His heat. It seeped into me, wound around me until I couldn't breathe. My blood boiling.

I panted into our kiss, our violent, mind-numbing kiss. I couldn't get enough, yet I couldn't take anymore. It was too much. I broke it. I broke my hold of his lips. I thought he would let me go, but he dived into my neck, sucking at my skin, biting, kissing. I groaned loudly, feeling him flushed against me, feeling his mouth on my skin, feeling the cool night air against my bruised lips, wet from his kiss.

I weaved my fingers tighter in his hair, gripping it, tugging. I felt him respond, tightening his hold around me, his kisses growing fiercer.

He took me further and further away, and I kept slipping, I kept losing my hold of myself. I wanted to collapse, but he held me steady.

Then he stopped. He tore away, and I caught sight of the scared gleam in his eyes. He looked like a deer caught in the head lights, but there was pain there too.

"Stay away from me!" he growled, but his voice didn't carry the conviction it usually did.

"No," I said, trying to keep my voice even. He turned his back on me, walking away - his action was like a cold shower to my senses. The haze vanished and I found myself chasing after him. I had no intention of letting him go, not when he walked away from me out of fear. He had nothing to be afraid of. I had. I was the one who should walk away, but I couldn't

"You're not leaving!" I hissed, all sense of calm gone from my system. I grabbed hold around his arm, pulling him back.

He turned around, anger contorting his face. He raised his fist, but I held the stare. I wouldn't back down this time. I wouldn't let him do this. Now I knew there was something more to us. I knew he was attracted to me. I knew he was running, and I wouldn't let him. Slowly I saw the anger dissipate, only to be replaced by fear and pain once more.

"I'm not letting you," I said, softer this time. "I'm not letting you go."

"Do you think you can stop me from leaving?" he replied, his voice cold and brutal.

"Yes," I whispered, baring my soul for a short moment, making me feel completely vulnerable. I wanted to drop my gaze, but I forced myself to keep looking. I had to be stronger than this if I wanted to reach him.

His eyes seemed to glaze over, like he was lost, lost in memories. Then they snapped into focus again, burning in anger.

"Stay away from me."

"No, I won't," I said again, this time firmly.

I still held him, and I wouldn't let him go. He tried to shove me away, but I grabbed around him with my other arm, keeping him in place.

"Fuck off! Don't touch me." His voice, so pained. It pierced me, like the sound of a wounded animal—scared, agonized.

"No, I'm not letting you go."

I pressed my body to his, holding him close to my body. Forcing him to remain with me. His struggles intensified, but I refused to let go. He trashed, kicked, whimpered. Then he stopped. He stopped and it was as if all tension just fled his body.

"No." His voice was quiet, pleading.

I began to stroke his back, hugging him with everything I had, holding him while he started to shake. I felt a drop of water fall on my shoulder, a tear. A tear that crashed into me. A tear that somehow released me—released him. I was getting through.

I wanted to say something, but I didn't know what, and I didn't know if it would help. Perhaps he just needed this, this quiet moment, the embrace. I wanted to ask, I wanted to know, I wanted to know everything—but I knew that one little slip, one tiny little mistake could shut him up again. I couldn't risk it. So I just held him. I held him while his tears soaked my skin.

I don't know for how long we just stood there; Zach crying softly in my arms. His pain trickling into me.

Finally he stopped shaking, and raised his head. I melted as he pressed his tear-drenched lips against mine, so soft and slightly puffy from our kiss.

"I have to go," he breathed, our lips still close, his forehead touching mine.

I didn't want to let him. I didn't want our moment to just disappear. I knew it would. This was but a dream, a hidden refuge, an illusion.

I reluctantly released him, and he backed away. I caught something, a faint whisper, "Thank you." But, I couldn't be sure. It could have been something else, or nothing at all. It could have been a voice, it could have been the wind rustling in the trees.

———

Mom was livid when I finally got home. She sighed, which was about as bad as it could get. I knew that I had disappointed her, and that was enough. We had all had too much disappointment in our lives. I also knew she worried about me after all that happened with Tobias.

I went to bed, feeling a little bad about making Mom so worried, but mostly a bit high from what had happened. It didn't feel real. I questioned if I had just imagined it all. It had been like a breach in time, something that shouldn't have been possible. Our hours in the art room. Our violent kiss. Our fight. Our embrace. His tears... It felt like it hadn't really happened. I mean, how could it? It was impossible.

