I didn't know why I tried to talk with Osiris. I blame the voice in my head that wouldn't stop chanting at me to help my mate.

Help him with what? He was an alpha werewolf for crying out loud. The only help he needed was emotional therapy.

Now that I look at it maybe I'm the one that needs therapy. All this pack and forth with Osiris was driving me mad not to mention the voice in my head.

Was I becoming schizophrenic, or was I just clinically insane? Because who in their right mind listens to the voice in their head screaming at them to help someone that's done nothing but twist their emotions into a knot. Talk about insanity.

Leaving in the spring was still my goal, it felt like years away but it was really only three. It didn't matter when spring arrived though, not when my moms was made up. I wasn't changing my mind. Leaving was the best option for everyone including me.

At least I convinced myself of this, regardless of the sickening feeling that boiled my insides. Andy's tried to keep a smile on my face and mind face from Osiris but there's only so much he can do before I'm spiraling down into my depression.

The days were blurring into one another. My routine barely changed unless Ivy physically dragged me out of the cabin. The memory flashed before my closed lids as I laid in my empty bed.

"You know I only agreed to this because it got me out the house." I admitted ducking under Ivy's swinging staff.

I was getting better. I guess the hours I had put in had started to pay off not that it was much to marvel at. If I were made to compare my skills to Aspen's, mine where nothing but dog water.

"And who's fault is that? Osiris made it pretty clear that you're free to do as you want." She reminded me.

How could I forget? Osiris made it openly obvious that he led the door open when it came to me doing what I wanted and when. He didn't ask questions or stop me much to my surprise. I think he truest wanted to make it more difficult but one look from Andy he decided otherwise.

Andy and Osiris weren't the biggest fans of each other, though I didn't exactly mind that. It helped me keep a level head, if I could even call it that.

I looked over my shoulder to where Andy sat bundled up on a wooden bench. The over-sized puffer coat he wore made him look like a marshmallow. I guess that expected when you borrow a werewolf's clothes. It was still nice of Desmond to offer up his coat, not that he really needed it after all.

Honestly, I was surprised I was shivering from the fridges temperatures. I must have gotten acclimated much quicker than I thought I'd be able to. There was a reason why humans didn't thrive this far up in the mountains, and why werewolves thrived.

Andy sneezed catching my attention from my running thoughts. "Andy, why don't you go inside? It's freezing out here and it looks like you're catching a cold."

Andy sniffed before whipping his nose with the back of his glove. "N-no I w-wanted to hango-out with you." He shivered.

The poor guys entire face was a red as a cherry tomato. It was a wonder he hadn't gotten snoot frozen to his face.

"I think it's best you head inside."

"No, Sera I-I wanted to come a-along with you to J-Jensen's after t-this."

I held my hand up to stop his objection. "When I'm finished up with Ivy I'll come get you. Now go inside before you get frostbite or something worse."

Andy hesitated glancing his eyes from the cabin and us before reluctantly leaving. It was for the best.

"I'm surprised he lasted as long as he did." Ivy chirped with a slight smirk.

"So am I. He shouldn't have been out here as long as he was. Maybe I should check on him first." I dropped my staff to catch up to him but I didn't get far before I was tripped up and making contact with the ground.

"Oomph." I groaned with confusion. I haven't been this clumsy in weeks the fact that I actually tripped took the breath right out of me. Rolling over onto my back I watched as Ivy stepped over me with a less than impressed expression.

Now what did I do?

"Leave him be." Ivy urged watching as Andy continued his way to the cabin in a shaky manner. "He'll be okay. We have a lot to work on still."

I rolled my eyes unable to hold back the urge. "Work on what exactly? I'm not going to be staying much longer."

It was true. We may be in the peak of winter now but it was only time until the snow melted and the grass turned green again. It would only be a matter of a couple months before I'd leave this hell hole I willing put myself in.

"And you want to be out in this harsh world with out a way to defend yourself? Talk about a damsel in distress." She scoffed helping me up. With a calming intake of air she sighed. "I know you want to leave, Osiris shared that with us."

I shook my head. The last thing I wanted to listen to was someone try and convince me to stay. I had made up my mind already.

"Don't, Ivy."

"Don't what?" She questioned, defensiveness clear in her voice.

"Don't beg and pled me to stay. I'm dead set on leaving."

She shrugged. "Okay."

I blinked. That was it? She wasn't going to put up a fight like she regularly did?

That wasn't like Ivy.

Swallowing a nervous gulp I licked my lips in apprehension. "Okay. That's it?" She shrugged again. "No, screams to keep me from leaving? No, sarcastic comments about how I won't make it on my own?"

"Why would I do that? Everyone has a reason for everything they do. I left my pack with my little brother when I was only eighteen I know what it's like to leave a pack that doesn't feel right to you."

Guilt welled up in my stomach knotting it into a nauseous lump. How could I have been so ignorant? As if my problems were worse than they were. I should have known better, Ivy had shared with me early on that she'd run from her pack, rather escaped her pack. It was heartbreaking hearing about her little brother not making it either, though I'm relieved that Aspen, Osiris, and Desmond stumbled upon them when they did. Who knows if Ivy would have still been alive.

"I'm sorry." I apologized.

She let out a heavy sigh as she scanned the other cabins of wolves.

There were a few wolves wandering around most with a purpose others, like a few pups, ran about throwing snowballs and rolling snowmen together. The simple free-spirited attitude put a smile on my face. If only like remained as simple as it was when we were children how things would be so much more enjoyable. The world would be empty of hate and death and filled with only laughter and curiosity.

"Don't be. It wasn't your fault." She assured me gathering up our equipment and heading toward the training cabin.

