and mom was coming after work.

They said I had to stay a few days for observation and to make sure my sugar levels are normal. On my third day at the hospital I was going crazy. I forced my brothers to go back to school, Sara and Dave both had work so I was alone in the hospital room.

Rain trickled down the window to the right of me. Lighting struck every couple minutes followed by a loud boom of thunder. I watched the tv that hung on the wall while playing a random game on my phone.

Grayson and Theo walk in with some food from the diner since the hospital food looks like something Ella would eat. Speaking of Ella, I got to see her yesterday which made this hospital stay more bearable.

"We come bearing food." Theo holds up the bag and hops onto the bed next to me.

"Thank god." I say as Gray sits down in the chair. I check my sugar and they both watch proudly. We dig into the food and the boys tell me about their day.

"How was your day?" Grayson asks, taking a sip of his drink.

"Let's see, I stared at the celling for an hour then watched the time pass by. Very eventful."

"Well on the bright side, the nurses said you can leave tomorrow!" Theo tells me, I pop another fry into my mouth.

"Hallelujah" my voice is muffled from the food.

Theo and Grayson have both have spent every night since I've been here with me. They sleep on the uncomfortable chair or the small couch. I told them I would be fine on my own but they refused.

They both leave and go home to take a shower and grab me some clothes. I'm on my laptop, catching up on missing work when the door opens. I expect it to be a nurse but instead it's Connor and Ella.

He sits Ella on my bed and I snuggle with her while the three of us watch a movie. Sara comes to pick the two up and drop off my brothers. She stays for a few minutes before leaving with Connor and Ella.

Cameron hasn't been by once since I've been in here. I can't help but feel hurt by it. Bri told me he's been all quiet and broody at school. My hurt slowly drifted to anger as the days passed and he still didn't show.

Walking into my room, I spot flowers and balloons from people at school who were talking crap about me 2 months ago. Theo sets my hospital bag down and leaves me alone so I can change. My bodies still really sore and I'm still on a lot of medicines to make the pain better.

I put on some grey sweats and a t-shirt. Pain shoots through my incisions as I do. When I'm dressed, I sit on my bed and lie down. The mix of the medicines and the exhaustion from leaving the hospital and getting to my room made me fall asleep quickly.

I woke up to see Bri sitting next to me reading a book. I ask her what she was doing here and she explained that Theo had to go to the pharmacy to pick up medicine and Gray had practice.

Baseball practice had started back up again which took up 99% of the boys time. We watched a movie until mom got home and Bri left. Mom helped me to the bathroom so I could freshen up.

The next couple weeks was torture. Everyone was too afraid to leave me alone. When the adults were at work my friends took shifts sitting with me. Addie would bring games and makeup. Miles would help me with work, Asher would make fun of me and I would make fun of him back before we would call a truce and watch old vines on YouTube.

As nice as it was I was going crazy. Guilt was eating me alive. Seeing them all so worried and treating me like I was glass. The one person I know wouldn't treat me like I was going to fall apart hadn't shown.

Even when we would all have dinner together Cam made some excuse about homework or practice which was bs. I tried to seem as okay as I could. My body was slowly healing and I could walk without excruciating pain.

I was still a little sore when I would bend down or sit up but nothing I couldn't handle. I barley had time to collect my thoughts with everyone babying me every two second. I couldn't get water on my own or spend some time by myself.

After Theo and Grayson checked on me before going to bed, I got up. I threw on some random clothes and snuck out of the house. I just needed some time. I left my phone on my bedside table and didn't realize until I was halfway to where I was going.

It was chilly due to it being the beginning of February. I quickened my pace and didn't stop until I was across from the gas station where Cam apologized to me that night. I sit on the curb and stare at the painting wishing life was as easy as it was back then.

I wrapped my arms around myself trying to keep myself warm when a truck pulls up. Cameron steps out looking the exact same as I last saw him but so much different at the same time. I didn't say a word as he silently sat next to me.

"How'd you know I was here?" I ask not looking at him. My voice was flat, trying to hold in all my anger and hurt that's been growing for weeks.

"Your mom called, I had a feeling." He responds, I feel him looking at me but I don't turn.

"Nice of you to finally show up." My voice is cold and harsh, keeping my eyes glued on the wall.

He audibly sighs, sitting up a little "look I-"

"You know what? I honestly don't want to hear it." My eyes meet his, I shake my head.

"Will you let me explain myself?!" He asks in an aggravated tone. I stand up quickly, grabbing my stomach when pain shoots through it. He hops up after me and grabs my shoulder. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." I cross my arms around my chest and take a step back. "Why? Why didn't you come? Not even once?"

"I couldn't." He runs a hand through his hair.

"You couldn't walk 16 feet to the hospital room or come downstairs when I was at your house?!" I retort, glaring at him. He seems to have a inner battle with himself and stays silent "whatever, I'm going home."

"At least let me drive you, your moms worried." He pleads, looking back at his truck.

"Then tell her I'll be home soon."

I leave him in front of the gas station and walk down the street, not looking back.