When I woke up from a restless sleep it seemed as if yesterday had been a year ago. I decided to be happy today. We had kissed, and until I knew how he was acting in school, I would live the dream.

It all shattered when I received another message. It was a photo of Zach and I. Our kiss. Cold dread weaved its way into my chest, and I wanted nothing more than to scream out in frustration. At the same time, I didn't want Mom to worry; I didn't want Lily to worry. They had been through enough because of my mistakes. There had to be a way to get rid of him.

I thought of Zach, berating myself that I had put him in danger. I should have known better. Letting the phone drop to the floor, I fell back into my mattress and stared up at the white ceiling. Happy. What a joke. I wasn't allowed to be happy. Not even for a moment.

———

"Dylan, where were you yesterday?" Tyra asked, looking curiously at me. I had missed two lessons after art class, and I hadn't called. The question was bound to be asked.

"I got stuck in art class," I answered, not really up for lying so early in the morning, and not up for talking either. My mind was juggling thoughts of Tobias and Zach at the same time, and it was exhausting.

Her eyebrows rose to the ceiling, "Really? Whatever for?" she continued, "...I mean, I didn't even know it was possible to get detention in art class? You must have screwed up big time."

I chuckled, and apparently that made her even more surprised. I was surprised how normal I sounded. I felt far from normal. In fact, it felt like the world was slowly crushing me.

"What is this, who are you - and when did you steal my friend?" she asked seriously, staring insistently at me. I took a deep breath. She was right, I couldn't allow Tobias to get in my way like this. I had to live my life as if he wasn't there. If I gave him the power to control me from afar, I was lost in more ways than one.

I tried to intensify my chuckling, hoping they didn't come off as too false. With a smile, she jumped up on me, hugging me tight. "Thank God you're back, I was starting to worry!"

She loosened her hold around my neck for a bit, to look me straight in the eyes. "So, you're over him?" she asked, sounding very hopeful.

For some reason I didn't feel like telling her what had happened. I knew she wouldn't be happy about our kiss, but I didn't want to lie either. "I wouldn't say that," I said, deciding to tell her the truth but not perhaps the whole truth.

She sighed. "You know Dyl, I'd love to see you happily ever after with him, but it's just..." It seemed as if she couldn't continue.

"Hey, what's up with the sad face? I'm not sad so why should you be?" I said, smiling at her. Of course I was sad, but I didn't want her to know that.

"You're right, I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize, just bring Tyra back will you?"

"Oh my god, now I know. Are you on drugs?" she asked, feigning shock.

I laughed, "Good, you're back...that was quick."

"We should go find the others, Sebastian will be so happy to see you like this again!" she said, hugging me tighter once more before she let go. Apparently I played my part too well. Seeing the others would be even harder, but I had no choice if I wanted to keep this charade going.

We didn't find Seb before class. Instead we were locked inside a class room, fighting with our long sworn enemy: algebra. I could hear Tyra's quiet groans while she wrote and erased, biting her pen now and then. I didn't hate math, but I didn't like it either, especially as there were a couple of douche-jocks present, stirring up trouble every lesson. Mr. Parker did his best to keep them in check, but one man could only do so much.

As the bell sounded the room went into frenzy, chairs were slung to the floor, benches were moved around, everything just so that everyone could reach the door as fast as they possibly could. Today I just felt like sitting down and looking at the scene, watching their desperation to get out and their relief that the lesson was finally over. They had simple problems, or maybe they didn't. Perhaps they were hiding them just as I was.

An hour later it was time for lunch, and I found Seb sitting alone at a table, away from Mike and the other guys. I didn't see Tyra, which was odd. I felt bad, but I was kind of relieved at the same time. I needed to get something of my problems off my chest; I needed to hear someone else's thoughts because mine were a jumble. Seb could handle it, hopefully.

When I got to the table I saw a huge grin plastered across Seb's face.

"What, do I have something in my hair, something slimey?" I said, hoping he would take my false cheer as real.

"You and Zach seemed to have fun in art class yesterday," Seb said, winking at me. I felt my cheeks heat up, so I sat down and smacked him on his head. Him bringing up Zach was enough to silence the fears about Tobias, at least for a moment.

"Shut up kid!" but I knew I was grinning just as wide as he was. I was happy about the kiss. Tobias couldn't take that away from me.

