"i never understood what love was

really like. but i felt it for the first

time looking in your eyes."

— one direction

★ 彡 in the morning when richie, stan, eddie, and bill headed towards richie's car. bill rubbed his forehead as if that would take away his aching hangover.

he didn't even remember much of what happened after talking to mike the night before. he did remember walking back to the others and beverly shoving a bottle of jack in his chest. and then another. and then a fucking bong that richie just conveniently pulled out of his backpack and handed to him, much to eddie's dismay.

"holy shit guys, greta was right," eddie chirped out moments later as they were only a few steps away from richie's truck. bill turned to see henry fucking bowers in the flesh, camped out in his beatdown car on the other side of the road.

bill could see three more figures in the car with him, but he didn't pay attention to them much, just knew they were there. bowers was too much of a coward to face them alone.

"you fags have a faggy sleepover?" bowers called out to them, and bill felt stanley immediately tense at the slur. bill traced circles on his back in an angle where henry couldn't see, in a way to calm stan down, knowing his temper.

"we were just leaving," richie answered back, opening the driver's door quickly and hopping in, bill doing the same with the backseat door, not looking for a fight this early in the morning. or any time in the day would be fine as well.

bill looked out his window to look at bowers' gang, but it didn't last long because they saw henry driving away.

"well that was uneventful," eddie huffed out as they watched bowers' car drive off in the distance. moments later when they were driving away, the silence had glazed over and everyone seemed to forget about bowers camping out in front of the hanlon residence.

stan scooted over in his seat to the middle seat, resting his head on bill's shoulder, and bill smiled into the touch as stan gently rubbed along bill's leg.

bill almost laughed at how different the atmosphere was from the front of the car, richie trying to smoke and drive while eddie tried to turn down the loud radio and slap the cigarette away from richie.

"my mom saw me sneak out last night," stan said twenty minutes later, out of nowhere as bill stepped out of richie's car and closed the door behind him. he watched as stan walked around the vehicle to meet bill by the denbrough's driveway, halfway from the denbrough and uris residence's.

richie had his full foot on the gas before bill could give him a sign language, thank you, but bill didn't care anyway, considering every time he did any asl with richie, richie would flip him off and tell him that meant hello in sign language. he didn't even want to question richie's humor.

"she didn't say anything but when i jumped out the window i hear her open my bedroom door. to be honest, i don't think she cares. and i- i think she knows." stan cleared his throat, and bill watched as his hand rubbed the back of his neck, feeling through his curls before he reached down and grabbed bill's hand gently.

bill furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, but they both knew what he was talking about. "my dad doesn't know. i mean, he is a rabbi and like super fucking religious, so it makes sense she didn't tell him i'm..." he sighed. "into guys and girls."

bill smiled up at him immediately, trying to make him less nervous, and took a second to sign to stan, i'm proud of you. it took bill actually several minutes and five tries before stan understand what he was saying.

stan smiled at him when he got it. he was attempted to learn the basics of asl so far, and he was a fast learner, but it was a slow process.

bill went to kiss stan's hand but dropped it completely when mr. uris stepped out of stan's house, a trash bag in hand. he had a full suit on, and bill thought it was quite formal for a saturday morning, but he kept that thought to himself.

"stanley! you're home!" he called, stepping over to them, and bill wondered if he knew stan had snuck out too, considering he didn't see to surprised that stan was standing on the denbrough driveway and not in his bedroom.

"hey dad, i'll get ready in a minute," he said to the older man, and bill turned his head a bit in confusion before it finally hit him. he had the jewish thing on saturday mornings at the temple or whatever he called it. bill wouldn't know, he was never religious.

"it's bill denbrough, correct?" mr. uris asked, stepping in front of them, making bill a little self-conscious about his height. bill smiled and nodded at him, noticing how stan sighed loudly next to him, most likely not wanting this to be a long conversation.

"you should come to temple this morning! you'll love it." mr. uris suggested, and bill looked over at stan, looking for permission in his eyes, but stan lightly shook his head. bill was almost offended, he wanted to spend more time with him but stan didn't even want to share a saturday morning at temple with him? how bad could it be?

seconds later, he nodded his head at mr. uris, and it was obvious the man knew about his muteness because he didn't seem to comment. or he just thought he was quiet.

"great! we leave at 10am, so just be headed outside by then," mr. uris answered before he turned and throw the garbage in the trash can and walked back inside the house.

stan crossed his arms at bill as the mute boy began walking to the porch of his house, using his key to unlock the door. "bill, seriously? you'll hate it! it's super boring, and all you do is sit there and listen about stupid shit nobody but old people care about. and-"

bill placed his hand over stan's mouth, shutting him up, giving him a look that said "i don't care" to the curly-haired boy. stan looked back at his house for a second, making sure his dad was inside before he pecked him on the lips, making bill's cheeks flush and redden.