I cocked my head to the side as I contemplated what may have caused Ivy, a strong independent she-wolf, to leave her pack behind. Unable to refrain, I asked. " You never explained why you left your pack. Do you mind if I ask why?"

Ivy came to a screeching stop just inside the training cabin. The heat from the building had me hurrying inside and shutting the door behind us. The warmth was overly inviting regardless of the fact that I had become numb to the freezing cold.

"Because of me." She muttered softly, her voice barely audible. It was difficult to make out her words but I was able to piece them together.

Ivy's face had dropped with depression as the memories seemed to consume her entire mind. Her eyes glossed over with the growing need to cry, but knowing Ivy, it came to no surprise that she didn't allow herself to shed a tear.

"Did... did you do something bad?" I hesitated to ponder.

She frowned tossing the equipment she held onto a nearby chair. "Depends how you look at it, and who you ask. To some, yea, I did something awful. In the eyes of others, they'd tell you I did nothing wrong but be myself."

I furrowed my eyebrows with confusion. She was talking in circles.

"I'm sorry, I don't follow."

"I had always known that I was different. I want to play in the dirt and look for bugs and hang out with the boys in my school. It wasn't the weirdest thing for a little girl but I never grew out of it. I was labeled a tomboy but I always know I was more than that. My parents knew that I was more than that, they just didn't speak about it other than to each other. Our pack would never have accepted me, for being me. I guess my parents just hoped I'd eventually grow out of it."

Ivy slumped down in the chair next to her as a glimmer of a tear escaped down her cheek.

I slowly sat down on the floor in front of her as she leaned her face into the palm of her hands, an attempt at shielding her face from me.

There was a boiling anger at the fact that something so private could rial up an entire group of people. Ivy being a lesbian didn't harm anyone, it didn't jeopardize a thing besides the fact that her coming out put her own life and her family's in danger.

It shouldn't have been like this. It should never be anyones reality. No one should be threatened or hated simply for living their life as they choose to.

I gently grabbed Ivy's hand as I tried to find the most consoling words. But what do you say? What could I possible tell her to take away the immense guilt she undoubtedly carried for years?

There was nothing.

"What ever happened, and you don't have to tell me, was not your fault Ivy." Her bottom lip wobbled. She didn't want to hear me, honestly I think she didn't want to believe me.

"They killed them all." She cried dropping her hand away finally, to reveal her hidden face. "Phinny my pack was so homophobic that they cornered my parents out on a routine boarder patrol. I heard my mom screaming...in my head when they attacked them. I did everything she did and.... it still wasn't enough. I packed a bag for my brother and I shifted for what I think was only my second time and we took off. I didn't need to try and reach out to my parents I felt that bond between them snap."

Ivy took a deep breath in as the memories undoubtedly played inside her head. I couldn't imagine what horrors she hear and witnessed. Packs could be violent and volatile when an alpha gives an order like attack.

She had let out a heavy breath as she locked her eyes with mine. The sadness in them was blue enough to drown anyone in sorrow.

"Riley, my brother, and I ran for days. He wasn't old enough to shift so we weren't able to get very far. They... found us a few days after we escaped." Ivy squeezed her eyes shut reliving the memory as if it were yesterday. "I tried to protect him, I really did." She sobbed through chocking breathes. "-but what more could I do. I nearly lost my life too that day but Riley, he actually died. I wasn't good enough Phinny."

I reached out pulling her onto the ground with me and wrapping her up in my warm embrace. Fury bubbled inside me like boiling water. How can packs, a name meant to be family, just take one of their own's life away?

It was cruel.

"If I didn't..." Ivy cried

"No, Ivy-" I rubbed soothing circles on her back. "Don't you dare blame yourself. You have no control over what others do. You only have control over yourself."

"Exactly! I shouldn't have told anyone I shouldn't have paraded myself around like being a homosexual was something to be proud about." She muttered aggressively rubbing at her emerald eyes. "I was so fucking stupid."

I grabbed her wrists as she continued to rub her face raw. Pull here hands away from her face revealed a red faced, puffy eyed Ivy. Her natural red hair beamed like fire against her flushed red face.

"Enough." I demanded tired of all this self degrading language. Ivy was anything but stupid and weak; he'll she doesn't bat an eyelash when she insults Osiris. If anything should scream her confidence and independence it would be that.

"You think all these things about yourself Ivy but you are none of them. You are loyal, you are honest. Maybe more than you should be, but your honest none the less." I giggled. A hint of a smile cracked at the corners of her mouth. "You are beautiful, you are strong. I can't tell you how many times you've nearly gave me a concussion." She chuckled at the light hearted memory. "The point is Ivy what happened has happened and there's no way to go back and change any of it. That doesn't mean we forget or hold all the pain inside, it means we remember and work through it and realize you aren't to blame for someone else's actions they are, only your own."

Ivy sniffles before taking a large breath to calm herself.

"I don't agree with you but times heals." She muttered standing up, I followed shortly after her. "I can't change the past, damn it do I wish I could get revenge." Her eyes gleamed emerald green before dissipating to their natural forest like composition.

The door to the training cabin swung open as a familiar scientist stepped in. His uncoordinated arms stuffed high with folders and wrinkled papers tried tirelessly to close the door to no avail. Jensen was become notorious with his clumsiness making me seem like a skilled acrobat.

Fumbling about his items he was finally able to grab the handle of the door and shut up.

"Jesus Christ you'd think the wind was trying to blow away the darn door." He growled irked. "Anyways, I've come to take a sample of your blood again Seraphina. This time let's numb that arm of yours."

I audible gulped as I reluctant rolled my sleeve up and sit in the nearby chair. This will go quick I told myself as nausea bubbled in my stomach like an overflowing caldron. Just a pinch and a few seconds of pain and it'll be over.