"Are you going to tell me?" he asked.

"Well, are you going to tell me about Kaiden?" I countered.

Seb started to fumble with the silverware, making me smile. Clearly, something was up.

"We exchanged a couple of messages," Seb said casually, as if it wasn't a big deal at all.

"Dude, that's great news. How come you're so giddy and excited, you're basically fan-girling over there," I joked. His eyes started to sparkle, and I realized that he was excited, even if he didn't let it on.

"Well, you know. No real drama yet. You and Zach however, that would make great TV, so spit it out!" he demanded, and I couldn't help but laugh. His transformation from a shy guy into a cool friend was officially complete by now, even though he was prying like a girl.

"Alright, but don't tell Tyra about it yet, she would throw a fit, and I'm pretty sure I would like to avoid that."

"You can't keep this from her Dyl," he said, gravely this time.

"I know, it's just...it's really nothing yet, and I don't want to make her upset."

Seb looked at me, seemingly trying to reveal my real intentions. "Okay," he said after a while. "I won't tell her, but you will, as soon as you can."

I let out a relieved breath. I needed to tell Seb, and I needed to know that he wouldn't run to Tyra immediately. I really didn't want to keep her in the dark, but I also guessed that I would be sparing her a great deal of pain if this turned out to be nothing.

"Ok," I said, and then I told him the story. He hummed and nodded, smiled and shook his head, listening to my ramblings and thoughts.

When I finished he surprised me with a hug. "You're a stupid guy, but so is he, perhaps you'll fit perfectly together. Speaking of the devil..."

I turned around, and saw him sitting with his friends. He looked like he always did: cold and intimidating. That didn't matter though, because I got a severe case of heat stroke when I followed the contours of his body. Seeing him made me remember how he felt in my arms, his hard chest against my own, his lips pressed on mine, the taste of him, like cedar wood and smoke. Seeing him made my heart beat faster, almost rushing, aching to feel him close again. I realized that I was nervous.

"Hey, you're pretty obvious," Seb interrupted, and I blinked a couple of times, breaking off my eye raping.

"Sorry, you were saying?" I said, in want of anything better to say.

Seb only chuckled.

"Hey, punk, don't go all giggly on me!" I spat out, sending him a hard glare. He stopped and looked surprised, and I sighed.

"Sorry man, I'm really tense, let's just get out of here," I said, instantly sorry for being a jerk. I guess the business with both Zach and Tobias had me on edge.

"It's alright dick-head," he replied with a wink, and I huffed out a few breaths in amusement. Definitely unexpected.

We got up from the table, and the urge to go over to Zach almost took over. However, I knew it was the worst idea ever, and I wasn't going to ruin this just because I couldn't get a fucking grip! Keep walking, I told myself, repeating it like a mantra, over and over again.

Seb shot me a knowing stare and I rolled my eyes. When had I turned into such a wuss? The way I was acting at the moment felt completely wrong. This wasn't me. If I hadn't felt so strongly about him, then I would have gone to his table, flirted and dragged him off to the closest closeable room. Now, now I was just a total wreck, nerves sizzling, heart beating and my mouth a fucking desert.

I was being ridiculous, and I didn't do ridiculous.

I stopped, turned around and walked over. Every step was painful, every step a new source of dread, but I bit down, I swallowed, and I laid a hand on his shoulder. I couldn't help myself...now when I was so close, carving his touch, craving to touch him.

I fought to remain casual, feeling every pair of eyes around the table looking, all except Zach's.

"What do you want?" he asked, still not looking. His voice completely flat. I should have expected it. I should have known, but the black tendrils of devastation laced themselves around my heart – tightening around it until it cramped painfully. I should have known...

I was struggling to find something to say. Briefly, I looked up and saw his friends watching me with undisguised curiosity. "I just wanted to make you uncomfortable babe," I said, keeping my voice calm, although I was anything but.

"Well, you're not succeeding," he replied.

I really didn't want to talk more, I just wanted to find a corner and hide, but I couldn't back down from his challenge.

"You sure?" I asked, lowering down to the level of his ear, whispering, breathing.

"You asked for this," he hissed, springing up from his seat, grabbing my hand, dragging me out of the cafeteria in front of everyone, shoving me into an empty room and locking the door.

That's when I remembered to breathe again.