"billy!" they heard as they entered the house, georgie coming out from the living room to hug his legs, and bill got down on his knees to hug him back. he loved how clingy georgie was, and wished sometimes he never grew up.

"and stanley!" georgie smiled, hugging stan's legs too, making stan laugh from being ticklish.

"hey, georgie," stan said.

"did you eat breakfast, little guy?" bill signed to georgie, standing up next to stan again, and stan looked from bill to georgie, obviously having no idea what bill had said.

"i had cheerios! i climbed on the counter to get it!" georgie laughed, and bill reached his hand down to ruffle his hair."

"how's mom doing?" bill signed next, and even though stan didn't understand what he asked, he got this topic was more serious.georgie's answer this time was in a whisper. "she's playing piano again. that's good, right?" he said so innocently that bill knew he couldn't tell the truth to his little brother."

yes, that's so good." he signed.

"georgie, when did you learn asl?" stan asked as bill walked towards his bedroom, shrugging off his coat onto his bed and taking off his shoes.

"i don't know, a little bit ago. i don't know everything, but i know enough to have a conversation, i guess," georgie shrugged as he entered bill's room with stan, sitting on bill's bed.

"that's nice of you. you're very smart for your age, y'know that?" stan asked, and georgie smiled brightly back at him, giving him another hug before bill nodded his head towards the door as he took off his shirt and searched for something a bit more fancy to wear to temple.

"billy, are you gonna get naked in front of stanley?" georgie asked, making bill drop the hanger he was holding as both boys looked at the little boy with wide eyes.

"i'm just kidding!" georgie exclaimed, "i know you guys are like boyfriend and girlfriend!" he laughed, before stepping out of the room. stan slowly turned to bill when georgie had left before both boys laughed. bill's laugh wasn't a full-on laugh like stanley's, it was more of a large huff of air.

"i think you really should tell him how being gay works," stan said after recovering from his laughing fit, sitting down on bill's bed, trying not to make it obvious that he was staring when bill changed his pants.

bill scoffed and got changed into jeans and a white button-down shirt, laying a navy sweater on top, hoping this fit the attire of whatever he was getting himself into. he sat on the bed next to stan and opened his notes app on his phone.

"i can't tell him what 'being gay' means." he wrote, turning the phone so stan could see.

"why not? he can't be homophobic in like fucking kindergarten, right?" stan snorted.

"people at school call him gay. i don't have the heart to tell him what it means. yet." he typed quickly and turned the phone to stan once again.

"damn. poor kid," stan sighed, leaning back to lay down on the bed. bill nodded in response, moving to grab shoes from his floor. "i should probably get changed," stan said, moving towards the window in bill's room and opening it.

bill gave him a look while raising his eyebrows at him that said, "you don't have to always use the window", but as stan had put it two nights ago, it made him feel "cool" and "edgy".

"i'll see you at 10am, billy," he mocked georgie's nickname, making bill roll his eyes playfully and shutting the window all the way closed when stan had just left in open.

bill stepped out in his living room, the small sound of delicate hands touching piano keys luring him into the room. he could see his mother gently playing piano and he walked over to her, resting his side against the piano and listening to her play. it had been over a year that he had heard her play. she stopped minutes later, looking up at bill, but not really. her eyes seemed glazed over and her look was blank as if bill was a stranger that she was passing in a busy city.

bill rested his hand on her shoulder in a comforting way, but when she flinched at his touch, bill slipped back into his room.

twenty minutes later bill denbrough found himself in the backseat of the uris car, driving with donald, andrea, and stan. the car was a bit small as stan's father had put it, and the man even apologized that they would have to be swished in the back together, but obviously, they didn't care much.

stan seemed... awkward around his parents. especially his dad, but he didn't seem to talk to his mom much either. stan put on a manly facade when it came to them, one that stan had put on one of the first times he met bill to "seem stronger" or whatever he was trying to do to impress him. it had worked, bill thought.

they texted back and forth a stupid conversation (with too many emojis on stan's part) about how completely bored bill was going to be, and stan had reminded him twenty times now that only old people went, which bill highly doubted considering richie was jewish too and would most likely be attending.

when they got out of the car, stan perked up his chest a bit and straighten up his back when his father looked at him. bill took notice. he wondered why he was trying to be someone he wasn't with his dad.

bill found out hours later that temple was indeed extremely boring. but he kept that to himself, not wanting to give stan the satisfaction of being right.

