19: I Am Not Alone

"whenever you're ready know you're on deadline"

"i work 5am-5pm 2morrow"

"will text when i leave here"

"See you soon!"

----

From the open kitchen area, Cora watched Zola move through her space slowly. Cora enjoyed seeing Zola move in her apartment. She looked only slightly out of place but not at all uncomfortable.

Zola moved over to Cora's small bookshelf. She spoke, raising her voice so Cora could hear her, "Wow, Cora, this is quite a selection of books you've got going on here." The shelves held copies of several different religious and philosophical texts and many contemporary works on coping with addiction, loss, and recovery.

"Yeah, a little 'heavy' reading."

Zola's eyes drifted to a set of floating shelves on the wall. She saw a picture and her heart stopped in her chest. She saw a very young Cora, long hair, beautiful eyes, the same adorable grin. The girl in the picture stood with her family under a blooming dogwood tree. Her parents stood behind her, the family resemblance undeniable. Her brother stood next to her.

Zola stared intensely. Zola looked back into the kitchen at Cora who was preoccupied, chopping the ingredients for a mango salsa. Her eyes moved back and forth between Cora and the picture. The photo couldn't have been taken long before the accident. She reached up and pulled the frame down. Holding it with care, she looked for a long time at Ben's eyes. She saw Cora in them.

"Oh, I see you've found the Sims family." Cora had moved from the kitchen and was now standing a couple of feet behind Zola.

", your brother, Ben? Your brother?"

Cora's gaze fell on the picture, looked back at Zola and could see compassion and pain clouding Zola's eyes.

"Yes, Zola. Ben was my twin. Ben was my best friend." Cora smiled softly. "Come on, let's eat and I'll tell you about him."

Zola walked with Cora to the kitchen table. She carried the picture with her setting it down on the table. She sat down, seeing that Cora had prepared chips and homemade salsa, saffron-infused rice, and grilled vegetables. Simple, light, delicious.

Zola and Cora began to plate their food and sit to share the meal. Cora spoke softly, pulling on memories. "Ben and I were always close. There's something about twins, the connection is so transcendent and so meaningful. We shared time, space, emotional connection, I think most people can't really understand."

Cora smiled. "We were a part of each other's worlds even before we were born. We grew and learned together and experienced each other's successes and failures like they were our own. We understood each other and we didn't need to speak."

"Were you close with your parents too?"

"Yes, but not as close as I was with Ben. But when your family owns a business together, well, It was us against the world. Making our way together. Ben and I were planning on attending NC State and earning degrees in Landscape Architecture."

"So you lost your parents, your twin, your future all in the same moment."

"Yes. I lost everyone I loved, including myself."

Zola nodded, the picture sharpening. "And your thesis, it's about changing religious viewpoints when tragedy happens?"

"Yes." Cora grinned. "I guess you don't need those office hours."

Zola smiled but did not banter. She was a little concerned that Cora seemed so detached from the heartache. "Cora, how did you cope? With the pain? Did you switch religions? I don't know how I would handle the loss of my entire family."

Cora's grin faded. "I handled it one day at a time. One moment at a time. I did begin to define and hone my religious beliefs but I didn't 'switch.' I was agnostic."

"What does that mean again?"

"It means I believed that there was something supernatural and spiritual. I just didn't know how to it. Now I believe that it's defined by compassion, un-self, and action."

"But now you don't believe in God. What is unself?"

"The idea that we are all transcendently connected. So our actions and thoughts are impactful not just for ourselves, but for everyone. There is no 'just me.'"

"Oh. That's beautiful. Do you have any other family?"

"I have an aunt and uncle near Seattle but we are not 'family' in the way that you characterize it. I have a cousin I've never met."

Zola's fork stopped moving toward her mouth, her heart breaking. ", you're alone? You were 17 when the accident happened. You've been since then?"

Cora nodded. "Yes in a manner of speaking. But I share myself . I connect with patients, I give myself to others as completely as I can, sharing so that."

"But, it's so temporary. Wonderful but temporary. Have you ever loved someone? Other than your family?"

Cora felt suddenly felt uncomfortable and as if she was being picked apart. "Um ..." She pushed the food on her plate around, trying to buy time to formulate an answer. "I know what it is to have love and compassion for people. I understand love and kindness very well."

"I see that, I've that. But my question was have you ever loved a person, not a moment? Other than your family?"

Cora sighed in contemplation. "Zola, it's hard for me. I'm not sure how to explain it." Cora's voice was uncertain and the sadness and pain just below the surface of her words. "When you suffer a loss the way I did. When everything that was and ceases to exist ..."

"Okay, . I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable." Zola refocused on her food and the women ate in relative silence. When the meal wrapped up, the tension had not dissipated. "Cora, . I'm sorry, but I have to go. I leave for New York at the end of the week and there is so much still to prepare. From there, Europe."

Cora smiled faintly and nodded in understanding. "Sure, you have a lot on your plate right now. I'll miss you while you're away."

"Please think about Rimini. You can let me know any time. Come at the end of my trip the 2nd week of March."

" I will miss you. You are always in my heart."

----

"Jesus, you're a wreck!"

Cora sighed. "Thanks, Joce, you know how to make me feel much better."

"See! You never use thick, biting sarcasm. Don't be such a bitch, that's my job."

"Hang in there, you're halfway there.She'll be back in 10 days." Edra tried to comfort Cora.

"I know, but I didn't see her the week before she left and when she left it was awkward. She's just crazy busy over there, in a different time zone, and texts are the only way we connect."

"Why was it awkward?"

"She asked me if I've ever loved anyone. I told her it was complicated."

"! Cora! . There, uncomplicated, you're welcome!"

"I know, Joce! I just can't commit, it's too hard."

"Why?!" Edra was losing her patience too.

"Because the only people I have ever loved in a fixed way, I lost. I lose like that again. I can't love her, and have her, and commit to her, and then lose her, ever."

Jocelyn whispered softly, "Jesus, Cora." Edra and Jocelyn exchanged looks of disbelief.

"I have to go. Ms. Reyes died last night. There is a small service in the chapel." Cora stood and moved away, working to refocus on the life of Lucia, the joy that she brought to her children and the life she endured to protect and love them.

----

Zola moved through Paris Fashion Week in a bit of fog. Everything ran smoothly, the Basilio family well represented at the various shows. Zola had her hands full with business meetings and social events. Her father and brother leading most of the meetings, Zola was there to learn.

On the plane to Milan, Marge and Cristo sat with Zola going over last minute changes in itineraries and meetings. ", you need to sleep!"

"What do you mean, Cristo?" Zola looked over, surprised by the comment.

"Zola, I just asked you a question three times, and you were completely zoned out."

Zola sighed. "Oh, I'm sorry, Cristo. You're right, I need sleep."

Cristo and Marge exchanged a look, having a silent conversation in a millisecond. "Marge, why don't we move to the back of the plane. We can let Zola rest."

----

"Marge, are you ?" Cristo was doubtful. "Meddling in the affairs of ?"

"Cristo, I am a woman. Of course I am certain." Marge smirked. "Zola has been miserable, she needs Cora. Whether she's willing to admit that or not."

"Fine, but nothing interferes with Milan."

"Agreed. I'll let Dominic know, he can tell Alberto. I'll call Dr. Sarin when we land."