*

it was almost two weeks later when stan asked bill out on a date.

they had had dates before this, and this would be the third if he counted the date in the field of flowers or the day at the museum in new york.

it had been two weeks of stan sneaking through his window even though stanley's parents had known he was leaving his room every night. two weeks of stan telling bill wild stories about how he wanted to be able to fly when he was little, which led to a sprained ankle, or that he wanted to be a pirate next. and bill told him that he had once tried to learn to skateboard, but was brutally horrible.

two weeks of sleeping in the same bed and the awkward sexual tension that bill felt when they made out because he wanted to do more, but didn't know how to ask.

bill had his tongue down stan's throat as he laid on top of him on bill's bed when suddenly stan had pulled back and asked him the question. well, not a question. "i'm gonna take you out on a date tomorrow. a real one, with food and sunsets and shit that couples do." stan had huffed out in one breath, still breathing heavily.

bill had simply nodded before he brought his head down to where stan lay and he bit stan's lip, holding it down hard enough to make stan gasp for air, but not hard enough to make him bleed. then they made out until they both got tired and fell asleep, bill resting his head in the crook of stan's shoulder and his left leg hanging across stan's body that only consisted of boxers at that time.

the mute boy was nervous when he met stan outside of his front door, taking in his appearance, his half unbuttoned white shirt, and blue jeans. bill went in and kissed him hard on the lips, stanley running his hands through bill's hair that had taken him fifteen minutes to get perfect, but bill didn't give a fuck.

"ready to go?" stan asked, and bill didn't answer, but he grabbed stan's hand as they walked to his car.

and now, here the pair found themselves sitting in a fancy restaurant that bill remembered ben told him that he and beverly had gone to before. as the two of them sat with napkins over their laps (stan had insisted), and menus in their hands, bill began to nudge stan's ankle with his foot, grinning when stan noticed what bill was doing.

"are you seriously tryna' have a game of footsie with me?" stan said in a light tone, his eyebrows raised intriguingly. the response he got from bill was simply another brush against his ankle and a sly smile. "you're such a fuckin' chick sometimes," he replied with a grin, knocking his ankle against bill's.

when a waitress came over to take their drinks order, stan asked for a couple of cokes, which earned him a smile of approval from bill. when the waitress left, he placed a hand over bill's which sat in front of them on the table, giving it a brief squeeze which was accompanied by a genuine smile.

two tall glasses of coke were placed in front of them, and when asked if they were ready to order their food, bill bit his lip, staring intently down at the menu and all the fancy french shit he was trying to comprehend.

stan laughed that laugh which crinkled his eyes at the corners as they sparkled whilst putting a grin on his face, his tongue just visible between his teeth. bill fucking loved that laugh.

"i don't know about you but i feel pretty fucking out of place here..." bill nodded in agreement; "wanna' leave? we can just do the drive-thru at mcdonald's and find somewhere to park the car," the mute boy's eyes shone up at stan as he nodded his head, biting his lip lightly and smiling, liking that they had the same thoughts.

throwing a ten-dollar bill on the table, stan stood up and pulled his coat on, bill following suit, and then they were leaving the restaurant, whose name they could not pronounce, and walking towards stan's car and bill laughing when stan opened his car door for him. what a cliche, bill had thought, but he didn't complain.

"there we go, now it's a date fit for a fuckin' king," stan laughed nearly fifteen minutes later, stuffing fries in his mouth as bill grinned at him. they sat on the hood of stan's car around the corner from the mcdonald's, the only car in sight in the abandoned and slightly sketchy parking lot in bill's opinion, but he didn't care as long as he had stan, mcdonald's, and the golden sunset that was slowly fading away.

bill chuckled and then he followed stan's example, filling his mouth with food. "but you love it," stan laughed, showing bill his mouthful of french fries.

"i do." bill signed slowly, stan not really noticing his reply as he refilled his mouth with a few more fries, trying to enjoy them this time around.

bill just stared at stan innocently as he finished his cheeseburger, eyeing him every few seconds to see if stan was looking back at him. when bill had finished his food and waited for stan to finish, he grew impatient, letting his hand rub the on stan's thigh, and looked smugly to see stan looking at him as if asking: what are you gonna do?

"dude, i'm trying to eat," stan said instead, even if his face said different, with a bit of fear, nervous, but excitement. bill pulled out his phone and typed quickly, setting it down on stan's leg for him to read.

"not the right thing..."

stan threw his leftover fries on the ground seconds later, not caring for them anymore as he playfully tackled bill on the hood of the car, bill squeaking in surprise, even though he had definitely seen it coming.

stan fucked him two times that night on the hood of his car and bill thought he could be in love.

+

i'm so sorry this is so long!

over 3,000 words geez!

anyway i was gonna add smut

but decided against it cuz

i didn't do if you guys

are uncomfortable with that.

i have the rest of the book

planned out, only a couple

more chapters to go i think:)

-penny